Am I being too picky now?

[littlestmummystop]

Just been on a date.. but can't decide if I want to see him again...

I do find him attractive ( lovely jet dark hair, lovely crinkly smile, tall, slim )

And we got on v well. Talked for three hours non stop, he's in a caring profession and is also v creative..

So far so good. But...

1. He talked too loudly ( so people in pub kept looking over) and had a slightly funny way of talking, overemphasising at the end of sentences

2. He had a crumb on the corner of lips, that I couldn't help but stare at. Wish I'd told him.

3. He made a v crass out of context joke on way back, and it completely threw me

I vote you give him another shot, just another low key date, in a week or so.

Give it another chance, I have been out dates where I have been like this and then they have turned out to make me feel like this .

Interesting article I have just read which may apply here, perhaps?

Yes, guess am a bit jaded at the moment. Been on loads of internet dates in last six months and let down a few times...

I didn't meet him on internet though. He asked me out on a bus after we smiled at each other.

See I don't agree.

How may posters on here say: 'We can save our marriage XX years down the line because the 'spark' was never there in the first place....'

IMO 'settling' is same as 'gambling'

What was the joke?

I'd say give him another chance but maybe during the day if possible (so less chance of him thinking anything might happen at the end of it if you don't want it to) and maybe go somewhere outside so if he does keep talking too loudly it won't matter so much. Maybe his joke was caused by nervousness (although does depend on the kind of joke it was - nerves could only excuse so much I reckon)

Okay, we were talking about a woman I'd met through work who'd have a terrible time in her life.. then got a brain tumour.

Before that we'd just been talking about alopecia ( yes bit of subject change there!)

He suddenly said: 'Ooh her head must have looked like a giant penis...'

I looked v v puzzled and stopped speaking and he turned red and explained he was thinking if you had a brain op and got a big cut down centre of head and you were bald....

Oh you know what I mean.

Then I fell silent and he tried to laugh it off, saying: 'That must have thrown you, sorry..'

Maybe he was just nervous?

Oh you need a spark, and mutual attraction, yes. But expecting a man to be perfect is setting yourself up for disappointment. You probably aren't perfect either.

Bitoffun... no am definitely not

But don't want to be with someone who makes me cringe a bit either...

I think he just had a mental picture and had a bit of a brain fart and started rambling, probably nerves.

Id give him another go.

I assume the crumb on his lip is not a permenant feature so no need to worry about that!

Oh dear. Now that "joke" would put me off too. I remember telling someone I was seeing about an accident I witnessed where I was first on the scene, it was pretty traumatic and I was with the victim who was so badly injured and so much in shock he couldn't move or answer me when I was trying to help or comfort him. The man I was telling said "Why couldn't he understand you, was he an immigrant?" Guffaw, Guffaw, Guffaw. I looked at him frostily, moved the subject on and did not see him again.

"I assume the crumb on his lip is not a permenant feature so no need to worry about that!" lol.

ah that's quite a bad 'joke' isn't it OP but I'd see if he made a similarly bad joke on date 2 and if did probably not give him another chance to repeat. At least it didn't betray deep seated racism like thesteelfairy's date - not surprised you didn't see him again.

Perhaps it was a Freudian slip

I think all the things you didn;'t like could be put down to nervousness rather than deep seated awfulness. Most people do stuff like this when they are both nervous and excited.
But if you like him generally, there's no harm in another date.
Just remember that being single is good. If you were to give up being single, it would have to be for someone worth having.

OK, go on another date if you're not sure. For the record, I agree with everyone who implied that, if you're this uncertain at the beginning, you need to be bloody careful you don't start making excuses for him ... and 'settling for'. Lori Gottlieb is a silly tart. Actually, she's adorable (met her once) but I guess she needed to sell a book!!!

He might have just been nervous. I'm going to ask you to look out for a couple of things - I'll explain why later; your story triggered one of my pet obsessions:-

• Is there something slightly odd about his walk?
• If you use metaphors, does he struggle to get what you're on about?
• Can he talk for ages about one particular topic (the same one every time)?
• Did you notice anything unusual about his eye contact (too much, not enough, slightly off-target)?

Two out of four = post back immediately!

I would give him one more chance on a low-key type of date

if you still get a bad feeling, call it a day

Just sick of giving people a second chance.

Grace- no worries about those 4 points.

I actually rather liked his manner in a way, very direct and humorous. Just made me cringe too though.

Feel really disappointed as felt quite excited too at beginning of date!

I'm very in love with my dh it took about 3 months from our first meeting for there to be a spark.

He didn't make a crass joke though btw.

Just saying the spark isn't always instant.

well, don't see him again then

nobody says you have to

He must be feeling like a giant penis now!
I say give it another go. I've said some idiotic things in my time and not always through nerves. Sometimes the wrong thing just comes out.

Hairy, just mis-read that as "feeling a giant penis now"...

that too!