men and 'looking for sex' website

[jellybean86]

im 34 weeks pregnant and my ex ended things a few weeks back.
anyway weve been trying to sort things out, and i spent the last 2 nights at his place. i was on his laptop this morning and couldnt help looking at his history.

he has registered on a website that ou join when you want me to meet people for sex! and there was a hige list of peoples profiles he has look at, and they were pure flilth. i asked him why he was on there and he openly admitted to looking for sex! also there was a long list of porn sites he has been looking at.

like OMG! IM SO FURIOUS! i rang im straight away as i was so mad and all he has to say was that i was blowing it out of proportion and that 'we werent together' and that he could do what he wanted.

but seriously if i was the one he wanted why the hell would he register on the site?!?

i know he hasnt met anyone but its the intention of it and the fact while he was looking at it he was on the phone to me whilst saying how im the only women he wanted ever. he says he hasnt messaged anyone but this is only becos to do it he has to pay!!

i hate knowing he watches porn, but i deal with that, but its the fact he has signed knowing it was a site that you meet people for sex!

so i went out his profile changed it saying that he wanted to meet hairy men who were up for anal sex, bondage and spanking.
hope he gets lots of interest now. haha

i know we aint together....but i was i about to tell him 2night i wanted us to give it a proper go again.

AIBU? im very mad, although quite calm suprising. guess i knew deep down he wudnt change

This is the trouble when we are drip fed information.
You start of saying he is an ex and ended a few weeks ago. We have to wait to post 20 odd that you were as good as together. We can only comment about what you tell us and it seems (like a lot of other OP do) goal posts become flexible.

Either tell us everything to begin with and give us all the facts if you want straight advice or don't bother. Simple

I agree with SGB. It may seem harsh but it's very true. Actions speak louder than words JB, at all times.

Grace, unfortunately I don't think I'll ever forget that one.

Walk away JB, walk, walk, walk.

If he can lie to you like this, then there is no way you will be able to trust him so no point in beating yourself up for years hoping he is being faithful.

Taking him back after deceit only reinforces that he can pull the wool over your eyes.

I hope you have other support in your life, good friends and family because they are the ones you should lean on.

Consider this a lucky escape.

There are thousands of married/partnered/almost partnered men on these sites. Sometimes I think that the way a woman might reach for (sorry, stereotype coming up) a box of chocolates or a chat with a good friend, a man reaches for the shag site (often not going through with it simply because real, "up for it" women are in the minority on those sites so it takes a lot of messaging to get a real one), at least it wasn't an eharmony type of site where he'd be lying to others as to what he was about.

Horrible for you to find, especially when pregnant, I'm not surprised rage got to the better of you and you changed his profile. I think people are being unduly hard on you given the circumstances, though of course it was not a good thing to do (mostly for the poor, hairy men who will waste their time mailing him )

If you think he has played around, best to get a test, an STD caught during pregnancy is dangerous.

Good for you for messing up his profile, that's so funny! (I'm hoping he'll be sent all manner of big hairy bum pics now!) Serves the grotty little man right. Stuff dignity, it's a harmless bit of revenge which will make you smile everytime you remember what a lying rat he was.

I hope you and your baby are happy and that you eventually find someone more trustworthy. (NOT on a sex website!)

Sorry Jellybean I too meant to add that I wish you and the baby well. Hope you're ok and I do undeerstand it is a horrible spell you are going through.
There are nice men out there!!!

You are well rid of him. Dirty horror.

Well done for changing his profile - that is hilarious!

Oh you poor thing. The man's clearly a bona fide knobjockey.

You have every right to be livid, especialy as he was trying to make amends, apparently.

None of your business.

You split a while ago and you had no business snooping on his PC.

BBM she was staying in his house, they'd had sex, he was telling her she was the one etc and asking for her to be faithful to him... and she found the sex website in his recent history, so he was there looking for potential sex partners around the same time. That's not on imo. You can understand why she's angry.

I agree with Dittany

Lying, cheating people are highly unlikely to tell the truth when challenged

Sometimes the only way to get it is to snoop

I don't take kindly to being made a fool of, and I would look for evidence if I had any doubts about anyone

Thing is, the initial post gave the impression of a woman refusing to accept that the man just didn't want to be in a relationship with her any more - she said he had left her and they were 'sorting things out' which I at least interpreted as trying to negotiate a co-parent relationship for the future. It was only further on down the thread that it all starts coming out about how he had asked her to try again etc.
Because people don't have a right to a monogamous relationship with someone who clearly states that they don't want a relationship at all, and snooping in those circumstances is bunny-boiler behaviour - quite different from snooping on a partner who has promised monogamy.

SolidBrass.... I agree with you and I answered initaily with the knowledge I had from the first post. It was only later the 'yeah but' came in.
I mentioned that point about being drip- fed disclosures and how bloody annoying is.
I really wish OP wouldn't do this because once they put something else into the pot it can change the original piece of advice that had given Admitedly in this case my original comment wasn't very helpful!

I understood the implication right from the very first post. It's a pity people read only what they see.

I would have no qualms about following my instincts and if that meant snooping, so be it, my mental health and well being would be my priority.
Most women are suspicious with good reason, you only have to read any one of the hundreds of posts by women being driven half mad by lying partners, they begin to doubt themselves and their ability to spot deception.

It was obvious to anyone with half a brain what the OP meant in her first post, she was wanting to make the relationship work, he was professing his undying love and then she found his "intentions" were at odds with his skanky sex site trawling. Simples.

However, there are a lot of people (again, it's not gender specific) who have this odd sense of entitlement to a relationship to the extent that they refuse to hear what the other person is saying - like 'I don't want to be in a relationship with you. I don't want to be monogamous.' ignoring these assertions, insisting on staying in the relationship and then complaining when the partner does what s/he said s/he was going to do in the first place.
There do seem to have been a few posts lately from people who have spent years pursuing a partner who wasn't that interested in the first place, complaining that the partner is resentful/unfaithful when the partner is probably just desperate to escape and not being listened to.