Do you love your DH/DP but not their gross personal habits?

[RedLeaves]

I am wondering whether or not to have another attempt at asking my dh to refrain from various gross personal habits (GPH) and I thought I would garner some opinions first from other women.

My main problem is that I find it slowly but surely kills off my ability to fancy him and I do think that after 12 years you have to do what you can to keep the attraction alive, not kill it off!

So, for instance, I would really rather he didn't fart 20 times a day, pick his nose, leave the loo door open when he poos, clear his throat loudly to get the phlegm up etc.

He has stopped a couple of things which I mentioned in the past but his argument was that in his own home he wants to be able to relax and do what he wants.

Which is fine but how relaxed will he be when I finally stick an axe through his head because it makes me so annoyed and disgusted?

I think it is the farting which makes me most annoyed. Doing it before sex has been known (only twice mind). Doing it in the small kitchen so that you go in to do something and a disgusting smell envelops you is not on I reckon.

Please tell me what you think and what works in your relationship. I must say I am most interested in those relationships where you do love the man but not his GPH.

GPH's kill it for me too.

I think my orifices deserve the utmost respect. Nasal, aural ...etc

Besides, as a child I was always told to pass wind in the bathroom. (Generally the room in any home with the most audio resonance, even capable of producing echoes at some altitudes. Thanks mum.)

Thanks EcoMouse. Are you in a relationship and what are the "rules" in your house?

Redleaves ? those are not just annoying habits mate; they are foul beyond belief!

We have informal and unofficial rules in our house, which include respecting the fact that even though it is your home and you like to chill out and relax, it?s also everyone else?s home. I take issue with any bloke who is willing to throw out every last ounce of dignity by leaving the toilet door open when he?s sat on it, or otherwise behaving in a way he?d never have done when he first met you.

Forget attempting to ?ask him? not to be utterly disgusting ? tell him in no uncertain terms he is about as appealing as dog shite on toast when he does that.

Yup me too - he thinks I am abnormal for closing the toilet door, and I can't stand the farting (but have assumed this was just normal male behaviour?). But you are totally right, it is very unsexy and perhaps I too should be having words.

I also hate the toenails in the sink!!!

Red, currently no so maybe not qualified!

In the past I have had issue with this subject. As mentioned, I was bought up to believe that certain personal habits should be carried out in private (i.e. passing wind)or at least in a manner which wouldn't cause others offence (i.e. quiet throat clearing rather than hacking, chugging cough).

I was expected to behave with these manners at home, to show consideration towards my family. Hence, your DH's concept of it being his own home, therefore he can do what he wants, is alien to me. I would struggle to feel he is being respectful of your right and wish of what you would prefer to experience (or not!) within your^ own home!

I've been made to feel that I'm overly uptight about GPH's in the past but only by partners who were brought up with differing standards of expectations. Nevertheless, I can find my own perspective irksome when it does cause me to find an otherwise ideal partner unnattractive!

In future, I'd avoid anyone displaying PH's I found too G to contend with on a daily basis - 'though, thankfully the list is not quite as extensive as it once was ...but I think my views are too ingrained for me to fully alleviate my own distaste of certain GPH's. They can also be part and parcel of the rot that sets in, in LT relationships.

Has your DH always GPH'd away in front of you? The thing is, you can't control his behaviour and if he refuses point blank to change I don't suppose there is much you can do ...aside from develop a few of your own irritants to meet his, maybe?

I wasn't bought, I was brought, honest

redleaves have to be honest I am there with you. If your DD behaves like this all the time then it can be a real put off you continuing to fancy him let alone get in to bed and get up and close and intimate. Would go out for drink away from the home tell him U care this much to want to sort this out and does he respect you enough to understand where you are coming from. Ask him to try not to fart, try pick his nose privately or so you cant see him doing it. Would he leave the toilet door open at his friends house or mums to do a poo. Try to say if the shoes was on the other foot ....example. Tell him just coz u have been together for this long doesnt mean you have to let your manners go and ladies have standards. Good luck.

Thank you so much for the moral support everyone, it does help. I forgot to mention that I think it's because he doesn't mind various things from others that he thinks I won't mind either. But I do!

Any other opinions from others still most welcome.

I just couldn't imagine being with a man who had such disgusting habits. Did he start behaving like this after you'd moved in together, or has he always been like it?

I heard DH break wind once, years ago, when he was passed out drunk after a house-warming party, but it wasn't smelly. Neither of us would dream of going to the loo with the door open, or anything like that... though we do sometimes burp in front of each other when we really can't help it, but we always say excuse me.

I'm in no position to complain, my habits are equally as bad as my DH. Obviously I was dragged up

What about nose blowing straight into sink prior to wash and shave each morning - stomach churning, its disgusting

I couldn't live with a man like this. DP's bad habits are leaving cupboard doors open and not putting the butter back in the fridge - pretty mild compared to this lot.

He would never dream of going to the loo for a crap with the door open. He also wouldn't freely fart in front of me - obviously the occcasional one slips out but he always apologises. he would not leave toenails in the sink (a) because he knows I would go crazy and (b) he has some basic respect, and is not an animal.

Blowing nose into teh sink - I would leave. Urgh.

LOL bff, my late dad use to do that, it really was gross! Thankfully my dh doesn't do it.

OP, I think you should have a chat with your dh and agree some basic etiquette.

LMAO

so what about letting one rip under the duvet, then holding your DW's head under the duvet...

is that allowed

Up to DW in question, Aeschylus ...and would denote an extreme lack of imagination wrt finding and creating humour, IMO

It's the kind of thing small children find amusing, isn't it? ...Along with willy, bum and poo jokes.

Apart from his blowing nose in sink (very gross)he has no other 'disgusting' habits other than swearing a lot (but not in front of children). I have repeatedly asked him over the years to not do it in front of me as it is a lack of respect, he also is another one who says' its his home and he should be able to relax, shithead comes to mind

Soon to be exH used to be terrible with GPH, but it got much worse over time. By the end he'd openly pick the contents of his nose and ears and eat them in front of me, while driving etc. No wonder I never wanted to kiss him, it was vile.

This is a highly educated, senior company manager - I can't think he'd have done it in front of his colleagues so why he thought it appropriate to do it in front of me I can't think. If (when!!) I objected I was sneered at. It made me feel sick to my stomach. I could go on, actually, but I won't - it makes me feel ill even typing this out!!

OP, I think you just need a chat about where the boundaries are - anything gross stays in the bathroom with the door firmly shut imo!

Can't really complain too much about my DH but I have found that telling him that I am seduced by and what to shag a man who doesn't fart all the time, picks up his socks, rinses the bath properly, etc and am totally turned off by a bloke who fails to do these things helps enormously.

I tend to joke about it, if he lets rip with a fart or whatever I make a sarky 'how seductive is that' sort of comment.

I do find him much sexier when he isn't being gross and it is win win for both of us as it really does improve our sex life.

He is not a bad offender though having grown up with a mother who is obsessed with hygiene.

I am the farting culprit in our house and had to get a dog recently just so I can try and pretend he is doing it and not me.

DH is happy to go to the loo with the door open, but only in our bathroom, not in the family bathroom or downstairs.

It drives me mad when he picks his toe nails on the sofa and leaves a little pile of debris.

But other than than I think I have a well brought up bloke.

I don't think YABU to hate the GPH your DP is displaying

i also find it really hard to deal with the GPH, which include biting nails until bleeding, coughing phleghmy stuff up and swallowing it (bleugh), spitting into toilet, and hacking cough esp in bed at night, constant snoring in any position! not the greatest turn ons eh?!

My DH and I have a "closed door" policy: all washing and, erm, matters of personal hygiene are conducted solo and under lock and key. Helps to keep a bit of mystery going, methinks.

I woke up this morning to a rather large turd festering in the loo!

My DH had to set off at 4.30am to get to work and decided against flushing in case he woke us. All heart isn't he?

I'm reckoning that's about as gross as it gets?

luckily I have namechanged for a health post

dh

bites his toenails off and leaves them on the side of the bath

snores

farts (a lot)

eats with his mouth open and if not that talks through every mouthful

he is v hairy so leaves hair everywhere - soap, loo seat , sink

DH is another one who leaves his toenails on the side of the bath. He also saunters into my office/study when I'm working, makes some inane comment, farts and walks out again. Jeez, thanks darling, just what I wanted

Gross personal habits are definitely passion killers in the long term. I have explained this to my DP in fairly graphic terms, much as I also explain it to the DSSs and to DD.

The children taunt one another in very jocular fashion - DD tells DSS1 that no girls will fancy him if he doesn't brush his teeth more and that he'll never find a girl to share his bed if his own little sister thinks he smells. Etc. It works quite well as a sort of running joke learning experience.