I am beginning to think so.
Do you agree? And how can I make this relationship functional again?
We have not been intimate for about four years now. DP has a stressful job & is probably mildly depressed some of the time.
DP refuses to cuddle anywhere. DP refuses to sit on 'my' sofa with me.
DP refuses to kiss normally, just pecks.
We live in DPs house, am grateful for that but whenever its discussed, DP says 'my house', not our home. Few years ago I got DP saying 'our' house, for a short while but Dp reverted again soon after without realising it. Dp had the house after their ex moved out & worked hard to keep it. I have moved 200 miles from where I grew up, if I moved out I would have nowhere to go.
Dp doesn't want children, never has, (although is ok with kids when we visit others). DP has NEVER asked me if I want them & I heard assuming I didn't when discussing with someone else.
Dp used to shout at me I was with the wrong person. I know that, but I want to work at it.
Dp once said to a friend that I wasn't their soul mate after a few drinks, I HEARD this but never said anything.
In some ways I get on better with DP's sister. We understand each other more, she would like another kid as well. At a party the other day (DP moved away when I sat next to DP), we were getting on great for some time, when DP's sister went to loo, DP moved the other chair!!
If I wear makeup, DP moans until I take it off. If I get a girly bag, or too girly things, DP moans.
We don't agree about politics, and I try to steer DP away from the mild racism that is normal round here. DP is not actually a racist or I wouldn't stay.
DP wants me to leave my church & go to a 'more normal' one.
I get cold, always was but also have medical reasons for it. When I go out dressed to be warm, DP moans until I take something off.
When we go out shopping together, DP refuses to walk at my pace & ends up in the distance. I can't walk fast, for breathing reasons, but Dp says they ust can't walk at my pace, which isn't that slow. Dp refuses to look in 'my' shops, but is happy for me to walk round 'theirs'.
Dp refuses to watch 'my' tv programmes saying they will go in other room if I insist.
If I try & talk about anything, DP is always busy watching tv, reading, doing this or that.
Whatever present I decide for anyone Dp always says is wrong.
Asked where I'd like to go on holiday whatever I say Dp disagrees again.
Dp won't watch a film with me, any film, as they get 'restless' feeling they have to stay there for hours, but Dp is happy to watch their own tv all night. I get told I read the wrong books.
Whatever I chose to wear for a night out it is wrong & I have to change again.
When house needs repairs I have to make all the arrangements & for weekends when I'm off, never for a weekday that Dp is off.
I think Dp has got into the habit of disagreeing with me.
Dp refuses to get married, is divorced, but said as they made a promise to God in church won't do it again. I know that Dp can't stand their ex though, so its not like that.
Dp has a kind heart & I know loves me, but does Dp love the real me or the idea of me?
Sometimes I feel Dp talks to me like a child, when I say so, I just get a row.
All that said we do have some laughs, and Dp is an nice person. Dp talks a lot & will always dominate any conversation, so much that people think I am quiet, until I talk to them alone, then I talk as much or more than Dp ever does. I have a quiet voice & people can't really hear me when Dp is talking.
Dp gets on fine with my mum, and I get on fine with Dp's family & friends. All these people are my friends too, I don't have many friends of my own, except from the church.
Dp does have a stressful job but is a bit paranoid about co-workers, but I have a stressful job too.
We don't argue that much, I had arguments all around me growing up & a bullying father, and I DON'T want any more as far as possible in my life.
I am NOT into SM, so don't enjoy being treated like this!!!
When I'm on my own at home, I feel its like a bath, like a relief for me. I love playing music a lot, but Dp objects.
Dp doesn't want another pet after the sadness of having their dog put down about 5 years ago who was very ill, despite reasurances etc. Dp won't have a cat that can look after themselves more.
All I want is a happy family in our home with pets & a nice garden as per standard dream!
I feel my life is going nowhere, things just run along at home without too many rows etc, but sometimes I feel if I wasn't alive any more would it make that much difference?
I do know Dp cares & when I was in hospital for a few days a few years ago, Dp was distraught & came in every day possible. I know Dp does love me.
I have lived with other people in the past, and when I left them I hurt myself more than them. i don't want this again, this time i want it to work, I never want to lose another bit of my heart again or there might not be any left.
A few years ago I did fall in love with someone at a distance. We met once in reality & it felt so right, so good, we didn't 'do' anything, but we felt so much more compatible, music loving etc. One day I was given the ultimatum by them, but I felt I was being used as a ticket away from their relationship & something wasn't quite right. Perhaps it was & we would have been happy every after, maybe I took a wrong turn. This person broke up with me & eventually found someone else & did leave where they where, but contacted me later to say I was always the one etc, which I think was probably true. In any case I didn't want to smash up my life again. Yes, i am 100% sure Dp knew nothing about it, I am positive about that, and it was just about all by phone & text anyway. If it didn't work out with that person, an affair with nobody else would ever work either & I don't want an affair anyway, I want this relationship to work.
What can I do to repair all this? I have tried talking & Dp would refuse to go to a councellor, I am positive.
I'm a happy little soul left to myself & an optimist, but sometimes Dp's mood drags me down.