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Original poster

men and 'looking for sex' website

47 replies

jellybean86 · 15/01/2010 15:07

im 34 weeks pregnant and my ex ended things a few weeks back.
anyway weve been trying to sort things out, and i spent the last 2 nights at his place. i was on his laptop this morning and couldnt help looking at his history.

he has registered on a website that ou join when you want me to meet people for sex! and there was a hige list of peoples profiles he has look at, and they were pure flilth. i asked him why he was on there and he openly admitted to looking for sex! also there was a long list of porn sites he has been looking at.

like OMG! IM SO FURIOUS! i rang im straight away as i was so mad and all he has to say was that i was blowing it out of proportion and that 'we werent together' and that he could do what he wanted.

but seriously if i was the one he wanted why the hell would he register on the site?!?

i know he hasnt met anyone but its the intention of it and the fact while he was looking at it he was on the phone to me whilst saying how im the only women he wanted ever. he says he hasnt messaged anyone but this is only becos to do it he has to pay!!

i hate knowing he watches porn, but i deal with that, but its the fact he has signed knowing it was a site that you meet people for sex!

so i went out his profile changed it saying that he wanted to meet hairy men who were up for anal sex, bondage and spanking.
hope he gets lots of interest now. haha

i know we aint together....but i was i about to tell him 2night i wanted us to give it a proper go again.

AIBU? im very mad, although quite calm suprising. guess i knew deep down he wudnt change

OP posts:
SqueezyIsStartinAResolution · 15/01/2010 15:38

YABU. You weren't together. You have no right to have expectations when there is no relationship. And, you are unreasonable to now go on and change his details on the website. If I was him, I'd be furious with you.

LaurieFairyCake · 15/01/2010 15:41

Oh poor you

you're very pregnant and its really sad that you were thinking of getting back together

At least you know that he wasn't so you can move on.

{{{{{hugs}}}}} and good luck with the birth

ShinyAndNew · 15/01/2010 15:41

What Squeezy said. It is not your business. What did is very childish, stalkerish and frankly bizzare.

upahill · 15/01/2010 15:45

Sorry but you both sound mad as a hat full of otters!

MuthaHubbard · 15/01/2010 15:56

None of your business, you aren't together. agree with Squeezy

EcoMouse · 15/01/2010 15:56

Jellybean, if you both wanted to work on your relationship, your expectations of each other needed to be discussed and agreed.

There's still time for this if you are both unsure it should be over.

He hasn't actually done anything 'wrong' but I can understand why you are so upset. A relationship ending during pregnancy can be very distressing and difficult.

Malificence · 15/01/2010 16:02

Squeezy, you'd be furious at her?
She's about to give birth to his CHILD!

At least you found out what a skank he is before he cheats on you when you have a tiny baby to take care of ( if you gave him another chance).

You sound well rid of him - hopefully he'll be a better father than he is partner, he sounds totally immature.

Original poster
jellybean86 · 15/01/2010 16:10

thanks malificence nice to know someone understands.

if the other posters knew the reasons behind the split and things id found out afterwards then maybe they wouldnt be so judgemental on me.

OP posts:
SqueezyIsStartinAResolution · 15/01/2010 16:13

Mal - they were not together as a couple, being pregnant does not legitamise this behaviour. There was no relationship so it is none of her business what he does in the privacy of his own life. He has every right to be furious, she has invaded his privacy.

I do agree though that OP is well shot of him.

SixtyFootDoll · 15/01/2010 16:13

jb maybe you should give the reasons?
People can only give an opinion on what you have told them.
We're not mind readers!

upahill · 15/01/2010 16:23

I agree with sixtyfootdoll......
do you really want someone back who advertises for sex.

It's one thing if he meets someone that he fancies when you are not a couple but it really is minging to advertise to have sex with anyone that would.

I don't think you should have messed with his profile as it is making you look very revengeful --Iknow, I know I would be to but you lose a bit of dignity instead of being able to hold your head high you are now caught up plaing games!

SolidGoldBrass · 15/01/2010 16:26

He's not your partner. He is entitled to have sex with as many other people as he wants. YOu are not entitled to a couple-relationship with him.
If you want there to be any chance of building a decent co-parent relationship with this man, accept once and for all that his sexual behaviour is nothing to do with you and apologise for messing about with his private emails.

Malificence · 15/01/2010 16:28

It was a good thing that she "invaded" his privacy, how else would she have found out what he was up to. The man's not fit to be a father.

They do have a relationship, whether he likes it or not. He has responsibilities.

Perfectly reasonable behaviour from a woman protecting herself and her child I'd say.

annatw9 · 15/01/2010 16:32

goodness i have to say im really surprised at a lot of these opinions - the relationship only ended a few weeks ago, jellybean did nothing wrong in my view, in looking at his history, its an open book, and look what she found! i think its pretty shameful actually that he has felt the need to search for sex so quickly , and yes, the fact that she is heavily pregnant with his child DOES make a difference - he should be focussing on her and the impending birth, not looking for sex with strangers! honestly.

ItsGraceAgain · 15/01/2010 16:32

I really wouldn't want to start a relationship with a bloke that advertised on those sites, no matter how single he was when he did it!

Jelly, I quite understand how disappointed you are to find out he IS one of those blokes, just when you were thinking of giving him another chance! It's no doubt a good thing you found it sooner rather than later - but I bet it doesn't feel like a good thing right now. Hugs {mn}

You shouldn't have messed with his profile. But it is funny

SolidGoldBrass · 15/01/2010 16:32

Malificence, they don;t have a couple relationship. He has dumped her, so he is entitled to have as much sex as he wants, with whoever he wants. His responsiblities to his child will not have anything to do with how many sexual partners he has, which are his business, not the OP's.
What does she think she;s protecting herself and her child from? SHe;s not shagging him so no need to fear STDs, and she has NO RIGHT to snoop behind his back because he is NOT HER PARTNER.

DuelingFanjo · 15/01/2010 16:33

consider it a lucky escape.

LoveBeingAMummy · 15/01/2010 16:35

You're not together so he can do what he likes. Now you knw this you can make a disicion about whether you still whant to get back together of not.

Kiwinyc · 15/01/2010 16:43

I think you're both in the wrong. Knowing what you know now might help you decide to move on though don't you think?

Original poster
jellybean86 · 15/01/2010 16:44

Yes we were offically 'together' but as good as. We had sex only 2 nights ago. and were doing all the couply things to try and make amends.
Ive had him led next to me crying that he wants us to work so badly, that i was the only women he wanted and that he was going to prove to me that i could trust him again. and had him tell me he is scared i will go off and sleep with other ppl and find someone else.

We have had issues in the past with another women, but ive forgiven, althought not forgot. Just before the split id received calls from another girl, telling me i should ask what he has been up to. Amongst other things which i cannot be bothered to go into.

So my trust was at an all time low anyway and i thought he was trying to prove i could trust him again. Funny way of showing it. Bit of a kick in the teeth.

OP posts:
Original poster
jellybean86 · 15/01/2010 16:45

sorry for typos - "we werent"

OP posts:
EcoMouse · 15/01/2010 16:46

SGB, I took it that they were shagging when she said she'd stayed at his a couple of nights running?

(If you did JB, pop to your local GUM clinic for a check up asap)

EcoMouse · 15/01/2010 16:47

Sorry, xposted

ItsGraceAgain · 15/01/2010 16:48

Essential advice, Eco Mouse, especially when pg. Well remembered!

SolidGoldBrass · 15/01/2010 16:49

OK, so he is a knobber then - someone who claims to want monogamy but doesn't. The only way to get through it OP is to give up right now on any ideas of getting back together with him in a couple-relationship - whatever he says, he's not monogamous and never will be. Concentrate on yourself, your baby, and on getting support from friends/family, but don't bother with snooping or trying to catch him out, just leave him to his own sex life.

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