i dont want it to be the end of us but i think it has to be.

[Booyhoo]

i was going to namechange for this but the backstory would probably out me anyway as quite a few of you know it.

ok. OH left on sunday for his work. (we live in N.I he works in england) he doesnt know yet how long he will be away for, might be a few days might be a few weeks. so anyway, tidying the bedroom today and opened his bedside drawer and there are some condoms missing. we havent had sex in about 3 weeks due to health reasons and i know how many were there the day before he left because i was putting things in there for him.

what the hell do i do about this. i havent told him i know this yet. he will phone tonight and i have no idea what to say. i cant have this argument over the phone. i need him here to talk about this.

i know there can only be one reason why he would take condoms with him.

i dont want to end what we have but i will not be walked over if he is cheating on me.

i really dont know how to deal with this.

wicked he's a real whizz with computers, its part of his job. surely he could trace it back to this IP address?

I hope you get a good night's sleep and the 'treasure hunt' yields results!

I can't see how, not if it's done through the email provider. He would have to ask them and I can't see that they would tell him which IP address had reset the password, even if they had recorded it.

I think if you unplug the computer from the wall it resets the ip address, not that I know much about these things!!! Im sure its nothing to worry about though, mind you, men are dumb sometimes. Maybe you used them but just cant remember!!

And it depends whether you have a static or roaming IP address. That is all down to your internet provider. I'm with AOL and mine is roaming and changes every time I log on. Some stay the same always.

Maybe you could log on from the local library or from a friends house, or one of us could do it for you if you're worried. Or you could go through a proxy IP site. Tis easy to hide yourself if you know how!

Bloody hell!! i wouldnt have a clue, I dont think it would come to that though, I cant see a bloke investigating it further, I wouldnt worry. I hope nothing more will come of it, I feel positive about this one (for a change!!)

Can I suggest you also think about his mobile phone behaviour.

It may not be blatently obvious but does he keep it with him or in his pocket all the time? Have it on silent? Would you have easy access to it - when he is next home? Or is he very open with it - leaving it lying around when he is not present etc (if it is the latter thats a good sign).

How much do you know already about how he uses his mobile? Does he delete all text messages after they are sent and received so his in and out boxes are permanently empty? or do you not know?

MY OH has previous and OMG I was so blummin daft and blind - now looking back!! But he used have his phone on silent nearly all the time. He rarely left it just lying around the house. His in and out boxes were always empty where everything was always deleted. Once I became suspicious - I noticed that he went as far to sleep with his mobile under his pillow !! I cannot believe I had NEVER noticed this before!! Mobile phone behaviour is nearly always the give way of an unfaithful partner these days.

If you keep stum until he is next home - you could maybe check his phone? Assuming you dont reguarly have easy open access to it to know there is nothing on it already.

If you do get as far as looking at his mobile - check out the contacts thoroughly (perhaps maybe copy them and their numbers down). If he is upto no good - I would not assume that his OW will not be listed under her name - most probably under Steve or some random male friend.

I dont mean to jump the gun here - just trying to offer some suggestions that may help you shed some light on the situation.

I really hope you find the missing condoms tomorrow and all this is not neccessary.

If you had no reason to doubt him you would assume you had miscounted or the kids had taken them. The fact that you assume he has taken them to cheat is the bigger issue here - you don't trust him and you need to deal with that.

I don't think I've got anything useful to add here, I just kind of wonder whether the discussion about "what will happen if Booyhoo can never have sex again" was taken, by him, to be effective permission to go get some elsewhere - with immediate effect! Clearly the conversation didn't mean anything of the sort from the OP's point of view, so he would be stretching it beyond the bounds of reason, but he wouldn't be the first person to hear "la la la exactly-what-he-wants-you-to-say la la la" when the point you were making was something quite different. So I envisage the scenario where you say "Look, there were some condoms missing, what's that all about?" and he stares at you in surprise and says "But I TOLD you I would get it elsewhere", and genuinely appears not to know why you've got a problem with it.

Exactly where that leaves you, and how to handle it, I have no idea (a swift bonk on the noggin with a frying pan springs to mind, but I wouldn't recommend it)... which is why I'm not being helpful at all. Sorry.

Could he have done this to scare you?

It must have been a pretty soul destroying thing to hear you say that you would be "happy" never to have sex again.

Perhaps it upset him deeply - ok what he said wasn't very helpful or nice but perhaps he was just lashing out?

It doesn't sound like communication is a strong point in your marriage tbh.

ok, ds and i have had a really good look and there is no sign of them anywhere. i also had a look through OH's jackets and trouser pockets but nothing in them.

i counted again and there are definitely 4 missing.

i'm going to wait til he comes home and ask him if he knows where they are. his reaction will tell me if he's lying or not.

Did you flippantly tell him you wouldnt be bothered if you never had sex again? it could be a wounded ego.

With regard to mobile phones, In my experience, men that fool around have a simple security lock with they have to put in every time they do anything with the phone, ive tried breaking it before and its impossible in a short length of time. Also,the really devious ones have a pay as you go phone hidden somewhere.

I still dont think you have anything to worry abouth though.

i said it meaning, the pain i was having was quite sufficient that i wouldn't be bothered if i never had sex again if it meant the same pain. it wasn't anything to do with him or his 'technique'. he knew this.