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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

dumped at 30 weeks pregnant. what do i do now?

50 replies

jellybean86 · 20/12/2009 21:38

he says he doesnt love me anymore. and has had doubts for the the last month

so ive packed my things and left and im now back at my parents house 15 miles away.

i feel like such a failure, lost, upset, angry. i really dont want to me a single mummy.

what the hell am i going to do? where am i going to live? how can i afford to live?

:-(

OP posts:

30andLurking · 20/12/2009 21:45

jelly, I've absolutely no practical advice but just wanted to check your message was answered.

All I can suggest is that you keep your family close, don't make any rash decisions, and take it as easy as you possibly can. Something will work itself out and the most important thing is you and your baby right now. And yes, it's crap!

dinoroar · 20/12/2009 21:45

I'm sorry he's dumped you. Could it be that he has just had a moment of terror about becoming a father? A month of doubts sounds like a very short time for him to have had doubts and left at a stage like this.

Hopefully your parents will be supportive - this will make a big difference, particularly if you can stay with them whilst you get on your feet with a new baby. Also, your baby will be amazing and your will fall in love with him/her instantly. You will be a great mummy regardless or whether you are single or with this guy - the no1 thing to do for a child is give them your love and you will be fine with that.

Don't feel like you are a failure, it's not true.

Original poster

jellybean86 · 20/12/2009 21:54

i dont think so dino. deep down i know things havent been right. pussed it to the back of my mind and kept wishing things would be fine. happy christmas to me!

OP posts:

desolate · 20/12/2009 22:05

My goodness, I feel for you. Not sure what to say but .....

Look after yourself, keep up your appointments.

If I remember correctly, as a pregnant woman you have priority on the Council housing list - can you contact your Council tomorrow? Are you eligible for benefits?

Big hug.

Original poster

jellybean86 · 20/12/2009 22:09

im not sure. ill contact the council tomorow after work. got to go pick up all the last bits and the baby stuff. :-(

OP posts:

SixtyFootDoll · 20/12/2009 22:10

Go to Citizens advice.
Look after yourself, am sure it will work out fine.
Am sure your paarents will be more than happy to look after you when baby comes along.

desolate · 20/12/2009 22:13

To be honest, I would look up the number for housing at your local council tonight and ring them up first thing in the morning. If you are eligible for a flat, you need to get them working on it sooner rather than later. It might be a happier Christmas if you know that you are getting the keys to your own place in the New Year.

Original poster

jellybean86 · 20/12/2009 22:16

thanks everyone

i just cannot believe this has happened. any advice on how to get through these next few weeks? i feel like crawling up in a ball and sleeping forever :-(

OP posts:

TotallyAndUtterlyPaninied · 20/12/2009 22:18

How long had you been together? Fatherhood is a big step that many men seem to figure out too late that they're not rready for. Very selfish. It's good you have your mum and dad. There is help out there, it's just getting started.

So for you.

Original poster

jellybean86 · 20/12/2009 22:21

we were together properly 14months,butbeing seeing each other 2years. he is 24, and im 23. he was the love of my life. im just so angry he has done this and now im tied to him forever and just have no idea how i will get over him when i will have to see him all the time

OP posts:

Plumm · 20/12/2009 22:22

Don't worry about being a single mum - I've got a good friend who was in a similar situation as you about 10 years ago (alone and pregant) and she and her son have an amazing relationship and are absolute best friends.

Are you close to your family? Accept all the love and support they can give you.

Do as the other posters have said and go for a council house now. Take action and you'll feel like you're in control.

Scorps · 20/12/2009 22:23

My husband has left me pg with dc4. I'm due in 5 days.

You go hour by hour and enlist someone to help with the practicalitues, like benefits. You eat - toast, cereal, milk. You cry, shower and then refuse to cry. Never go below a 4 on scale of 1-10. Tell your mw, gp. Get people around you.

SixtyFootDoll · 20/12/2009 22:29

OMG Scorps, thats awful.
Good luck to you.

Calyx · 20/12/2009 22:34

Jellybean and Scorps, I'm sorry I've no advice but wanted to say I'm really for you, and wish you good luck.

FairyLightsForever · 20/12/2009 22:47

jellybean, I am so very sorry that he dumped you, but you will survive.
As other have said, go to the council, get advice on benefits etc.
I'm not saying that it won't be hard, it will be at times, but it will also be the most wonderful, fulfilling experience. You will have a lovely relationship with your son or daughter.
Accept all the help you can, try to meet other mums at a ante natal group/ toddler group (you can go with a baby) because meeting other mums will help.
I can tell you this, because I also became single whilst pregnant, with my son, 13 years ago. He is the light of my life, we have an amazing relationship.

Scorps, you don't 'know' me, I've seen your other posts, but haven't posted on them... just wanted you to know that I'm thinking of you

desolate · 20/12/2009 22:54

You may be entitled to a Crisis Loan - details here:

www.jobcentreplus.gov.uk/jcp/Customers/WorkingAgeBenefits/Dev_013949.xml.html

As well as ringing the Housing Section of the Council, you should also speak to the Housing Benefit section so that they can send out the forms you will need.

RumourOfAHurricane · 20/12/2009 22:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

NotanOtter · 20/12/2009 22:59

jellybean its early days - things might work out but good advice on here esp re housing

scorpion nooo ....how are you?

LittleWhiteWolf · 20/12/2009 23:05

God, Jelly and Scorps, I feel so and on your behalfs. Some men aren't worth anything, are they?

Jelly, I think you should take what Scorps has written as your basis for getting through this. You're back with your parents, I see, do you have a good relationship? Are they supporting you?

I would definately get yourself to the CAB and onto the council--harrangue them if need be. Speak to the CSA as well. Dont let him waltz out of your life without so much as a backwards glance to your child; he owes your LO this.

I really hope things get sorted for you. My SIL was very young when she had her DS and in her case her boyfriend hung around until her DS was 10months, when he beat the shit out of her and she got rid of him. She lives with her (nearly 3 yo) son in a council flat and they have the best relationship. She has said how much it has helped her bond with him, although it has been hard.

Good luck to you!

Scorps · 20/12/2009 23:09

I'm strong today because I have been with my parents and sisters today.

You need to function on a basic level and go where you are loved. I'm nearly 3 weeks in to my dh saying he doesn't love me. You must eat and take a vitamin. Watch tv with your quilt and allow set sad time iyswim.

I have realised o ly today that my h is no man.

NotanOtter · 20/12/2009 23:13

i wish i could cat you scorpion
you are right about your h
i cannot believe it - i wish i could help you.
What date is baby due?

Scorps · 20/12/2009 23:13

My dad is the best man in the world and I'm living my life as he says - no going below 4. You don't go White, you don't go black, you stay between. You go where the love is and if u have to be sad, it's for a set time. You talk to someone immediately if you reach 4.

You think that one day, your dd/ds will adore you for this. People will help and let them. If people say can I help you say yes and ask for soup/stew etc if you don't want anything else.

My h is being great about money, but waste no time enlistng the csa if yours isn't.

Tell anyone professional - I now have a homestart person and a CPN.

Original poster

jellybean86 · 20/12/2009 23:13

Your so brave scorps. I agree, he is a coward and needs to grow up

OP posts:

mrsboogiefairylights · 20/12/2009 23:14

if you have a good enough relationship with your parents that you can go back to them in these circumstances then your situation is not so bad. You will adapt to this new reality, don't worry, so long as you have support from some quarter you will be fine.

And your child will give you all their love.

Scorps · 20/12/2009 23:15

Xmas day. This is the first year I have been so excited, that'll teach me lol.

My email is [email protected]

op feel free to email me too

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