Hen Night Hell

[saggyhairyarse]

A very good friend since infant school is getting married and I am a bridesmaid.

Her hen night is a hen weekend which I cannot afford. It is bad timing as so soon after the expense of Christmas for us (early Feb), I have yet to buy the shoes and accessories she wants me to get for my bridesmaid outfits and the wedding is in March so a lot of expenditure coming at a bad time (wedding was announced in October so not much time to budget for given Christmas round the corner.

My DH is self-employed and can't work the weekend because of it, he has also never looked after our 3 children on his own. He is also an alcoholic, i.e. drink dependant but won't be blindingly drunk so for me to leave my children for 2 nights with him is a no-no.

My kids are 8, 5 and 2 so it is not that I don't want to leave young children with him but that I never had and I probably never would because he has his drink problem (he is not a bad man but my concerns are what if he needs to take one to hospital etc etc etc).

I know many will be "dump your husband if you can't trust him" but that is not on the agenda as I knew what he was when I married him and I knew I would have to protect the kids from any issues and it is all fine except now 'I have to go away'.

The money is a big problem as we are trying to remortgage at the moment but I am also having last minute nerves about leaving the kids (will be over night).

Now emails are flying about requesting money for activities, dressing up stuff and meals etc and I just feel like it has all got out fo hand and I can't afford it, I really won't enjoy the activity and I just want to cry.

So ladies, what should I do????

that is exactly what I would do chandon, but I would go straight to the root of the problem, tbh (and not even mention the money issue)

AF, I know,and I am not but I am a glass half full person and try not to let the barstards get me down...

That being said am finding it hard to see any D in DH as he came home really excited that he is going to see Audiojack at a local club, even though it is on the first day that I am meant tobe away.

Did you not know the world revolves around my DH sigh

Been difficult evening as kids had friends for tea when he said about the club night. I obviously said that is the hen weekend and he is feeling hard done by that he never gets to do what he wants. The irony!

Anyway, I am deffo getting in touch with Al-Anon. I need to know what other people do to cope with this and manage issues well as I think you are all right and I have just coasted so far.

Sorry, regarding the hen night, I have decided I am going to just go up for the day on the Saturday. This will save me some costs on meals and activities as well as not leaving the children too long.

I'm going to fake a reason just because I know what a can of worms it will be to divulge the truth now and I really don't want to taint my friends celebrations as she is a really good friend and doesn't deserve it BUT I will give her a suitably decent honeymoon period and tell her then.

Someone said 'who is supporting you?' and it has made me think that actually there is no one.

good plan, saggy, only you know what is best in the hen night situation

you must start talking to people though, you cannot carry this on your own, you will make yourself ill

your DH sounds monumentally selfish, tbh

when do you get to do what you want ?

it's all about him

Saggy, I really feel for you.

I think you should really go to al anon. I went to a meeting at a support group yesterday, I thought it was going to be awful, but it was such a relief to talk to other people who are experiencing the same as me, who understands. (my support group is dementia related, so although it is nothing to do with drink, it has a lot to do with coping with unreasonable behaviour, though in a totally different way ofcourse)