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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

iI am leaving but starting to wobble

64 replies

shamsham · 30/01/2010 19:13

Okay so I posted here about my partner who has sadly degenerated into an abusive psycho in part thru years of drink and drug abuse. On one of my threads I got a fair bit of well meanibg but harsh advice which hurt at the time but I know were you were all coming from.
So an opportunity has arisen for me to pack the kids up and go whilst he attends weekend binge work conference next week.

I will be travelling over six hundred miles to escape with whatever i can manage to cram into the car .

I keep thinking this is being over dramatic but its the only way. I asked him to leave after xmas and he said he would but then I got the wobbles. I know that I will fall for the little boy lst act if I stay here. I have no support where I am now.

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 31/01/2010 12:08

oh, sham, I am sorry you had to go through so much shit to get to this point...

roxi09 · 31/01/2010 14:00

Go get out, run like the wind!
Good luck, here's to your new life
It won't be easy to begin with (I know), but keep looking forward when it gets tough.
Also I did the council thing this week and they will offer you a refuge or b&b to start with but you pretty much go to the top of the housing list if you are fleeing DV.

ItsGraceAgain · 31/01/2010 14:20

Great, that's encouraging Roxi! I mean, I know it's crummy to live in shared housing, but very reassuring to know you were accommodated straight away - and go to the top of the list.

Just off to see if you've updated

roxi09 · 31/01/2010 14:53

Off to update then lol!
I've been staying with family but that's what they told me they could offer me at my housing options interview.

Original poster
shamsham · 31/01/2010 16:10

Roxi thats great to hear.
Did they say anything about not being homeless if staying with family?
I'm a bit worried about the council tbh.

OP posts:
roxi09 · 31/01/2010 17:09

No, but I suppose it depends on your circumstances i.e. if you have your own rooms etc or if you are all crowding in.
Also it seemed to depend on the circumstances they were letting you stay, if they don't mind putting you up for a couple of weeks or if it was just a temporary bolthole it might make a difference.

Original poster
shamsham · 31/01/2010 17:14

We will all be in one room and it will definitely only be temporary as my dad is ill and mum works nights.With eldest dc s behavioral problems it will be extremely detrimental to all of us,

OP posts:
ItsGraceAgain · 31/01/2010 17:22

You'll be fine for social housing, then

ItsGraceAgain · 31/01/2010 17:34

You might not have thought about looking on the Shelter website for advice? Definitely ask at the CAB, too.

sungirltan · 31/01/2010 23:37

hi, you will have to prove that you are 'unintentionally homeless' therefore you will need evidence that wherever your interim housing is (family or whatever) is unsuitable (overcrowded) or that you are unable to stay there more than a few nights. Sometimes this means the housing officer will ask for a letter from your relative stating you cannot stay. this 'unitentionally homeless' status is really important. if you rent privately etc in the menatime you will lose it.

you will more than likely end up in temporary for a while but then you will have a banding (hopefully A or B) with which you can bid on available properties.

once you are in permanent accom you can apply for a 'community care grant' from the social fund. in my local authority the total you can recieve is £1300. with the application (i think) is a list of items you can claim for and the maximum you can ask for - for example you can ask for a total of £x for a single bed and £y for a double bed. its a complicated application and the money is given out at the LA's discretion from a total allocated each year to your council. (i used to be a support worker for refugees - i needed to know all this stuff for work)

sorry if this is duplicate of other posts - didnt have time to read through

wishing you all the best x

ItsGraceAgain · 05/02/2010 12:07

Hello, Shamsham How are your weekend plans shaping up? Hope all goes well. xx

Original poster
shamsham · 05/02/2010 12:47

Hi Grace the plans are going well but getting frustrated now.. p is on good form at the moment ; the up part of the cycle; which is emotionally draining for me as its harder to keep the resolve going.

Also car is playing up but if the worst comes to the worst I can get the ferry or the plane I suppose.

On the good side I got a great quote for storage and eventual shipment of stuff ( kids things). With being overseas I would be unlikely to be able to get the stuff back, if I leave it here.. think he could get spiteful ya know.

OP posts:
ItsGraceAgain · 05/02/2010 12:50

I'd guess that's a cert! It's a good thing you've been writing - if your resolve wobbles, you can look back & remind yourself what you're really moving away from. You're doing an amazing job - well done! And good luck!!

Original poster
shamsham · 05/02/2010 12:54

Yeah I just keep thinking of the image of eldest dc being man handled out of the house by dp in the morning because dp was raging that he had to get up and help me . the miserable lazy bastard

OP posts:
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