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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

DIVORCE - what was the lowest level your ex sunk to

55 replies

RocheMoutonee · 21/01/2010 09:03

in the negotiations or post divorce behaviour?

did he hack your email?
harrass your parents?

OP posts:
BitOfFun · 21/01/2010 09:05

Mine wrote a letter to my parents exposing my appalling behaviour

We did laugh.

RocheMoutonee · 21/01/2010 09:06

lol
i didnt knwo you had been married before BOffy.
thisis not me but sheesh some men have NO SHame

OP posts:
ChickensLoveMarmite · 21/01/2010 09:07

What did it say, BOF? And did you get grounded?

RocheMoutonee · 21/01/2010 09:23

arf

OP posts:
BitOfFun · 21/01/2010 09:27

Oh he said things like he was at the end of his tether and he thought they should know exactly what sort of a person their daughter was, blah blah. He made a right tit of himself- it was priceless.

IneedacleanerIamalazyslattern · 21/01/2010 09:34

BOF did he then pass that letter onto my ex who read it to my parents my ex did the same (we weren't married but had been together years had 2 dc's), he told y parents that I smoked at the time.....I was in my 20's so not a huge revelation really.

he also did hack my email, well I say hack he actually put a key logger on my laptop got all my info and went into my emails and various other sights.

Oh he registered on here and gave out a sob story about how awful I was so I namechanged in answer to him and gave my side also...must try and remember that name actually and re-read that again.

He managed to change the password on my then bf (no dh) email and Bebo etc and read all that stuff pm's and such.

He threatened to kill himself as I had wrecked his life so much and set off to walk 22 miles in -15 degrees in the middle of the night ended up with hypothermia and me bailing him out by sending a taxi for him before he actually did fulfill his wish.

God he did loads more but the bizarre thing is now we actually get on ok, I tried to put it all behind me for the dc's and we are actually not bad friends although I would never trust him the same now.

IneedacleanerIamalazyslattern · 21/01/2010 09:34

sites even

RocheMoutonee · 21/01/2010 09:35

It is illegal to do the email thing you know -= wasnt that what Tamara Mellon ( snigger) 's h did?

OP posts:
RocheMoutonee · 21/01/2010 09:38

rofl read - " she worked as a shop girl"

snigger

OP posts:
Anniegetyourgun · 21/01/2010 09:43

"She made £185m this year from selling the company" - some shop girl...

Alambil · 21/01/2010 09:46

hacked my mail - check
harrassed family - check

also: reported me to SS, hacked my ebay account to tell all my buyers I was selling stolen goods (ds's old clothes - apparently they belonged to DS so only DS could sell them), took me to court for contact and then declared that mid week was too expensive and weekend was unavailable - this was 18 months into the case. The judge nearly laughed at him.

RocheMoutonee · 21/01/2010 09:47

i have a few questios
do judges seriously belive that a cohabiting couple can NOT share finances if this is was the ex maintains ( in an effort to avoid her being liable)

OP posts:
akhems · 21/01/2010 09:48

mine harassed my mum, told the neighbours he'd caught me in bed with a man/woman - the story changed according to who he was telling

then he got mugged and accused me in court of hiring hitmen to do it

and finally....... his cherry on the cake.. he tried to sue me for half of what I would inherit from my parents - this was 15 years ago and my mum's still alive

RocheMoutonee · 21/01/2010 09:48

hitmen???

any of yours start asing about parents wills?

OP posts:
MaggieNilAonSneachta · 21/01/2010 09:50

BitofFun, my x tried that! we all laughed to. I was embarrassed to have become mixed up with such a nutter though, and for my parents to realise the full extent of his nutjobbery after his letter.

Anniegetyourgun · 21/01/2010 09:51

Lowest thing XH did was to browbeat DS4 (then 9) into saying he wanted to live with his dad. Telling him stuff like "if you live with me you can stay in this house with all your brothers and everything will be the same, if you live with mummy you'll have to go to Sweden and have her boyfriend as your new daddy and she'll play computers all the time and forget to feed you". Oh and the guilt trip "if you don't live with me then we'll have to sell this house because I won't get the child benefit and can't afford to keep it, but mummy will be fine because she's got her salary". He even did this in front of me and got the older boys to join in. Took several months to get them to realise the truth (starting with the fact that there was no boyfriend and I wasn't about to leave the country! though maybe there is SOME truth in the computer playing charge...) and a couple of years to get DS4 over the trauma.

He also accused me of hugging the poor little mite "deliberately" when he got upset in order to get him on my side.

I know he was able to justify it in his own mind as being better for the children in the long term, I also know he suffers from an interesting collection of PDs, but there are some things that are absolutely unforgiveable.

ChickensLoveMarmite · 21/01/2010 09:52

This is priceless. I had no idea that disgruntled ex's felt the need to write down a list of their ex spouse's offences. Someone should publish them in a book.

MaggieNilAonSneachta · 21/01/2010 09:53

akhems! that is just beyond unreasonable. he is insane. your mum must have laughed at that!!! i am laughing here. my x hasn't pulled that stunt yet!

Anniegetyourgun · 21/01/2010 09:59

A close friend actually offered to pay for a hitman to break XH's limbs if he was being too difficult over the negotiations. I thanked her for her kind concern but explained that I did not feel it was necessary, that the children wouldn't like it, that I didn't want him to have any more excuses not to work, and that the police would inevitably suspect that I was behind it. I could have added that it would rob me of the satisfaction of taking him apart myself, but that would be silly...

akhems · 21/01/2010 10:00

it was, even the judge told him he was ridiculous.. on both occasions

kyotokate · 21/01/2010 10:03

This was in the early 80's. I was living in a local authority homeless families unit (do they exist anymore?) when my then husband followed my daughter and I in and up the stairs shouting she doesn't have to live here she has a good home to go to. He then followed me out onto the road which was a busy road and threatened to throw himself in front of a lorry. I told him to go ahead!!!

Not a good thing for a 4 year old to witness.

RocheMoutonee · 21/01/2010 10:04

ah the will thing resonates here
glad the judge laughed

OP posts:
itsmeolord · 21/01/2010 10:17

My ex sent a fully annotated invoice to me and copied in most of my immediate family, ie parents, aunts, uncles etc.

He had charged me for;

travel before we moved in together.

childcare (if he had on the odd occasion had dd without me present)

alchohol and taxi fares (from the very occasional nights out we had had.)

Clothing (from the very occasional nights out we had had)

Toys for dd (from christmas/birthdays when we had jointly bought her presents.)

Gifts (my birthday and christmas presents)

Personal injury (when he threw dd and I out he put his back out taking my things to the dump)

Emotional distress (apparently I had scarred him for life by refusing to go ahead with the "surprise" marriage ceremony he had arranged therefore leaving him no choice other than to dump me and force dd and I to move out with nothing but a few clothes and dds toys.)

He also called my mum on Christmas day to tell her I hadn't got him a christmas present and to let her know that I had stolen money from his family and she should think about disowning me.

I still think fondly of him even now.

IneedacleanerIamalazyslattern · 21/01/2010 10:21

Th really stupid thing about hacking DH's accounts is that he had already been up in court for a domestic breach of the peace (on Christmas Eve no less ) and had a suspended sentence.
So he did it told me about it and then wondered if we were going to call the police??

ChickensLoveMarmite · 21/01/2010 10:22

itsmeolord, you win. Your Ex is hereby awarded the 'Deluded Nutjob' shiny trophy.