Pictures on his camera

[Thomcat]

He got home from Ibiza last night. He left Friday night for a jolly with the boys.

Our camera was on kitchen table this mornig so I had a flick, as you do.

How many pics of girls?!

One of whom was leaning over him while he lay on the floor and in the next pic she's walking on his back. Lovely.

Another pic of some topless girl in the sea, actually there were 3 or 4 of her. Great.

Nothing really bad, but not what I wanted to see. Calmed down a bit, trying to reign in those pregnancy hormones, but have to say I'm not exactly happy.

Really think that if that's what "boys" weekends to Ibiza about then that was the last one.

How would he have liked to see the me with a load of blokes and pics of me with random men in bars, and on the beach etc? Maybe I'll have to find out.

Hmmm, the bubble in my stomach says 'not happy'.

He's gone to work now and I'm off in a mo so time for you to share your thoughts if you like before I see him tonight.

How would you feel?

Firstly TC CONGRATULATIONS [GRIN] I had no idea you were pregnant. Wonderful news

I must admit that deep down i would be a bit peed off but i personally wouldn't let DP know that. I am not bothered by DP looking at ladies and giving his mates a bit of a nudge but that is when i am aware of it, i think the fact that he was away in a different country doing it would play on my mind more than anything.

However, should this have happened when i was pregnant with DD it would have been a completely different story, I would've screamed, shouted, ranted & raved like a warped creature but then i was a warped creature most of the time i was pregnant.

agree with lou
my natural reaction would be to fly into a rage but I'd try and play it a bit calmly if you can
I think it's a plus he didn't bother deleting them (although then of course you wouldn't be upset) I fondly imagine my dp just drinks and chats on these 'boys' occasions but god knows, can't think of anything more tedious than a boys' weekend myself (I'm not a boy, obv)and I bet half the participants are delighted to get home

At the least he's been insensitive leaving those pictures on his phone - should be treating you with kid gloves now.

I'd want to kill him too, and there'd certainly not be any more boys' weekends, but you need to discuss it and he should know that you're upset, so you have to be calm but not calm enough that he thinks it's ok to do that.
Can you pitch it so he gets that "I'm being adult about this but I may just go over the edge at any point" vibe?

I wouldn't be bothered about him looking or having an innocent giggle but i'd be annoyed that he bothered to take pics and i'd delete them!

Don't think i would be able to let it lie. I would be so cross, but hurt at the same time. As i would never dream of doing that to him, if it was me in that situation.

Slightly differnt situation but when I found some rather dodgy sites listed in DH history (Hardcore pussy.....etc etc), I just said to him "How the bloody hell would you feel if you discovered I was looking a better looking, more toned men, with bigger willies on the PC while you were in bed?"

He's never done it again as he said "I'd be gutted" I check the history sometimes so I'm pretty sure he hasn't.

I know this is different, TC but maybe saying something similar would get the point across.

Message withdrawn

on your behalf TC! However, I probably would have expected it from a blokes holiday in Ibiza. I don't mean it's ok, but a group of men together.... on a notoriously 'clubby' island.... surrounded by scantily clad(or naked) girls is just too much for their simple brains to cope with without taking a few snaps.

Yeah OK, he's a man, they look- but does he need to bring pics home, or even take them in the first place? No. If it upsets you then it isn't OK is it? Hee needs to get that.

You can't change men but they need to respect your levels of OK and your feelings. My dh works in a place where they get free access to top shelf 'lit' but he wouldn't bring it home, he understands the unacceptable bit is upsetting me.
Your dp needs to get that too.

Hi Thomcat - agree with everyone else really. Think he's certainly been astoudingly tactless ands insensitive ... even if the trip was beer fuelled "whor, look at that", why take the flipping pictures. And you being pregnant, what a tw*at !

Hope he apologises big time for this .... I'd go mad myself.

BTW, re: getting the pics developed (if that's what you want) ... take the camera to any Boots and they have a really simple machine where you insert the camera's memory card and select which pics you want to print. Press a couple of buttons and it's done.

Methinks you are entitled to several weeks of cossetting and TLC.

Do you know what - what goes on tour, stays on tour. Or it bloody well should.
That's the bottom line.
Harmless fun it may be, but don't bring it home to your pregant missus.
Keep it in ibiza.
And while you're at at Mr, keep the shitty, ugly sarong you bought me back too
(sorry, unnecessery, but hey!)

I rang a moment ago to check if his mum is coming to diiner or not tonight and i said 'oh by the way, how's your back'. (I couldn't help myself!).
He said 'My back??????.... Oh, ha haaaaaa, my back, oh right, yeah it's fine, ha haaaa'.

Stupid git! {grin]

Well hope he enjoyed his last ever so called 'boy's' holiday. Looks like he did.

I'll be sayong to him tonight that when I had my girls NYE in Brighron, he didn't see any pics of me with men draped over me did he'.

Cos what goes on tour, stays on tour,
Them's the rules.

TC - Great rule!

He should at least have not taken the pictures, even tho obviously this is the stuff that happens in Ibiza. Its very inconsiderate to take the pics and then leave the camera around for your lovely pregnant thomcat to see. makes me

Gosh,how insensitive and hurtful.
Extremely crass behaviour.
Only Ann Widdecombe possibly could believe that a holiday in Ibize would involve meditation and evening strools but as you say,capturing the evidence for posterity is just so oafish.

I wouldn't be happy at all.
(More at his thoughtlessness than the actual content tbh.)

I like strools lol

after long consideration and based on the premise what goes on on tour tour stays on tour (and nothing gets brought back) I would delete teh pictures, and say no more
if i wanted more info I would keep them on teh phone and tehn interrogate

TC - sorry you're upset and angry and I can fully understand why but I have to say I'm not too sure about the rule.

I think I personally would feel happier knowing that dh could come home and leave his camera, phone, whatever, hanging around and quite obviously have nothing (in his opinion )to feel guilty about, than having him furtively deleting photos so as not to upset me. I would be more mad finding him deleting things, as that would definitely lead me straight to thinking that there was something to hide.

Doesn't mean you still shouldn't be mad, and you should definitely make that more than clear to him, but just trying to put some prospective on it.

It is obvious from your posts that d adores you, and even if his choice in sarongs is decidedll dodgy, you adore him too

That would be decidedly

I think I would feel hurt too. Don't know if a full-on shouting match would make me feel any better. With DH the calm, rational "you know you're in the wrong" works much better because he expects me to explode if I am really annoyed.

Exactly. It's his stupidity, his lack of respect, that makes me cross. I'm pregant and don't want to see topless women (4 shots of same one) in the sea. I don't want to see pics of him with arms round a girl, or one of one bending over him while he's on floor and then her walking on his back (with her shoes on). Gross.

i'm not stupid, I've been to Ibiza, I know what it's like.

Oh and also he was badly behaved in Ibiza before, a long time ago but he bught that home too by emailing some girl he met when he got home.

So, even more reaon for me to be peed off and have a huge thing about him and Ibiza.

Never agin. So more fool him.

I however will be booking a holiday after this bubs is born, and I won't tell him till after I get the tickets, like he did to me!

Well I knew he wanted to go, he'd mentioned it to me as I was being scanned! i had just had a nuchal and the we were waiting for the professor to come in, and I ended of having a CVS. In between he managed to meantion that the boys were all going to Ibiza and he wanted to go!
Men are so bloody thick and so, so selfish sometimes
I obviously told him in words to the effect - 'shut up, don't go there now, and let's she what happens with this baby etc first aye'.

When everything was ok he bought his ticket, without saying anythiing more to me. Came homw=e with them and when I said 'oh so when are you going?' He said 'this weekend'.

I wasn't what you would call over the moon about all this, the way he'd handled all of it. but I just cracked on.

And now he does this.

What a silly, silly, selfish, foolish, little boy.

He's spoilt it for himself.

Ohhhh, I'm ^so6 cross. About the whole of the Ibiza thing, all of it, and this is the icing on the cake.

sorry I didn't realise there was past history - have a sit down chat about it all tell him how you feel.

I think you have every right to be p*ssed off at him, big time. Not because of any suspicions of any bigscale wrongfulness, just because he was stupid enough to bring this home with him. I would be well mad. And would try and make him feel like a stupid little boy, because this sounds like real dick-led behaviour. No different from crappy FHM type magazines on the one hand, but they are embarassing enough and this shows a commitment to DIY soft porn that is bound to make you feel horrible.

I see you point MandM re what goes on tour stays on tour. And the fact he left it there for me to see shows it was most likely innocent stupidity. But I still wish I hadn't seen about 7 of those pics. i think it's disrespectful. I wish the moments caught on camera hadn't been caught at all but I certainly dodn't want to see them. But then agian, like you say, at least i know and he wasn't trying to hide 'innocent' stuff from me.
Not sure which is best tbh. I think that it's probably just best he never goes to Ibiza alone again.

TC, now you've explained his past experiences with Ibiza, well, whole different ball game.
I'd sit him down and calmly tell him that this sort of behaviour has to stop as it's disrespectful to you and your family...thats the last weekend away for him! You need to keep as calm as possible for your and babies sakes, but make sure he knows how upset you are.

This camera was left out on the kitchen table, anyone would have looked at the photos it contained.

I think you need to have a talk with him about this, perhaps not totally ott confrontational (some men just switch off if woman starts ranting) but more in the way of cold, calm and collected. He needs to listen to you without interruption as you need to listen to hin again without interruption.

I would go through all the photos on this camera and get him to explain. Let him dig his own hole!.

Effectively communicating is the way forward here.