So I just checked out the competition on a dating website...

[poshsinglemum]

And all the ladies are GEORGEOUS with lovely photpos and really exciting hobbies such as skiing, horseriding, surfing and bungee jumping and then there's me.

Single mum of one with no life at the moment as dd wants booboo all the time. Leaky boobs because of breastfeeding and no job so skint.

I want to cry. I'm applying for jobs but I feel so boring and mumsy.

All the sexy men want sexy women with no responsibilities.

Hmmm... I don't think that's necessarily the case but understand why you'd be feeling a bit low if you're leaky and skint! The women on this site are probably as prone as anyone else to exaggerating both their charms and their hobbies as anyone else. Not every man wants "adventure girl" either.

I bet you're lovely and you we know you're posh! I'm told that's quite alluring.

The thing is I used to be an adventure girl and well travelled and I'd love to take up a new sport but dd is so yound so I can't. :-(

But you will be able to again. I do know where you're coming from. I was never adventure girl (too lazy) but I was very glamorous. I had a fantastic career with loads of foreign travel and jollies. Glammed around the world etc. Now I have DD (2.4) and I'm only now starting to see some glimpses of the old me (I'm still in here somewhere).

Obviously, we're all different but do you think it might be the same for you? Just a little while until you're back up to speed and being "you" again?

BTW, whenever I see your name now I shall think of "AdventureGirl".

young sorry and thanks for the replies!

I often feel very low, old and mumsy. I look in the mirror and see this grey looking old bat peering out at me. I wonder where I went and if anyone I fancy will ever look twice at me again. Then, on other days, I look just like the old me and, once I've dropped DD at nursery, turn up the music and drive off feeling quite perky. I'm hoping the latter will become the norm soon.

My boss (female and no agenda) told me yesterday that I look exactly like Nicola T who has been on Celebrity Big Brother. I hate that kind of tv so had no idea who she meant - had to Google her. Glamour model (of course!) but I was quite flattered as boss has only known me post baby and not as glamorous former self. So, my point is that just because you think you have lost yourself and are all mumsy and dull, you probably aren't seen that way by anyone else.

Oh please!

If they are so blöödy wonderful, why are they on a dating website?

haha good point! whay aren't these women already snatched up?

no-one is going to post about being a thrice- divorced gold digging loon, are they?

My response to you is a very boring one and one I would have found difficult to follow when I was in your shoes years ago. For what it is worth you should concentrate on your little one just for now, she won't be little for now, you won't be bfing for long (relatively speaking) and its just too hard to concentrate on the relaities of life with a small child and a new relationship (or even casual dating) at the same time. I know this sounds boring and lonely and shit but I promise it wouldn't be for long.

leave the dating website well alone for now

Posh, what they really mean is:

skiing - went on school trip, cowered on nursery slopes

horseriding - rode on donkey at Bridlington age 4

surfing - used to have a boyfriend who surfed. Had a go once. Screamed.

bungee jumping - went on gap year. Shat self.

Feel any better?

Exactly as diddl says .

How old is your dc? Tbh it took about two years after each of mine was born for me to feel remotely sexy again. Your time will come, I promise, just when you least expect it.

And I'll elaborate further:

Love meeting new people! - I don't know anyone because all my friends eventually backed slowly away

Likes going out with the girls - I spend a few days a week lying in my own vomit behind the nightclub

Adore world travel - B&B in the lake district, anyone?

Friendly and approachable - village bike

Easy to talk to/good listener - I go on and on and on about my ex husband

etc etc

If you have a tiny baby who is frequently breastfeeding are you going to be able to go on any dates?
I wonder if you're rushing things a bit. I'd wait until baby taking some solids and on less frequent feeding and can be left with expressed milk and friend.
You'll feel more sexy then as well.

LOL, Balloon and Vicky!

Internet dating rule number 1) Never check out the competition!

I'm on the ole internet dating circuit and thought that too.

But I keep my DD out of the loop and just focus on whether I'd see THEM again.

I could say 'Single mum with hardly any work at moment, living in council flat with roots that need retouching every few weeks and a MN habit'

Or: ''Happy, independent resourceful lady who's bought half her flat in nice area, got v interesting job ( when there's work!!) lots of friends and looking for proper love, not just second rate fling or timewasters..'

Anyway- let's face it, loads of MEN lie in their profiles or put up overly flattering pics of themselves. I've met some right porkers or boring dullards who fancy themselves as James Bond in pics or Jimmy Carr in funny emails. Then you meet them and they can barely string a sentence together!

Hi all. She's actually 19 months old and i'm not ready to date yet. I know everyone bigs them selves on on a dating site.

I totally agree, they all look terrifying, and like supermodels, and all seem to have these astonishingly wonderful lives.
But I have lots of male friends who use dating sites, and they've given me a better idea of the truth.

Apparently a lot of the photos are old/VERY flattering/totally inaccurate, to the point of being ludicrous. BIG shock when they met up, and not something that goes down well. So all those beauties? Yeah, right...

Most of the guys I've asked have gone out with at least 20 women from a site, before they found someone they really liked, and implied or said that it was because they weren't given the entire truth until they met up. Hm. So much for 'sexy no responsibilities' woman.

The most fascinating thing I learnt from a male friend the other night? I was a bit fecked off with being approached by mostly guys 5-10 years older than me. But apparently that's what a lot of men want, someone a bit younger than themselves. Not all, but mostly. So I've chilled out a bit and just accepted the younger ones are probably out of my league...and there are lots of nice hot 40 year old guys out there.

The strong message I'm getting from them all is that if you're lovely and genuine, they'll find you, and it becomes obvious to them who the good 'uns are. And accepting that a really sexy 40 year old is just the way it goes, cos the 30-35 year olds are looking for 23 year olds...it's just the way it is.

Mind you, I still think the 35 year old guys are kidding themselves. And scared of women of their own age. But that's another rant

picmaestress "Mind you, I still think the 35 year old guys are kidding themselves. And scared of women of their own age. But that's another rant"

I'd rather agree with you there... at 35 they still think they're hot enough to get some glam gorgeous 25 year old and yet not enough searing insight to realise that they may be over-extending their dating requirements.

I think I was about 32 when I realised that I really liked men 45 plus and 27 and under. They're got all the shit out of their systems when they get a little older and they've got past all that "my bitch ex-wife" bitterness... and of course the younger ones are too young for the baggage and love the older ladies. Hence a few years ago I picked myself up a delicious 22 year old who makes me very, very hapy and we're expecting our first! He's never made me feel anything but wonderful and reckons he's living the dream having an older gf!

I sympathise. But I dont think most of those women are what they seem. I spend most of my life doing housework and looking after kids - not much of a catch really!!! I get lots of messages from 50-60+ year old blokes looking for a younger woman(I am 45). why I would want an old man to look after when I have 2 young kids is anybodies guess??!! Also, they are invariably unnattached, their kids having grown up and are looking for travel partners etc. Not really going to happen So I just ignore them. Every now and then I do meet someone my own age, got a date tomorrow

Now then, not all the men on these websites are LOOKING for women with multitudes of hobbies.

I panicked because I have 2 small children, no money, little babysitting, and not pretty.

I met the most WONDERFUL man 9 months ago, who has 2 small children and no money, little babysitting - although IMO he is pretty .

He's my boyfriend.

have to say, men really do lie on dating sites: my ex signed up for one after we'd aplit up, and he put on a picture of him from when we went on holiday in Austria: it was half of a picture that had me chopped off! also, he has a skin condition that the doctor's are flumoxed by, so at oe point he had quite a bit of scabbing on his cheek: he put in one of his emails that he had fallen off his bike and fell onto his face!
and the worst sin for me, was that we have 5 chickens, one of which is an ex-battery hen, at the tiem he was on the site, the ex-batt looked really scraggy and manky (very few feathers and very scrawny) he posted a picture of the other four and put on his profile that he couldn't take a picture of Rita because she wouldn't keep still long enough. i know for a fact that he had at least 4 decent pictures of all of the girls including Rita.

I am mid-40s and weirdly have had lots of contact from men who are in their 20s and only one from a man of a similar age to me! Toyboys aren't all bad though

I never look at other women's profile - I agree that it is hugely depressing. I don't lie but lots of people do - I went on a date the other evening with a man who was unbelievably dull and said on his profile he was 6' and he was definitely no more than 5'9"

My boyfriend had odd personal 'filters' which we chuckled over. ie, nobody with active hobbies that would make him feel guilty for being lazy. Nobody with drawn on looking eyebrows. Nobody who, upon meeting, cannot string a coherent sentence. Nobody with big religion issues.

And anyway, we clickity-clicked straight away.

We are very similar. We could finish each other's sentences within 2 weeks of meeting. He's been hurt but managed not to carry that bitterness with him - and it also means he understands my sometimes irrational fears.

Anyway, I'm blarting on pointlessly. my point is, you had to be around 4 or 5 years ago, and reading my posts, to know where I came from, what I went through, to see how happy and shocked I am to find someone who talks to me, cuddles me, molests me while I wash up, and sets playstation games up to two player so I play with him, and makes me poached eggs on toast for breakfast - yet never ever demands my attention while I am actively giving it to my children.

I'm a bit of a weirdo, and amongst my friends I'm known as the militant feminist one. I'm too fat, and not pretty. If I can find someonbe I both fancy and love, so can you!

No one contacts me via my dating site profile. I think I'm too honest on it by what you lot have mentioned.
I'm 35 and tend to prefer the company of older women, my best female friend is 40 this year.
Poshsinglemum, don't suppose a dull boring bloke like me would be of interest to you. I hate sport, most exercise I do is walking up Box Hill or around Windsor Great Park, often with a toddler in tow.

Oooooo PSM go for a date with nannynick DO IT NOW

DO IT

OMG how exciting...