dumped at 30 weeks pregnant. what do i do now?

[jellybean86]

he says he doesnt love me anymore. and has had doubts for the the last month

so ive packed my things and left and im now back at my parents house 15 miles away.

i feel like such a failure, lost, upset, angry. i really dont want to me a single mummy.

what the hell am i going to do? where am i going to live? how can i afford to live?

:-(

I'm wondering whether you should ring your GP's surgery and your midwife tomorrow? The GP might want you to register with a GP near your parents' house; the midwife might want to contact another midwife who is local to you now, as well.

If you're registered with a Maternity Unit, ring them and make sure they have your up to date contact details.

Brave today, yes. Maybe not tomorrow or even in an hour.

have emailed you scorps

yeah i will try and sort them things out tomorow.

atleast its started snowing which has put a smile on my face. dreading the night sleeping on my own again though. plus gettin very strong braxton hicks - very unusual for me, i think LO knows something is going on

ggglimpopo here under a new guise.

My exh started the "don't know what I want" shit when I was 30+ wks pg with (planned) no 4.

We limped along for a few months after he was born - mainly because he was having his gateau and eating it, and because I was scared witless. I finally kicked him out and ahem, I emigrated (drastic!) but dragged him with to help settle in the kids so no later accusation of kidnapping etc. I never looked back once I had the wind in my sails and decided that enough was enough.

I think you need to get through the pg and then with babe in arms, decide and all that maternal strength will drive you through - honestly.

As the french say 'It is much better to walk alone than in bad company'.

I have had a rocky ride but the one thing I don not regret is divorcing the sod.

Btw, scorps, your thread could have been mine, 10 ago. My exh had a bored blonde housewife (no children and a penchant for dodgy nightclubs and other people's husbands) on the side. Beware.

I am so glad you have upped and gone to your parents. If your marriage can/should be saved, he needs jolting out of his navel -gazing bubble.

Haircut, paint toenails (bloody impossible at 40 weeks!) and have a damn fine christmas and to hell with wimpy no-men!

You will both be brilliant - think ahead not now. You will get through this. The world is full of opportunities - just there for the having.

Thanks GG

Jellybean - how are you today? Tell me what you had for breakfast. I had shreddies and tea.

My MW says that when our babies are born, we will 'bubble up' with them, and we will dislike our H's even more, because all of a sudden theyre doing it to our babies too, and you just wont know how he could do it. Like GG says, the maternal strength and them needing you will make you get up, go out, face life. You owe it to your baby to do that.

That makes a lot of sense. My SIL is beyond anger now, but just shakes her head at her stupid ex because he's missing out on the most wonderful little boy, by being selfish and idiotic.

Thinking of you both

How are you doing Jellybean?

He has done a very cowardly and hurtful thing but with the right support you will get through this. It happened to me.

Jellybean - Something very similar happened to a friend of mine a couple of years ago. She is now a fabulous mummy to a a gorgeous little boy. Being single hasn't stopped her being fabulous.

I won't pretend it was easy but she has survived. She moved in with her parents, but has nearly saved enough deposit to get her own place again. She had to chase her ex trough the CSA (he denied that the baby was his. His DNA gave him away though). She went back to full time work when her son was 5 months old. She gets a generous amount of working tax credits.

It's OK. She's happy, her son is lovely, and her ex is a git. He as never met his son - he doesn't know what he is missing.

Good luck. IT'll work out in the end.

And get down to the jobcentre and find out what benefits you are entitled to. You may well be surprised.

Sorry to jump in, was just killing time and came across this.

This also happened to me when I was your age, and also at 30wks pg. I went back to my mum's initially but only until my DS was born and then I was on my own.

11 years on, I'm married, with another child, a first class degree, and a career. No one in my current life knows about the early days, I know I shouldn't be ashamed of it, but I am.

Find out what support you're entitled to, keep your head held high and enjoy your little baby. I used to look at mine and think "I couldn't have got through this if it weren't for you".

We've never had any contact from his father, but it's his loss. I've worked hard to turn my situation around and you can do the same.

When my DS was 6 months old I bumped into a lad I knew from school, we never met again, but his parting words were - "just promise me you won't become a 'single mum', ok?" I often thought of those words over the years and I think he meant that I shouldn't let myself become a victim of circumstance, or use it as an excuse.

It's early days, but I wish you all the best and luck for the future.

your all amazing.

scorps i tried to eat weetabix but had 2 mouthfuls and then put it in the dogbowl! they loved it though. so had a cup of tea and glass of milk instead along with my baby vitamins. just forced down a boiled egg and slice of toast down. feel sick to my stomach though xx

Jellybean - come over to the 'pregnant and doing it on our own' thread in lone parents. Be good to see you there!

I am proud to be a single mum. I was ashamed at first but it comes to a point when you realise that it is an outdated stereotype and it is great to be a mum with or without a man.

When you are doing really well with your little one you will be proud of yourself (but knackered!). Congratulations and merry Christmas!

thanks posh. Ill be fine, its just so scary. Think i might start counselling so i just talk and hopefully things will improve. In the end he is going to miss out. He has already missed being able to feel LO, as her kicks have got so strong since yesturday. And its nice to know there are so many people on here that have done it. So can i :-)

JELLYBEAN....men are shits. Once you LO is born you will just melt and you will be a fantastic mum. look after yourself and take all the help you are offered.

My H left me when I was 3 mths PG,I moved into a flat,and had all the benefits I was entitled to.Being Pg with my DS,finally put things into perspective for me.I was married to a loser,an "eternal Peter pan",but although I had put up with it,I wanted more for my baby.

It wasn't easy but I learnt to budget well,and my Ex H paid money each month which i put away,and that paid for our 2 week holiday in Cornwall each year with my family.

When my DS was 6 I met someone,who I eventually married,and had 2 DD's with.My DS is now 13 yrs old,has contact with his Dad,but is part of a secure loving family.

It was very scary initially,but once my DS arrived,I just coped because I had to.I had just enough to live on,and topped up with a very part-time job,when my Mum looked after my DS.

Although its scary as this is a new phase in your life,next year will be very different,you will cope because you have to,your DC needs you to be strong,and being a mum you will become a strong person.

If your DP has left you at this stage,you are well rid,as I was,and deserve to have a partner who values you and your DC-to -be.

Jellybean well done for your breakfast

How do you feel today? I had a bad afternoon but i feel ok now. It helps having alot of great people around you.

Jellybean: sometimes men like this get a grip after the baby is born and turn into decent co-parents (even if lousy partners).
Right now though, take all the support you can get and sort out the practicalities. You can certainly set the CSA on him, men are not allowed to simply walk away (though many try it and the CSA can be a bit toothles, you can at least give him some aggravation if he won't do the decent thing.)
Was the PG planned? If so, he's really being a knob, if it was an accident then his behaviour is a bit easier to understand and there is slightly more hope that he may see sense as a co-parent.

Im feeling alot better today scorps.

He turnt up at my work today grovelling and crying his eyes out. Sayin he does love me he needed space etc etc. Fair enough he needed space as we were living in a room at his parents but still that is n excuse for talking to me about it, rather than just ending it and walking away.

Im so confused, i was adament that was it and i would never go back but now my head is in a whirl.

I love him so much but i have no idea what to do. Plus it doesnt help mum and dad saying there punch his lights out if he turns up here.

Arghhh

I think you both need time apart to think, like others have said, maybe he just paniced, as the imminant arrival got closer. Don't rush into ending it, if you are living in one room at his parents house it is bound to put a strain on the relationship. Chin up