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Relationships

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Original poster

When is the "right" age to marry?

45 replies

eatsshootsleaves · 07/01/2010 22:04

I was a young bride and do not regret my decision one bit. When I was engaged, I got mixed reactions from my contemporaries. One memorable one was "shit!" much to my dismay.

For some reason, I get a bit sensitive when someone says xx is too young an age to be married. Why? You can get married with consent at 16 by law.

OP posts:

Original poster

eatsshootsleaves · 07/01/2010 22:06

BTW, I was a 22 year old bride.

OP posts:

ninah · 07/01/2010 22:09

I was 22, lasted til I was 23ish? not the marrying kind. Would certainly not have stuck at it so long if I'd been older

BelleDameSansMerci · 07/01/2010 22:10

Never!

mazzystartled · 07/01/2010 22:10

when you meet the right person

my bf from school married shortly after her 23rd birthday to boyfriend she met at 20. they are still happy together 17 years on.

i married dh when i was 35, after 5 years and a ds together.

SolidGoldBloodyJanuaryUrgh · 07/01/2010 22:14

When you've met someone you really want to marry, who really wants to marry you.
Lots of young marriages come unstuck because one partner matures faster than the other, or one or both were marrying to escape from something or other (horrible home life, not wanting to engage with the world of work) and they later find that they want very different things, but TBH it's not that big a deal - if you get married and it goes horribly wrong, you get a divorce, learn from it and move on.
Of course, the equally problematic one is people who marry in a panic that they are getting 'past it/on the shelf' and choose someone as desperate as they are, with whom they don't have much in common or one or both is a nutjob anyway.

Doha · 07/01/2010 22:15

Met DH at 17 married at 23 with much opposition as still too young. Silver wedding this year

However trying to persuade DD1 aged 23 to wait a few years and see the world before getting married. What a hypocrite

Malificence · 07/01/2010 22:21

I married 4 months before I was 19, DH was 19, this was 1985 however and we wouldn't have married so soon had he not been in the Air force, in those days you couldn't live together if you weren't married.

Our dd is coming up to twenty and split up with her boyfriend of 3 years in the summer ( her choice), she says she would like to be married and have a family before 30, she is at Uni in Teacher training atm.

weegiemum · 07/01/2010 22:25

I met dh at 18 (him 19) and we got married at 24.

That was 15 years ago. Lots of people we know got married at about the same time and I think only 2 couples we are still in touch with have got divorced - obviously a happy lot!

BelleDameSansMerci · 07/01/2010 22:27

SolidGold - that was a great post.

BrahmsThirdRacket · 07/01/2010 22:27

It doesn't matter, you can always get divorced if it doesn't work.

GrimmaTheNome · 07/01/2010 22:36

For one of my great aunts it was 64 - though she did admit she wished it had been a bit sooner.
And for one of her nephews it was 80... better late than never.

22 doesn't sound that young anyway. Time was you'd be at risk of being 'on the shelf' if you left it a lot later!

JaneS · 07/01/2010 22:58

My uncle was married the day after he turned 21 (with much opposition from both sets of parents), they're still together now and married over 35 years! My DP has just turned 23 and we are getting married this year, there have been a few funny looks because of that.

Strange how people seem even more worried about men getting married 'young' than women!

I tend to think getting married before you've lived on your own (including at university, with flatmates) isn't a great idea for most people.

passionfruity · 08/01/2010 08:22

The 'right' age for me and most of my friends was 29 - 32: we first wanted/needed to finish uni, post-grad studies, legal training and buy a flat.

Cheninblanc · 08/01/2010 08:32

26 years, 7 months and 15 days

sunshine2010 · 08/01/2010 08:37

I have been married 6 years and my husband was 19 and I was 20. I think whenever you want to is fine.

bronze · 08/01/2010 08:40

When you meet the right person surely and feel at the right place in your life

I had turned 21 when I got married nearly 8 years ago

MuffinToptheMule · 08/01/2010 08:42

Dp and I got engaged in the summer. We have been together for 3 and a half years. We plan to get married in early 2012. I will be 24 and Dp will be 25 by then. The majority of people are happy for us, only a few are surprised and think we're too young.

CarmenSanDiego · 08/01/2010 08:57

I got married the day after my 21st birthday. Been married 10 years now. I do think I was too young and rushed into it a bit, but we didn't have a lot of choice because of work visas etc.

I've spread my childbearing out a bit though and kept on studying in between babies, but I still feel I have a long way to go and am still not really sure what I want to do.

I don't think there's any 'right' way to do your twenties or thirties. I'm very lucky to have my lovely children. But some of my friends are very lucky to have got themselves sorted careerwise. I do worry when I see so many jobs I am qualified for but they want years of experience that I don't have. I figure it'll all even out one day though, hopefully.

TillyMintSpy · 08/01/2010 09:00

Bronze is right.

I was with someone for a long time before I met DH, but I knew I didn't feel right marrying him.

Anyway, some couples I know who have been together for the longest time have never got married!

lighthouse · 08/01/2010 09:13

I met DH when I was 17 and he was 26, he was in the forces and we dated for 2 years before we got married, I moved to the camp and we stayed there for 2 and a bit years then got out and we moved back to my hometown.

That was 14 years ago and we are still veryu much in love. We have had our ups and downs but have stuck together like glue.

My parents and his all thought it would never last, we have a DD now who is 5 and a half and are blissfully happy.

NonnoMum · 08/01/2010 09:23

If I'd manage to get hitched sooner, I would have been spared an awful lot of awful first dates.
No one would 'ave me until 34, and then I had to settle for a "second-time-arounder" and all the hassle challenges of step-parenting.
Still, had some fun, travelled a bit, bought some property, got on with career...

sayithowitis · 08/01/2010 09:35

I don't think you can put an age to it. i met my DH whilst I was at school, he is a few years older. We married when I was just 21 and are still very happy nearly 30 years later. yes, we have had our ups and downs, but we have worked through them. Also, like someone said earlier, we didn't live together before marrying as it just wasn't 'done' back then. We also had our fair share of people telling us 'it wouldn't last' because we were 'too young'. Funnily enough, those same people can never bring themselves to give us their good wishes on our anniversary each year. ( and no, they don't forget it, they know very well that it is our XX anniversary, but choose not to mention it each year).

I do think it's important to wait until you really have met 'the one'. Some people marry just because they see their friends do it and don't want to be left out, or they have the 'it doesn't matter if it doesn't work out - we can always get divorced' attitude. Divorce does matter, you only have to read on here about the heartache it causes.

lighthouse · 08/01/2010 09:55

Divorce rate is one in 2 now isn't it?

newpup · 08/01/2010 10:06

I married Dh when we were both 23. I know alot of our friends thought we were too young but we had been dating since we were 17 and had lived at opposite ends of the country while at uni. I could not wait to marry him.

We have now been married 12 years and have dd1 and dd2 and I hope we grow old and wrinkly together!

newpup · 08/01/2010 10:08

I should add that 2 sets of those friends who got married at 30 are now separated and divorced!

The right person is the right person no matter what age!

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