Hello.
Apologies for the extra-long title.
I'm in desperate need of advice as I'm seriously considering leaving my DP.
I just cannot believe the man I love has turned into this selfish, arrogant , heartless -insert swear word here-!
We met 3 years ago when I was a single mum to my DD (then 1, now 4). He is 31. We moved in together last March (his idea) when I was 3 months pregnant (joint desicion, DS is now 5 months). I know everyone says this, but the first 2 years were bliss - He was in love with me, perfect gentleman, honestly a gem (and I have had a bag egg before - DD's dad).
However the past year he has gradually changed from the man I knew into a complete bully.
Here are some examples-
1)He has a couple of times told me he was leaving me - "you got over your mum's death you will get over me" and comments as such whilst leaving, then come back 5 mins later saying he loves me, doesn't want to lose me, tries to have sex with me 5 mins after telling me he's leaving? wtf?
- He has told me he doesn't know if he can deal with my DD, despite deciding wholeheartedly to treat her as his own (or so it seemed from what he said at the time).
He looks after the kids on a Thu and Fri whilst I'm at work, although only DD for an hour or so because she is nursery 9-4 and I'm back at 5ish. Twice when I've told him she is off nursery on hols he has taken a strop that he'd have to look after her the whole day. "I can't be bothered with her whining" , "you will just have to be off work cos I'm not dealing with her asking 'Why' all day". Called him today to remind him to pick her up early cs she has a doctors appointment for ear infection - he said "But I'm supposed to be going out tonight, what if I don't get back on time?" no concern whatsoever for DD's illness.!!!!
3)He studies at Uni and therefore 'cannot' provide for kids - he says he provides by looking after them whilst I'm at work (2 f'ing days - his mum does the other 3!).
He lives on his £50 per week bursary for travel, cigs, beer etc.(i pay all bills so he has loads of food in here). The other day I refused to lend him money for beer (i said in a non-threatening way I think he drinks too much and it's not my job to fund it) and he called me a "cheeky bitch". On Sunday he took £3 of MY money from the table without asking despite knowing it was mine. He later said it was for bus fares but he had a weekly all-zones bus ticket running for another 2 days in his pocket! I confronted him and he just denied it!
4)He doted on DS as a newborn but now just can't be bothered with him at all. He feeds him, changes him and then puts him in baby seat with a toy - if DS cries after that he ignores him, says it's just DS having a 'bad nature' apparently (HE IS A BABY, HE IS BORED! GIVE HIM ANOTHER TOY, OR BETTER STILL- INTERACT WITH YOUR SON!!!) . His answer to this is that it's my fault he doesn't look at DS as he doesn't like being told what to do by me , and that apparently he is not there for DS 'entertainment'
5)He went on a planned camping trip before xmas despite me having bad tonsillitus and temp of 40 degrees! I could barely get out of bed to look after DC's - again his mum had to pick up his pieces and take time off work to help me - again, a selfish so-and-so!
6)He is thouroughly unpleasant to be around, constantly swears at the tv - the other night there was a programme on about a family with 19 kids and he was saying "that's f'ing discusing, she's disgusing!" and even worse (he does this almost constantly now)
7)If I try to talk to him about the situation he REFUSES to acknowledge my existence - just turns the tv up louder and shouts at me to "FUCK OFF!" or something dismissive and ignorant like "OH THIS BIG BROTHER IS INTERESTING, OH I WONDER WHAT TO HAVE FOR DINNER..." drowning me out.
8)He has said before that he is taking his son, and I will see my son when he's 16 , then revised it and said I can have him on weekends! Oh lucky me!
Any of his behaviour is turned around on me because I made the mistake of developing feelings for an old friend when we were going through a bad patch when i was 3 months pregnant. I am genuinely sorry for this, I begged to have him back even although at the time he was being extremely verbally abusive and i was hormonal and confused. I have NEVER done anything like that since, and have reassured him until I'm blue in the face. Been over it a million times with him gently and lovingly but Iam losing patience now because he will never agree to speak to me about the way he treats me.
Honestly, he was so great at the beginning. That is my only hope - that he will go back to the way he was before but I highly doubt it. I actually HATE him now and typing the stuff above made me realise that surely I cannot be wrong - surely that is unacceptable?
Iam on the very verge of throwing him out (lease in my name, not married) but Iam weak as it is the 10th anniversary of my mum's death tomorrow and I have no other supportive family or friends. (although he is not supportive as you can see). . My family aren't really interested in me (well my dad's not and my sisters are in their early teens so too young, my friends are college or night-out or mummy friends and not too close)
Iam really sorry for the HUGE length of post but I just needed to get all that out! If I think of any more I will post it - even if only to strengthen my resolve for if/when I do throw him out, so I won't wobble and call him out of loneliness.
Thanks for reading (if you have made it this far!)
I'm at a loss- please tell me I'm right to leave him. I don't seem to have any idea of what 'normal' is anymore...