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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

I looked on Fb and now am sooo angry

41 replies

norksinmywaistband · 20/01/2010 22:12

For those of you who don't know my "story" I am currently divorcing my H for a year long adulterous affair he had whilst trying to work things out with me.
Tonight we have been having finacial discussions to try and get to an agreement before we have to attend mediation.

He has always been controlling, and I thought I had the measure of him, but he has outdone himself this time.

Basically told me it was all over how sorry and regretful he was how he only needs a large chunk of equity to provide for the children bla bla bla.

I was strong throughout and didn't let my guard slip, but once he had gone, I began to think, well maybe I am being overly harsh.

So I went onto Fb and looked at his company page which has loads of photos and in one he is snogging her THIS week...

I am so angry at myself for nearly being drawn in to his crap again.

OP posts:
displayuntilbestbefore · 20/01/2010 22:14

Is he under the impression that he is a teenager? Who posts pictures of themselves "snogging" on FB?

coldtits · 20/01/2010 22:16

Let is affect your emotions. That is natural and shouldn'tbe suppressed.

Don't let it affect your actions, as you need to do what is right no matter what he is doing.

Don't for a SECOND let him think you have seen that picture.

Original poster
norksinmywaistband · 20/01/2010 22:16

His whole company is built of people like that, It was posted by a collegue, was a night out last week.

OP posts:
displayuntilbestbefore · 20/01/2010 22:18

I agree with coldtits, don't let him have the satisfaction of knowing that you've seen the picture but also don't try to suppress your feelings about this or you will become exhausted with trying to put on a brave face.

Original poster
norksinmywaistband · 20/01/2010 22:18

TBH it just proves what a bare faced liar he is and reminds me I must keep my guard up at all times

OP posts:
BelleDameSansMerci · 20/01/2010 22:19

Can you somehow keep a copy of it with dates? Not sure you'll need it but always best to keep as much ammunition as possible.

Practical stuff over.

Bloody, bloody, bloody arse! Thank heavens you didn't fall for his sob story.

Original poster
norksinmywaistband · 20/01/2010 22:19

Really hurt though, wish I hadn't snooped on the page.

OP posts:
Ronaldinhio · 20/01/2010 22:20

fecking facebook, sorry you had to see that

agree entitely with what colditz said...
remain strong through negotiations for your family and future

AnyFucker · 20/01/2010 22:20

am not surprised by this, norksy

he is a dick of the highest order

don't relax your guard, stay strong and angry

OneOf8 · 20/01/2010 22:20

better off without him. Guy sounds a joker with little/no respect. I would be livid.

Don't let him know you know, and that it affected you, as he sounds the sort to use it against you.

x

AnyFucker · 20/01/2010 22:22

don't be under any impression that his workmates have any respect for him, away from the drink-fuelled snogfests

his nobbery will be well-known and discussed behind his back

he certainly ain't the big man, he is a pillock

Original poster
norksinmywaistband · 20/01/2010 22:24

I would never give him the satisfaction of letting him know I had seen it, he would take me mentioning it as a sign my resolve was weakening.

I am not that surprised either tbh AF I think thats why I snooped, sounded too familiar IYKWIM.

I have been resolutely strong and now my anger is through the roof

OP posts:
nickschick · 20/01/2010 22:28

I hope he gets a massive infected cold sore

kormachameleon · 20/01/2010 22:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Anniegetyourgun · 20/01/2010 22:59

Funny, I always say Facebook is evil, but it's done you a favour this time.

What he's up to is nothing to do with the finances, though. Makes no difference whether he's sorry or not, who he's snogging or whether he's set up home with a sheep; the marriage is over and you have children to look after. Get every penny you can for self and DCs, and don't trust him as far as you can throw him to do the right thing in future. Force him to do the right thing now.

TheUsefulSuspect · 20/01/2010 23:38

nothing wrong with Facebook, just how people use it, scum bags are scums with or without social networking.

foxytocin · 20/01/2010 23:44

don't feel guilty about snooping on his page.

all is fair in love and war.

or read

The Art of War by Sun Tzu.

Mongolia · 20/01/2010 23:50

Have you also consulted a solicitor? mediation on its own may leave out some financial perks you may get if the relationship with that woman has progressed to certain level.

RedbinDippers · 20/01/2010 23:50

Why are you so reluctant to provide for the children. He might be an arsehole but why should you let them suffer because you are annoyed at him?

Mongolia · 20/01/2010 23:53

Well, it depends... on my ex's point of view "providing for the children" meant he deserved slightly less than all the assetts even when DS is with me most of the time, and my income is substantially less than his.

StirlingInDaSnowDrift · 21/01/2010 00:01

Sorry you saw this shit Norks - I know it must hurt.

Direct your anger to sorting the financial shit out with your stb-ex. Dont feel sorry for him ever again.

Hope you have a glass of wine at hand

Original poster
norksinmywaistband · 21/01/2010 07:40

Thanks, I am calmer this morning, more an undercurrent of anger, not at him, I know he is a scumbag, but more at myself for nearly being drawn in.

I do have a solicitor and he has recieved his petition based on the adultery, all the maintainance and contact for the DC is sorted, this was just a discussion about splitting the equity in the property.

I will be making a solicitor appt as soon as they open this morning and will be making him an offer on the equity (less than he wants) We can now discuss it/ come to an agreement through solicitors letters. I have also told him that it is in his financial interest to agree with me as he has been petitioned for all costs, so the longer discussions go on the more it will cost him.

Red - I am not reluctant to provide for the DC, the finances we are discussing would be a charge on the property anyway, so for the forseeable future he would not have his hands on the money anyway. As I se it the more equity I get the more stable this home will be for me and the DC in the future.

OP posts:
HappyWoman · 21/01/2010 07:58

well done norks - i have followed your story and see what a strong woman you are.

Get as much of the equitiy as you can - you can always give it back to him when you feel a bit more generous .

And when you have please post a photo of yourself on facebook wrapped around a lovely young man!! .

Anniegetyourgun · 21/01/2010 08:42

Indeed. The "business needs it so I can better provide for the children in future" line sounds reasonable enough on the face of it. Norks, as a reasonable person herself, was nearly persuaded by it. However, it assumes (a) his business does need it and (b) that he does have the kids' best interests in mind. Neither of these assumptions is at all safe in the case of a lying toad who has already put his mistress in front of his family and continues to have no more than a passing acquaintance with the truth.

PurpleRayne · 21/01/2010 10:35

So he wants a larger chunk of the joint equity so he can provide more for the children? Get good solicitor advice! My ex spent his share of the equity on his new girlfriend, after promising it would be to take the children on holidays etc.,