Is 6.30am a good time for a DP to come home from a drinking session?? Would you go nuts?

[3hourssleep]

Hello All,

I am a regular(ish) even though Ive namechanged for this.

Dp has always liked a drink, but since DD has been born, we both have calmed down a lot. Hes started to go out more regularly lately, and has been on a couple of long drinking sessions in the last month. Meanwhile Im stuck at home with a 18 month old, and two wild dogs, who also need a lot of attention. He also gives me the same opportunities to go out but I only like going out now and again.

So last night, he heads out for a works do at 5.30pm, while I have a friend over. He texts to say he will be home around 11pm, then nothing. He finally waltzes in the house 6.30 ish in the morning. When I question him where exactly he was, it turns out he was at a party with a few boys he knows, but doesnt socialise with much. One of whom has serious charges of domestic violence against him, and the others are heavily into drugs. I explain that I am mightly pissed off, that I was up half the night worrying about him, and now once again have to shoulder the responsibility of looking after the dogs and DD all day, after we had planned a family day, while he sleeps it off. Immediately he went on the defensive, explaining he never goes to parties, hasnt done this before, was waiting to see if he could have a lift home with someone, blah blah blah.

I realise this is trivial compared to some of the problems I see on this board. But am livid that he doesnt show the respect to come home in the night when he has a family, to once again make me do all the hard work, while hes out enjoying, and then to make me feel as though Im over reacting.

Has anyone else been in this sort of situation? And how did you deal with it? DP has done a lot of bullshit things before but this is the first since we've had the baby. The last time we had an argument like this, is when I dared to suggest maybe having 2 dogs was a bit much to handle when I was 4 months pregnant and in and out of hospital. That time I ended up leaving for a few days, as he got verbally aggressive and was throwing things around and I had to leave the house at 2am with him crying all over the dogs while shouting at me.

Any advice or words of wisdom? Am on the verge of deciding to boot him up his mothers to live, or am I over reacting?

I would guess he was doing more rhan drinking alcohol. Drugs too I expect.

Personally I wouldn't let him sleep.

It sounds as though he manipulated you into getting the dogs which sound too much if untrained and toddler. You were maybe just not assertive enough on the "we are not getting dogs" front though.
My husband has never come home at 6.30 after drinking, if he was going to be that late he'd tell me at a reasonable hour and would stay away until 9am or so when I'd be up and about.
Your current bloke sounds selfish. Not sure what you're getting out of the relationship. I'd send him and dogs packing, but then I can't be bothered with dogs.

Dogs were here a few years before we had the baby, so both DP and I are attached to them, they are hardwork though. Am currently thinking of rehoming one of them, as he is just too energetic and I dont feel hes getting the best he deserves. Before I had my baby I poured all my maternal feelings into the dogs, and was the main carer for them. Ive reasoned with DP if we had one dog it would be far easier, mostly with the issue of taking them for walks. Once I find a lovely home, I think the male will have to go, as the bitch is very calm and more suited to our family as it is now.

DP is now up his mothers, as I need to take a while to think things through. Ive been finding empty lager cans scattered in unusual places, so if he does come back he needs to sort out his drinking. TBH we havent had a good chat about what happened yet, as I need to think through a lot of issues in the relationship.

To those, who think its fine to come in at 6.30am, yes I do understand, Im not a dragon who expects him in dead on 11 ish or whatever like some sort of child, but I do expect to be informed that it will be a very late one, and agreed in advance. I would have been happy with that, when you have planned a rare family day, to have it pissed on I dont feel is acceptable.

Many thanks for all your views, I really appreciate them.

Believe me, I know how hard it is to revise your view of your relationship. I know how important all the little routines, jokes and 'togethernesses' are. I know that, when your babies love their dad, you feel you ought to keep your family together.

Everything you've said about your partner makes him look like the biggest imaginable drain on a woman's resources I'm sure he has plenty of good points, but what you're describing could not be worth putting up with under any circumstances.

Possibly, he's succeeded in making you think you're over-demanding, or a nag, or needy or something. Listen. He's a shit. He's a parasite. He is a nasty person.

There are a lot of mumsnetters who scream "Dump him!" at every opportunity. I'm not one of them. I have a good track record in helping to repair marriages. But I don't like to see selfish little bastards using their partners and short-changing their children.

He's poison. Get rid.

Your right 3hourssleep, he should have informed you, he was a complete shit. No question.

It sounds like his drinking is more of a problem than just staying out for one night in the last 18 months.

It sounds like your dealing with it well. Good luck with it all. Lets hope this is a wake up call to him.

Wrong thread!

I'm so sorry, I mixed this up with a similar-ish post elsewhere.

bless ya, grace

Troll.

??

it becoming clear that he has a drink problem.

if i were you i would be discussing this with him rather than individual displays of misbehaviour.