support for those living in difficult relationships

[Eve34]

Ok title may not be quite right, but I and others are living in a situation that is not easy. For whatever reason we have decided to follow this path, I do not wished to be judged, just some kind words may help.

I have posted a few times, and get the sound advice to leave,move on etc etc.

For those that have the courage and determination to achieve that, well done.

For those of us sitting it out and waiting to see what happens this is the place to be. We know it is not right, healthy or how it should be, but right now we have choosen to live like this for this period in time.

i don't know if others will join me, just to offer some support and some kind words. I do hope so.

Wishing you all the courage and strength to get through the day.

Eve

Baggy - you're right. Family and friends don't help the same way. The one person I've gone into detail with is ever so supportive and lovely but she is affirming my negative thoughts about H, and while it can make me feel better about myself, I don't know if it will help me work on things between us. She does it because she's been left and she understands the pain I feel when I'm convinced its all over (And she is doing what I did for her a few years ago) but I don't know whether that is the attitude I should take (and TBH if I were more positive with her she would reflect that to me too I think, as she wants us to stay together!)

Anyway, I think that people online can be more honest, and because they're not generally your 'friends' it is easier to take the good and the bad, and to take a good look at yourself and your relationship.

Chairmum, if you like I can tell you what I would do if I were you but I haven't because I didn't think you'd want to hear it, and it's not really any of my business!

mummyfantastico - you know you're helping me really - some things are just easier to take from 'strangers'

Different things from different places.

Ugh. screwed up right now :/

And besides. Looks like my negative feelings are right. Nothing I can do to make him change - he's not really being a nice person.

Of course I would like to be told if I am making a huge huge mistake somewhere. Gently though

crappy day today. had big row.and once again its all my fault. he cannot see what I do. I am trying to work from home, I am trying to find a job, I am looking after DS fulltime, I am trying to deal with loft conversion and finding bathroom, doors, tilers, plumbers,plasterers, and having to spend most of the day indoors with the bloody builders, and trying to sort all their cock-ups and we have no money. Oh, and trying to lose weight and go to the gym, but if I do that he tells me I am living the yummy mummy lifestyle!
But DS is lovely.

And it just gets worse

Hello everyone, wish I had found this thread earlier.

I moved overseas with my dh almost 10 years ago when we were first married. He promised me the world and now there are days I feel trapped in hell.

Dh went through some terrible stress and around 3 years ago became a cocoaine addict. This left us financially ruined, he replaced the cocaine with alcohol so while its cheaper its even less pleasant to live with!

He is doing his best to fight it and is getting better all the time, but its so hard. We split briefly last summer due to OW (though I don't think anything went on, she is clearly a girl with many issues of her own who likes to drink...). Anyway she has recently got back in touch after months of silence and i just feel so done with his lies and just the stress of being with him.
However, he is a good provider (I am a SAHM), I know he loves me to bits, when sober we get on great and he admits all his faults.
Our children are very young and it would hurt them if I left, he would fall to peices (and no longer be able to financially provide) and legally I can't return to the uk with them. So... I'm stuck, for better or worse.

I don't feel this thread is harmful at all. I'm sure we all know we ideally should leave, but its just not always that easy, espacially where children are invo9lved.

oh bobblehead, you sound quite trapped, being out of the UK. But it does sound like you are trying to sort things out. Can he not get AA help, have you had any counselling together? Have you got many friends to help you wherever you are?

At the moment dh is seeing a hypnotist which is actually helping with the drink. We went to marraige counselling last year before I fully recognised alcohol as an issue and while it didn't help then I think we are able to communicate better now from what we learned there.
Last night was the first night in over a week he was drunk and that almost made it worse, especially when I went into the garage this morning to find dd1 examining a smashed beer bottle. I told him if it continues he will have to leave as its putting the kids in harms way.
I have friends here, but not many I can really confide in. The one friend I can talk to has marraige problems herself so can totally relate and my family is hugely supportive, if far away!

How about you? How long has your rough patch been going on?

you know, I don't know how long it has been.maybe 6months. Main issue is dh's stress levels. I have a lot of sympathy, but he turns into this angry,impatient, mean-spirited person who is not the man i married. Even his mother wonders where the nice guy has gone. He didn't used to be like this, so I have faith that things can change, which is why i am still here. and i do think he is going through some sort of breakdown. He admitted last night that he is depressed, but stubbornly refuses to go to GP. Last time, she suggested a yoga video?!! He is a big tough, rugby playing type, so difficult for him to admit he is struggling. he is verbally and emotionally abusive, and it hurts. But seriously the world conspires against us, on Sunday we went all the way to Legoland only to find it only opens in2 weeks, then we got a puncture and had to wait for RAC cos we couldn't get the nuts off the wheel. new tyre will be £200! So we wasted a whole day and ended up spending £300 we haven't got! Money is also the cause of a lot of stress. Had 2 m/c last year, so me going back to work was on hold, and now seriously looking to go back because we need the money.