Mens Little Habits

[Tigger]

Ok then, lets lighten up the conversation girls and moan about the little things that men do. Like farting on command, completely wrecking their pants, their wind problems etc and their complete incapacity to see dishes that are needing washed.

Now keep it clean and lets have some fun!!!!!

Hmonty, your vivid picture of packing is giving me preview stress. This is going to be us in late July when we head off for France for 14 whole days for the first time with our young son. Two clueless guys to pack for. At least the 2 year old has an excuse. The 38-going-on-2 year old doesn't even know the names of the villages in France where we're going. Yes, I also chose and booked the holiday.
I bet dinner parties are fun at your house Bells. did you ever see the Fast Show sketch where a goofy man returns from shopping not having bought the eggs, bread, milk etc he was sent out for, but useful items such as stirrup pumps, geraniums etc? It just would not have been so convincing if the husband/wife roles had been reversed.
My husband's best friend once went out to get wellies for their farm holiday and came home with an accordion.

Ha ha Marina - that's priceless. On the packing front, my husband once went away for a weekend with a case containing a huge number of musty old books, one (left) shoe and his camera - I kid you not!. He also went off to the depths of Nigeria for 12 days with not a single pair of underpants.... Suffice to say, I now ALWAYS pack for him.

My dh is currently working away from home Monday to Fridays and something that has really bugged me is how on a Saturday or Sunday night he may have helped our son settle to sleep - this has got much better recently (thank you again Dr Ferber) but used to take about 30 mins. Anyhow, dh would stagger downstairs after this process, fall onto the sofa and shake his poor, weary head exclaiming how dreadfully stressful and wearing he found it. As I served his dinner on these occasions I did sometimes find it difficult to keep it all on the plate!!!
On the plus side, he is very good at loading the dishwasher, unloading and hanging out the washing and generally being tidy. As I type this, I can't help wondering what he'd say about me if he had to have a moan - eek!

Could I add the following:
my dh gets positively twitchy if the remote control is not sitting on the arm of 'his' chair when we're all watching the box.(We hide it sometimes just to be rotten!)
He also asks for 'his' chair to be vacated if it's occupied.
He spends hours either completing or compiling crosswords.
He re-arranges the dishwasher when I've already stacked it.
He won't let me pack the groceries in the supermarket, in case I don't do it properly!
He reminds me of the Harry Enfield character who says "You don't want to do it like that"!
Whenever the kids misbehave, he seems to see his role as being even worse, eg yelling at a panicking child "DON'T OVERREACT!!!!!"
I'd better stop - I'm beginning to wonder what I see in him!

love the accordion, marina!

who is driving to the villages he doesn't know the names of?

and, bugsy, i'm sure you are completely perfect, juat like the rest of us!

I left hubbie to pack for himself this weekend as he was going on a stag do...He managed to rememebr his MP3 jukebox and speakers and Java manual (?) but left behind his shaver, toothbrush and deodorant. Ha!

On the packing front, my dh waits until we get to our destination then says 'Did you pack my reading book?' (No, it's your's, so that makes it your responsibility.) 'Alright then, I'll read your spare one' (knowing that I read much faster than him and will need it long before he's finished it).

He also has a complete inability to get home on time for a meal - he always seems to end up losing track of time (how a man with an alarm on his computer plus two on his watch can do this I don't understand).

And how come I manage to feed, bath and put two kids to bed by 7.30 each day, but when I ring home from a business trip he's usually only just managed to get them to sit down for tea by that time?

Well mine (the stay at home dad) does most of the chores... but it works better if I don't ask because then he forgets... so we can have a pile of ironing in the middle of the living room for a whole week... then I will usually pick up the iron... he then runs out and tells me that HE WILL DO IT tonight !
He also does the dishes but always - and I do mean ALWAYS - leaves a glass to be washed or a pot,... the kitchen is never spotless ! And when I do it he doesn't even notice how much better I have done it... but I can't complain he does just about everything + takes wonderful care of our son... it's just fun to be able to share some of my frustrations with all of you !

I had a really good laugh at this board today at work and just got to Bells1's message and my male colleague got up took the paper and went off for a crap! I nearly wet myself. Thanks for a happy afternoon, and I just like to add that mine considers farting an absolute must when we take the dog for a walk, because he once heard a joke where the wife says 'if you must do that, please do it in the garden' - hence 'is this outside enough for you now dear! Oh well, it'd be a lonely if somewhat less smelly life otherwise!

My gripes are:
WHY does he never screw lids on jars properly so when I pick up the marmite it drops on the floor and smashes!
WHY does he put empty cartons of milk/juice back in the fridge?
WHY does he never think that a cup/saucepan etc. might just be dirty on the outside as well as the inside? Please God can I have a dishwasher!
WHY is it when he takes the last yoghurt from the multipack of 8 he leaves the cardboard behind in the fridge?
WHY is there always hair/toenail clippings/shaving stubble around the sink when I have to use it?
To be fair though, we are going on hols very soon and I never have to do any of his packing, he is very organised in that way.

Do they all have a favourite chair? Isn't it scary? The remote control is sacred and mustn't be touched although he can change the channel as many times as he likes during a programme.

Washing machine? I don't think he's ever loaded it!

He did change a lightbulb at the weekend and was threatening to mend a toilet seat (didn't manage it though).

We bought a new barby and he spent 4 hours 30 minutes screwing it together!! - a labour of love me thinks.

star, i hope you don't live just outside andover...!

what a chuckle i've had reading all those messages
one common thread is sitting on the loo for hours!!I cant remember who said about telling "hundreds of people he's going for a crap" Iwould have to have acute diaorrhea before I would I could go to the loo in any other loo than my own.My hubbie quite cheerfully stank out the ground floor loo at a friends house when we had our own en suite loo tucked away upstairs.I dont think I would be able to go in that situation even if I tried!!

Putting empty jars back in the cupboard and somehow I am always the one to find them when the shops are closed.
Spending ages in the loo having made an announcement first as to his whereabouts. His mother calls it the "chain-library".It's obviously been a life-long habit!
Buys the most expensive sweetcorn to throw in the river for fishing bait!!!! And very rarely catches anything.

boo, i couldn't either!
i remember when i worked in a big company that the corridor just outside the gents always smelt awful - used to hold my breath walking past - they didn't seem to care though.
i guess men are just EARTHIER!!!

and binza, you just reminded me - finishing things and not writing them on the board in the kitchen and then complaining when we haven't got any left!

Bang to rights, janh. HE is driving, I am on map-reading and offensive-gestures duty. Java manual at a stag do, Hmonty? He sounds like one wacky husband. And as for spending 12 days in Nigeria with only one pair of pants, Bells...I bet he had a row of seats to himself on the flight home.
This thread has cheered me up and reassured me that I am not marooned in SE London with an alien.

Oh that Bob Dylan and Nail Young had not recorded so many albums - I have a compulsive collector of a dh for whom "Best Ofs" will not do. It wouldn't be so bad if I didn't have to listen to them. But I do. When we go to bed. Apparently he can't sleep unless there is music. I can't sleep if there. But he has the remote!

Some more my dh does:
Turning the tv off without asking me first
Flicking through the channels when the ads are on - I like the ads!!!
Turning the tv up when I'm on the phone
ALWAYS having the remote.

I'll think of some more later on!

Ha ha Marina, that's not the worst of it if you're driving in France with a right hand drive car...wait until you get "Is it safe to overtake?" as he cranes his neck and swerves out into the oncoming traffic to try and see for himself! Seriously though, we've been all round Europe in the car with small children. I'm sure you'll have a great time.
My top tip is to keep empty mineral water bottles, take off the labels to differentiate them and fill them with tap water for hand washing, fruit washing etc.
Also if it's hot, assuming you've got a toddler in nappies, when it comes to dirty nappies, wipe the worst off with a nappy wipe and then just wash toddler under the outdoor tap at a garage, or with a bottle of water. It's quick and gets them much cleaner.

My Dh while being a lovely man and a good dad is completely unable to dress our son in anything that I would let him leave the house in!! Ds is a big 15 months and on saturday morning dh brought him downstairs in 6-9 month t shirt and som 12-18 month dungarees that were up to his knees like knickerbockers.(ds wears 18 to 24)And he commented that the trousers didn't look right!!!! Another day he dressed him a forest green and red striped velour winter jumper and apple green cotton summer dungarees and was very proud of himself because " they're both green"!!!! I have to give precise instructions about what clothes to put him in.He can never find anything and spends 10 mins looking for something when i've told him where it is,yet I see it immediately.He takes ages to get round to doing diy,and he lets ds run wild in shops and do naughty things that I don't allow.Still, I love him to bits though!!!

All of the above and more. we once left our house in Darwin to go to a friends housewarming 10 minutes away.Someone' (not me) forgot the directions and we spent 55 minutes driving around and he absolutely refused point blank to stop and ask for directions. Apparently mens brains are made differently and the book 'why men can't ask for directions and women read maps upside down' makes it all really clear. I remember reading it going ahh so thats why he does this and this and this etc

Alexsmum, now I have to defend your husband here. He went up and did his best with the garments provided. Not his fault that outgrown items were still available to put on.

To avoid scary accidents in our house, I make up outfits and put them on the hangers ready to go.