I'm a mess, don't know what's best :(

[purpleflower]

Me and DP had a really bad patch about 4 months ago, we argued constantly and just never listened to each other. I had PND and was really struggling. He moved out but we have still been together. We were getting on really well and I felt alot better. The last month or so we started to argue again

On the 27th I read a text from a girl saying how she would love to meet up with him at a pub. I asked him to leave. We talked it out and he explained that she is just a friend and I 100% believed him. I wanted to talk to him new years but he said he didnt want to talk. He took DS back to his (his parents) and left DD here in bed. He bought DS back at 11.50 and woke me up but he hardly said a word.

We spoke on new years day and I told him why I wanted to talk the day before, that I loved him and i was sorry for over reacting and that I wanted to see the new year in with him. He said he thought thats what I was going to say which is why he didnt want to talk to me. He said that he still loves me but that we can't be together at the moment, he still wants to be my best friend but he doesn't want a relationship with me but he thinks he will in a couple of months.
I told him that I can't wait around for him, I can't build myself back up on my own for him to then decide I am good enough for him. I also told him that I can't just be his friend because I love him too much.

I promised myself long before we got together that I wouldn't let someone keep walking in and out of my life after my ex spent 2 years picking me up and dropping me when he felt like it.

I'm an absolute mess, I love him so much. I've lost the man I love and my best friend. I have no one

I feel like I'm making the biggest mistake of my life telling him I can't wait for him but I don't want to be even more hurt in a few months.

I'm sorry it probably doesn't make much sense but I just wanted to write it down as I have no one who I can talk to about it

Did he say what he thought would have changed between now and a couple of months?

I think you have done the right thing telling him you can't wait for him to make up his mind.

err, I think he is keeping his options open here

there is an OW, either that text girl or someone else

if it doesn't work out with her, he will come back to you

don't let yourself be used like that

sorry

What AF says.

Sounds like you have to behave yourself and be a good girl in the hope that he might decide at some point to give you a chance

Don't put up with it, take control of your own life and you just might find that don't need or even want him.

I agree, sounds like he is stringing you along.

I honestly don't think there is another woman, I don't think he could do that.

He thinks that because when he moved out we started getting on alot better but the last month he has pretty much been living here again and we have started argueing again. He thinks we need a few months to sort ourselves out and then we will be fine.

he sent me a text earlier, 'I would like you to start down that path, do not turn back, leave the bad things behind, and take the good ones with you. May our paths meet againforming a new, better road to take both of us to happiness, for the rest of our lives. And when we say goodbye,, let that be a see you soon.'

I can't stop crying. DS said to me earlier 'me make daddy come back to mummys house and make mummy happy again' I havent said anything to him about it and DP hasn't lived here properly for 4 months. He's only 3

What a twat. Sorry. You're better off without him.

That text is cringeworthy.

It isn't just him though, it's probably been me picking the arguements the past month

I've been really struggling with christmas etc this year, it's the 10 year anniversary of my mums death at the end of this month and it's hit me worse than other years. I know I've been a moody cow and I did say sorry and explain.

Up until last week he was round almost everyday to see us, the past month though he has stayed a few times and only really goes home to sleep.

does he always use such whimsical, flowery language as that text ?

I would dump him just for that shite, tbh

however, I guess you love him

and no bloke pisses around like this unless there is an OW jerking the strings (or should I say, pulling the penis...)

am really sorry, but you do sound naive and willing to let him trample all over you

get tough, lady

he wants to work it out or he doesn't, that text is utter bollocks and tells you bugger-all

Oh please, I would bet money he is seeing someone else (or wants to) but isn't sure whether it would work and is keeping his options open. NEVER think that someone isn't capable of doing this to you. Of course they are, and treating you badly by picking fights etc is a sure sign that he is trying to distance himself from you and convince himself your relationship is broken so he has an excuse to do what he likes with someone else, guilt-free.

He seems to have a very unrealistic idea of relationships.

What is it with that flowery, sentimental shite when you had recent pnd, a bereavement and a 3 year old to contend

He's not english so he does find it hard to express himself.

I just feel empty

ah, so English not his first language

then I apologize for my scathing put-down of his text

the rest of my observations still stand though

OW, almost certainly.

My X was not the type to do such a thing either ...or so I thought! It wasn't until I actually saw them shagging (vid) that reality kicked in and denial had no choice but to dissipate.

If you can walk away, do so. How dare he insinuate you ought to hold on for him to finish with whatever currently holds his attention? ...OW or no, he is treating you like a disposable item. You are far from it!

I have a 14 month old too.

I don't ring his parents but I was quite close to his mum. We would chat on facebook or the phone when he went home.

omg eco, how the hell did that happen ??

Yes, children, all the more reason to demand more respect for yourself. It is nigh on impossible to the the best mother you can be while dealing with such shite on a parallell.

Unfortunately, men such as this tend to give the existance of youngsters barely a second thought when it comes to messing mothers around.

I found the vid of my X shagging OW the day before I gave birth to our baby.

Callous arses all 'round.

found it where ?

sorry eco, I just can't get my head round that, and why was it video'ed ??

< sorry for hijack, OP >

Wooh! thats horrendous Emouse! How bloddy awful.