My best friends husband

[happyland]

y husband and I went round to a friend and her husbands for dinner last night. I made friends with the wife initially and the our husbands became friends.

We all get on really well and even went on holiday last year which was great. Anyway last night he tried to kiss me whilst his wife was putting the children to bed and my husband was in the loo. It came from nowhere, and i was shocked but somehow not surprised. I said no obviously but he did make contact with my lips as he was holding me firm whilst i was saying no.

I am totally shocked and i feel awful and guilty. I obvs can't talk to my h as he is good friends with this guy. This would devastate him. I just feel so awful for his wife, she is lovely and although they have their issues she really loves her husband. She has also told me that he would never be unfaithful to her. I didn't think he would either but now am not so sure!

So should i tell her or my husband or try desperately to forget about it and put it down to too much wine!

I can't understand why you wouldn't tell your husband. It will only lead to more trouble by staying silent.

God, some of you are being absoulte bitches to this woman. I wonder why?

When something shocking like that happens it is a perfectly natural reaction to just freeze and not have a clue what to do. She's not pleased or complicit in this at all.

I well remember the time when I was a student and my landlord came round for something when I was off sick and actually goosed me through my dressing gown. I was horrified but SO FUCKING SHOCKED I did/said nothing and felt really angry with myself afterwards. So I know where she's coming from. And he was wearing lederhosen at the time.

Hopefully the bloke was just pissed and acting out of character. If she spells it out to him and he tries it again then it's a different matter.

She did spell it out to him. He ignored her.

I would not be interested in hanging around with this couple any more. He sounds a bit rapey to me.

@ "And he was wearing lederhosen at the time."

Neither bigbadmummy! Good plan wondering, i think i will tell him but underplay the whole thing. No point making a huge deal out of it but keeps my h in the loop.
Am absolutely not flattered nor thrilled. I was totally shocked tbh. Have been alone with person many times with absolutely no inkling of anything. Not even ever catching him looking or whatever. I feel guilty for not telling my h, for h thinking this person is a good mate, for his rather insecure wife and how it would devastate her and thats it.

time to build on some of the other friendships we have!

I think the hand under the top is sleazy because he's ignoring "No". I do think you shoudl tell your husband but agree to the low-key way.

So you don't really know this couple that well then - a year is nothing in a friendship. I would therefore tell your friend her H made you feel uncomfortable, but reassure her that you won't be telling anyone else (apart from your H) about it). It is then up to her what she does with that information and my instincts tell me that she will distance them both from you, which would suit me fine in the circumstances.

I couldn't keep this from my DH, but I would deal with this myself, as above. I hate it when men get all proprietorial over women who should be perfectly capable of dealing with arses like this themselves. I'd expect my H to be mightily pissed off with the bloke, but I wouldn't tolerate violence or macho posturing. The grown-up thing to do here would be to tell the friend, widen your circle of friends and support your friend if she needs help. You actually don't have to see this man ever again if you choose not to.

I'd tell your DH, maybe the kiss could be thought as a drunken mistake but the hand up the top is going too far.

Exactly Bearcrumble.
I am not sure if i could tell her
, she is really insecure about herself and possibly a bit depressed. Telling her would do nothing but hurt her. How ever in addition to my saying no last night, i will talk to him, and tell him that if that happens again, drunk or not i will tell her. My h wouldn't be violent now - he is not that type, but after plenty of wine last night who knows what would happen.

perhaps she is depressed because she actually knows what he is like

she may have spotted an undercurrent at your get-together and be thinking "oh no, here we go again..."

who knows what goes on in other marriages?

personally I wouldn't tell her, if she turns a blind eye to his wandering hands to "keep him" you will put her in a difficult position

or maybe this kind of shenanigans is "foreplay" for them

seriousy now, I would speak to him privately and tell him in no uncertain terms if there is ever a whiff of a repeat performance with you, or with anyone else, you will tell her

Maybe telling your DH is OK. But for God's sake don't tell his wife. It's not going to make anything better and she'll just feel like shit. If she doesn't already know what he's like then you telling her isn't going to help.

and you will also remove his knackers

I wouldn't want to be on my own with him again, frankly. Creep.

sloppy, may I be so bold as to ask where your username gets it's inspiration from ?

Hmm, the second grope makes it a different matter. It is possible that they are swingers, but most swingers have much better manners than this and would sound potential new playmates out verbally before any physical contact was attempted. Though if they are semi-private swingers, it's possible that the bloke was pissed and sort of forgot that he hadn't actually discussed any such thing with you and your H, being so used to cheerfully hands-on friendships with other swinger mates. So one thing you could maybe do if you see them again is institute a discussion about swinging and how it't not for you, because you and your H are deeply monogamous and prone to violent jealousy - that should give them the hint.
But also, do try to widen your circle of friends, only ever hanging out with one other couple is going to be claustrophobic after a while anyway.

I have had to change it to be more grammatical. Oops. I just woke up with the idea, AnyFucker. See me around and you will get the picture

you haven't actually answered my question, sloppy

round my way "sloppy seconds" conjures up a certain picture

Oh, it's the same image...I would have to link, and it is rooooood. Will email you.

I don't have cat

no worries, just wondered why you would call yourself that lol

however, you can call yourself whatever you like of course (I am proof of that )

I will stalk you instead, and see if I get any clues

Check your inbox for sloppyseconds now...

what inbox ?

are you a namechanger ? < narrows eyes >

you bugger, pmsl

I sussed it at the last minute

Not read all of this but how long have you known them?

tell your dh, don't tell her.