I have offered so much advice to so many women, and yet now when it matters most, i cannot get through

[mamazon]

My sister has been seeing a guy for around 4 months.

from the very beginning i had a bad feeling about him. Its not that i dislike him, but straight away he reminded me of my x.

as time went by i realised why i made the comparison. he was treating her like a ossession. whilst outwardly it looked as though he just loved her very much, to me it just screamed possessive insecure control freak. nothing i could ut my finger on exactly just that general feeling. iyswim.

on wednseday he asked if he could come to see her (she lives at home with my folks and he lives in london(
she said no as my family have all been staying since christmas and they have only just gone home. they wanted a nice quiet night.

he just turned up despite her saying not to. when he got there he produced a pregnancy test for her to do. she had no reason to suspect that she was so she laughingly did the test just to rove him wrong.
it was positive.

obviously there is more to it than i can go into on here but everything about this guy screams possessive control freak abuser, and here she is pregnant by him.

she was talking about splitting with him just days before this but all of a sudden she seems to have had a change of heart.

Of all the women i have been able to help out of abusive relationships and yet my own sister refuses to listen.

I pray that im wrong about him, but sadly i am not the only one that can see the warning signs.

I feel so useless. the one thing that helps me deal with what i went through is the knowledge that my experiences have helped save others from the same fate. i dont mean that quite as selfishly as it sounds, but i am really really worried for my sister and all i can do is sit back and wait until i am proven right.

Google 'impregnorium'. It is a site dedicated to the sexual fantasy/reality of impregnation. Whilst the site - as far as I can see - does not condone non-consensual impregnation there are lots of tips as to how one can impregnate one's partner and even how women can trick men into impregnating them. Maybe be your DS's partner has joined up.

My friend joined up when she and her DP were ttc and wanted it to be 'hot and sexy' - more info than I wanted. I had no idea sites like this existed till then. I kind of find the site fascinating/horrifying in a people watching sense. I joined up just so I could read the forum posts - am extremely nosy - and it is worrying how many men subscribe to the 'keeping her barefoot and pregnant' idea. Very unpleasant all round.

Grace I had that as well - why didn't anyone tell me? They did! I just didn't hear it at the time - but on some level, it went in.

I think that the "rope" plan is your best bet mamazon and I agree with the PP who said that having a baby might be the making of her. If she hasn't got years and years of loyalty to him then the protective mother feelings are likely to outweigh her feelings towards him - especially as the relationship is in very early stages now.

Although, I can think of one thing which would have made me really think, though I am afraid it might be too late. If someone had told me that the night before I went into labour with my first child - who, obviously, means the world to me - I would cry myself to sleep feeling so so sorry for this tiny baby that I was bringing into the world, who I wanted everything to be perfect for, knowing that I had picked the wrong father for him. When I was first pregnant and before I got pregnant I had no idea I would feel this way, but I did, and I still feel guilty about not picking DS a better Dad.

Bertie the picking the right father thing is something i am going tot say. it is so true.
i will ask her if this guy is the man she wants her children to have as their father. if this is the man that will be the best dad to her children she could find.

if anything gets through, i will hope that does.

that wouldnt have got through to me, Im afraid
if he is one of those charismatic, fascinating control freaks, she'll say yes.

Poor you, must be horrid. Would second the advice of listening but not offering too much advice- and venting on here! My ex was so charismatic, and charming, and she is prob blinded by that atm. Try and stay close so you're there, i can understand how hard and fustrating that is.

She's lucky to have a sister who cares.

Much sympathy, unfortunately when you have been in abusive relationship, a lot of people think you are "paranoid/suspicious" of everything
My best friends daughter was in a nasty abusive relationship, every time I tried to warn her (my friend), she just said I was over reacting and not all men were like my XH
I was right though

Just keep being there for her, and dont push her away, dont let him isolate her

Oh god mamazon, how awful for you all. I do agree that she needs you to be there and listen, am I right in thinking the women you have helped will normally have been a lot more receptive and out of the 'honeymoon' abusing stage?

I have to say that her losing it with you sounds to me like she can't reconcile her 'lovely' 'caring' DP with your ex as she is still in the honeymoon mode.

Have you spoken to her friend about both making sure you are there for her? Although if she finds out you are talking about ehr she will be driven more to him.

Christ, it's so fucking hard though, I really do feel for you

thanks ladies.

Friend knows not to let slip that i have shared my concerns with her.

I am off out to meet some lovely MNers for lunch. I am very much looking forward to a few hours of not thinking about it.

What a horrible and frightening situation for you. Is there anyway you can let on to the man that you've got his number and will be keeping a very close eye on him and his actions? Or is this something that could backfire horribly on your sister?

Mamazon

Do you think you should have name changed for this?
You are identifiable from info and MNTV on here and posting such personal information about your sister could make her more vulnerable.

I am also just not sure about the ethical dilemmas of posting info about friends and family when they could be identified via the poster. I know this is a bit off topic, but don't want to start a thread about it and be accused of the whole 'thread about a thread' thing.

Really don't want to cause offence or upset.