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Original poster

I looked on Fb and now am sooo angry

41 replies

norksinmywaistband · 20/01/2010 22:12

For those of you who don't know my "story" I am currently divorcing my H for a year long adulterous affair he had whilst trying to work things out with me.
Tonight we have been having finacial discussions to try and get to an agreement before we have to attend mediation.

He has always been controlling, and I thought I had the measure of him, but he has outdone himself this time.

Basically told me it was all over how sorry and regretful he was how he only needs a large chunk of equity to provide for the children bla bla bla.

I was strong throughout and didn't let my guard slip, but once he had gone, I began to think, well maybe I am being overly harsh.

So I went onto Fb and looked at his company page which has loads of photos and in one he is snogging her THIS week...

I am so angry at myself for nearly being drawn in to his crap again.

OP posts:
Alibabaandthe40nappies · 21/01/2010 10:41

Norks - you sound like you've really got things sorted out in your mind. Good on you when he has been such an arse.

WhenwillIfeelnormal · 21/01/2010 12:59

I often think there's a reason why we do certain things Norks. Something compelled you to look at his Facebook page - maybe because you felt yourself being sucked in and wanted to verify what you were being told was true, or to verify your (much more reliable now) instincts that you were being lied to. Which was it?

I'm assuming his "sorrow" therefore included that he has given up OW, realised he has burnt his boats with you and now wants to do the decent thing by his kids? So you felt justifiable anger when you saw evidence of that crock of shite?

Again, this happened for a reason Norks and it's good if your instincts are serving you well. Might be worth working out what they were on this occasion though, to identify whether you are actually still vulnerable. Were you looking for verification of the truth - or his lies?

Original poster
norksinmywaistband · 21/01/2010 13:17

WWIFN, I was looking for lies, I do not trust him as far a I could spit, and thought his recent act was too good to be true - and I was right.
I think I looked because he was beginning to get to me and I needed a reminder if how much of a twat he is.

OP posts:
Original poster
norksinmywaistband · 21/01/2010 13:20

Think he is also getting a bit shitty, he rang this morning whist I was in the middle of the school run to remind me that he will not shift his request for equity in the property whatever I say. I think again he was trying to catch me off guard at the busiest time of the day, luckily I had already been on here and sorted my plan for the morning, so I just said sorry busy with DC, I will be speaking to my solicitor later about last nights conversation and put the phone down.

OP posts:
HappyWoman · 21/01/2010 13:23

norks he has for so long been in control of you- and he probably knows of your 'nice' nature. Therefore he feels secure in being able to 'fiddle' you out of as much as he can with the split of the equity.

You probably did feel yourself start to think maybe he had some remorse and wanted to finally do the right thing by his dc.

Have faith in yourself for doing the right thing by them and take control of as much of the money as you can - he will no doubt accuse you of doing the opposite, remember he created this mess.

Stay strong,

Mongolia · 21/01/2010 17:06

Norks, I posted this for you yesterday... in another thread.... perhaps something to mention to the solicitor.

Pretend you know nothing about the woman, the truth is, that painful as it is you can do nothing about her...

... but one thing:

If he starts cohabitating with her... her assets count as his (from salary to properties) so... think it as a little karma gift, you may get a bit more than what you are expecting.

Original poster
norksinmywaistband · 21/01/2010 18:08

Thanks for the input.
Feeling much better this evening
Seeing solicitor on Monday

OP posts:
Mumfun · 21/01/2010 20:44

Get as much out of him as possible. Youre the only one who can be trusted to provide for the children -he will spend it on other women in the future and (sorry) possibly other children. Protect yours now!

Original poster
norksinmywaistband · 22/01/2010 18:39

LMFAO - got a letter from his solicitor today, highlighting how regretful he is and how he is attending counselling to discover "why he acted in the way he did jepordising a loving relationship" and wishes me to reconsider my actions and attend relate with a view to reconcilliation.

He also wishes me to consider that I should reduce my petition for costs, and set a maximum , if I do intend to proceed.

I am just laughing at his total knobbery.

He can go fuck himself he is getting divorced, there will be no relate sessions, I will take him for every penny and yes He WILL pay all the costs.

Now does anyone know how to print pictures with dates from FB!!!

OH and after reconsideration he will now agree to my figure on finances I plan on Decree Absolute by Easter!!!

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 22/01/2010 18:43

go girl !!!!!

Anniegetyourgun · 23/01/2010 00:00

#cheer#

HappyWoman · 23/01/2010 07:32

thats cheered me up too!

And whats to say you cant attend relate AFTER the divorce?

Can you not reconsider and now ask for more too????

You deserve this well done for being so strong.

Mongolia · 24/01/2010 13:58

I would jump at the option of using Relate, not because I want to go back, but because I guess many of the misunderstanding that have got us to these sorry circumstances may have a chance to be cleared off, and eventually to allow us to co parent together again.

Original poster
norksinmywaistband · 24/01/2010 17:25

I understand that it would be a good option for some couples Mongolia, but ExH has had 3 oppertunities to attend relate with me in the past year and turned everyone down, he is controlling and manipulating, and doesn't want to make things more amicable - He wants me back under his control.
Relate will not be helpful in our case, I never wish to reconcile out relationship, and ATM I am able to discuss things with him to a certain level - for everything we can't there are solicitors

OP posts:
Mongolia · 24/01/2010 18:01

I wouldn't dream of discussing anything related with money with exh unless I have a witness, the number of the police on hand, and a recorder on my hand.

But I would like to discuss things related to DS. We have no communication at all (his choice), and obviously the only person paying for this is DS.

HappyWoman · 24/01/2010 19:12

norks - leave relate for another time. Let him go and sort himself out and then when he discovers how 'real' humans react and feel he may be at last to see just what he has put you through - you dont need to witness that at the moment though.

My bet is 2 years he will be wanting you back for good. It will take him about that long to really see what he has lost.

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