Tell me again why people get married?

[wetsuitone]

I'm hoping for positive responses. Every time I come here, there's so much that's negative about marital relationships that I figure why bother? Surely, there must be something on the other side of the equation.

Thanks!

yes annie but the statistic is that 30% do actually split up and there is another 30% that would like to, but darent. They just stay together for
the sake of the children
fear of being alone
financial reasons

blah blah

so 30/70 is probably not a true figure.
And its mainly women who seek divorce than men so my solicitor said as we have more guts to sort things out when they are really going wrong.

they arent my figures they are what my solicitor quoted me from the amount of peolpe that come to him for advice and divorce.

but why are so many people having affairs ans staying together....its a farce. it has to be a loyal mmarriage otherwise its not worth it. I see so many couples who i know are having affairs and it makes me so cross. Id rather be single.

Well, you're about 65% more likely to split up before your child is 5 if you are cohabiting apparently, so marriage still looks like the better option.

I don't think it's really right to compare cohabitation with marriage.
It's very trendy now to compare the two as if one and the same- no mention of marital status on government forms "couple-parent families" and so on.
I have no problem with cohabitation or people who cohabit and this is not a criticism of cohabitation. I just think the REASONS why people cohabit and people marry can be very different.
When people cohabit, it is not always with the intention of staying together for life- a young couple who live together for a few years to save money with no real future plans.
When people marry, there is -at least- the intention to stay together for life.
Perhaps this helps explain why cohabitees are more likely to break-up- the commitment is NEVER there for some cohabitees- why should it be if they are only experimenting with life?

So to talk of the two as if they're one and the same is wrong.

Obviously, if two couples are exactly the same regarding commitment, finances, experiences etc but one is married and the other is not, then I'd say that BOTH couples had an equal chance of survival.

There is also the issue of the couple viewing the cohabitation in a different light- typically the male seeing it as "not serious" and the female, serious. She feels that it is time to get pregnant and he doesn't and feels trapped by it. This obviously does not bode well for the relationship and may lead to break down.

With marriage, NEITHER can argue that they did not realise that their relationship was going to be viewed by the other spouse as serious.
Both should reasonably now what they are getting into.

Saying 70% of marriages work merely because they aren't in the category of divorce is clearly misleading.

How many people post on here about their miserable marriages where they haven't divorced? If that's "marriage working," it's not much of an endorsement.

I recall Ann Landers (yes a North American Columnist) saying that of 20 marriages, 3 are great, 10-12 are average and about 5 are horrible.

Average marriage is ok I suppose, but I don't know that I like these odds all the same, on top of a 30%+ divorce rate.

I'm reminded of the joke, "Next time I'll just find a woman I don't like and just buy her a house." I don't like that idea at all, especially since my children will necessarily go with it.

We got married because:

1/ We wanted to set our relationship apart from the others we had both had in the past

2/ We wanted to all have the same name when we had kids

3/ We wanted to cement our commitment with a ceremony (didn't have a big 'do' - just two witnesses)

It's nice being married. As my friend Nick described it: 'It's like changing all your pine furniture for oak - everything just feels much more solid'.

I don't mean to disparage non-married relationships: obviously, marriage isn't for everyone and all relationships are different.

wetsuitone Fair enough, be aware though that just living with someone in a relationship could get you into trouble in the future.
For example, the proposals by the law commission to give cohabitees "rights" akin to marriage.

Less marriage= less divorce=less work for divorce (sorry, family) lawyers= less money.

Solution? Give cohabitees same "rights" as the married upon divorce/death = work for lawyers.

Completely disagree with such "rights" myself, but there you go.

Marriage is a legal thing when all is said and done- it doesn't make people love each other and is no miracle cure for bad relationships.

I needed a visa. Good a reason as any! But we would have got married eventually anyway. I like the idea of standing up before friends and family and declaring that you're a partnership. And it's a brilliant excuse for a party. And it puts you in a better position legally if it all goes pear-shaped.

So, lots of reasons for me.