I know this is shocking....

[hughug]

I had a termination without telling my husband or ANYBODY else for that matter.

I know he would desperately want me to keep the baby, but i couldn't cope mentally, and that's a fact. So I didn't tell him because i know it would have really hurt him. It wasn't easy, believe me, i just put it at the back of my mind, and try not to think about it, but i know it is horrific. What do you think?

Hughug, the person I posted about has gone on to have a baby (the abortion was first pregnancy). I honestly don't think you have anything to feel guilty about - if you have a wanted pregnancy at some time in the future when your life is much more sorted then that's an entirely different matter. But if you are feeling bad, please do get some help. An abortion doesn't make you a bad person - you were brave enough not to bring an unwanted baby into the world. That deserves respect, not criticism (just as anyone reading this who made the opposite choice also deserves respect - both decisions are brave. We all do the best we can in our own, individual circumstances).

Thank you very much girls. QF,yes, it happened just a few weeks ago.

I really don't want counselling though, i've never tried it, but a friend of mine has, and she told me the counsellor kept looking above her head (my friend's) at the clock on the wall.

I will grieve for this, and eventually time will make me forget, or at least, make me feel less guilty.

This is good counselling for me, i really appreciate your answers, even the non-supportive ones. I needed badly to hear some opinions. Thank you.

hh I have two close friends who had terminations. One when she was 18, and went on years later to have a lovely family of 3 girls. The other I found it hard to emphathise with at all, she had a ds and then got pregnant with twins and decided to terminate. She is now happily pregnant with no 2 (or no 4). Both came to their own decisions, one I happen to agree with the other not, but it's none of my business .. they came to their decisions and the point is that given time they did move on and the grief did get less

Grieving is most natural. It's what you need to do before you can move on.

If you don't think that counselling will help you to move on that's fair enough, but don't base this decision on your friend's experience. There are lots of people here (me included) who have been saved from destructive behaviour or feelings with the help of a good counsellor. If you feel that you are having trouble coping with your feelings, lots of people find that counselling is a good place to start working things through.

I'm seconding morningpaper. Councelling really helped me too. But, and it's a big but, you have to like and trust your counceller (and make sure that they are fully trained and accredited too).

And remember that many pregnancies are not carried through due to miscarriages etc, perhaps this child was just not meant to be? btw I'm not suggesting that having an abortion is like having a miscarriage, as I imagine that there are very different emotions involved (having been lucky enough not to experience either).

I hope that you feel better about this soon. Please don't feel that you are a bad mother, we all do things, and feel things differently. I'm not a great mumsy sort of person, and do sometimes wish that I was, but then I know that there are other things I offer the children, especially as they get older.

Thank you for your words nooka, to tell you the truth, i am quite surprised at the responses on this thread.

It really has made me see things differently, i wish i had posted before that dreadful day.

But overall, i think you ladies have been great, and although you speak you mind,you have been more tolerant and open minded than i was expecting you to.