isthisflirting?

[isthisflirting]

If someone at work who you have spent a lot of time working with says to you it's been a huge pleasure to work with you this week is that just being really nice or very slightly flirty?

thankyou ~I felt so sad last night it was ridiculous but I couldn't shake it.

Hester ~ I find loss really hard and it's a sort of loss isn't it?
Am definitely up for a kind support group.I think the hardest thing about your situation is moving up a gear so you feel more strongly about them,only to find the relationship is over even as a friend ~ really sad ,I really feel for you.

Today I tried to engage my usual self and be friendly with everyone,and I found by the afternoon he came to find me and we did work things together ~ think I've learned my lesson though,keep it light hearted and don't read too much into things.
lol...still slightly sad and ridiculous lol

It is a loss, but a loss I don't think I have any right to feel, which only makes it worse.

Normally if I felt this mopey I would tell DH and he would try and cheer me up or at least rationalise it. But obviously I can't, so I'm snappy and occasionally downright rude, and he has no idea why, which is not good.

So I'm marring my marriage for something that hasn't really happened. And there's a hole where my 'friend' used to be. Aargh!!!

I also recognise a huge streak of self pity, which is never attractive! I need good shaking.

Can I ask ITF, do you feel any guilt for even entertaining thoughts of what might have been?

well you've lost your friend so that is a genuine loss and you found someone you wanted but couldn't have so that is tough.And you are having to exclude your dh as he can't help,so you're all on your own which is horrid.

I have been married for 20 yrs and never been unfaithful but I have to say I don't really believe in marriage very much it hasn't served me particularly well and it seems an artificial state of affairs to expect love and harmony with one person forever.

I don't think I would have contemplated anything more than a kissing relationship at most but it's probably better to settle for an uncomplicated friendship.

Oddly these feelings have come up quite out of the blue most strange ~ and as for the way he sees it he may just be like this with everybody[nice I mean]

I think at work there's an element of cabin fever sometimes and the work I do is quite phyical and close so I think it can happen

Morning ITF.

Maybe it's the 20-year itch I'll have been married that long later this year, and like you have never been unfaithful, nor even considered being.

Which is one of the reasons it's such a shock to the system - a 20 min flare up of passion. As hard as I try, I can't imagine being able to recreate that with DH now after all this time (should I still be using that D?)

And I can't stop thinking about it. I've never thought of shagging, and all that goes with it, so many times in a day. I feel like I imagine a teenage boy does but feel guilty if I turn to DH, cos it's not him I'm imagining.

Can people really 'love the one they're with'

This thread makes me feel quite sad. I'm not having a go, OP, but please be realistic about this. You may be ok with it, he may be ok with, your partner may have a similar work friend which may be innocent or may be like yours. But is your work friends wife/partner going to be ok with it? Is it really worth the pain that you may knowingly or unknowingly inflict on another person, just for you to have a 'kissing relationship'?

No it's not worth the pain, for either of our partners, or children.

Which is why we have ended something that never really started.

Which is why I have lost someone who for more than a year has been my closest friend

Posted too soon!

And I think OP has come to a similar decision.

yes of course

to me there are always two ways of looking at this
1/you can't own people ~ your husband or wife don't belong to you ..and if you are unfaithful you take the responsibility that goes with it
2/it is silly to get carried away with something that might cause distress ~ but that is the spouses responsibility imo not the work affair person.
\i know if my dh did a similar thing it would be he and he alone I would find responsible[and if you can do that then your relationship is not ok anyway]

That is not to say I'm ok with affairs ~ I'm not,just in the name of fairplay...I just don't believe in marriage very much.

what i would also like to say is i'm finding all of these adolescent feelings quite exhausting and very odd...must be my age??!!

Today I could hardly speak I felt so embarassed and self conscious

and hester ~ I can feel your pain

just thought i'd say that after all there doesn't seem to be any flirting going on ~ just complimenting me on my work I guess and being nice.
I've noticed this person is one of those people everyone wants to be around so i think everyone seems to have a little crush on him lol

hester ~ how are things now?Are you feeling any better ~ I hope so.

I have realised there wasn't really any flirting at least only on my side lol and have spent the last week trying to look and act normal!!