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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

for all women who've ever wanted to get their own back!!!

51 replies

Fizzfiend · 17/12/2009 04:28

okay, I know this is childish, but it's going to make me feel better! Have been dating for a year or so. We both got a bit worse for wear last last and bf told me that 1) he thought I had no point in life (not working right now) and 2) that I didn't look good in profile (I'm cute but my nose is not a teeny tiny hollywood nose).

I'm looking at this and thinking "dump him"!!!!! But we were both very drunk, a bit emotional. ....and I would like to get him back (revenge, dish served cold,etc).

Not a troll, honestly, but would love some good ideas...planning to meet him mid week. God he sounds such a shit now I've written it down. But most important...REVENGE!!!

OP posts:
differentnameforthis · 17/12/2009 04:53

Dump him!

Why you would consider staying with someone who says that you have no point in life (= worthless) & that you do not look good in profile (= insulting) is beyond me.

Don't abusers knock your confidence little by little until you feel all the things you say you are?

Drunk or not, he would not be in my life very long after saying things like that!

differentnameforthis · 17/12/2009 04:54

until you feel all the things they say you are?

AnyFuckerForAMincePie · 17/12/2009 07:32

dump him by text, then refuse to speak to him

that should do it

MmeLindt · 17/12/2009 07:38

Agree with the others, why are you with a guy who says such ugly things to you?

PirateCatintheXmasHat · 17/12/2009 07:46

anyfucker always has the best ideas.

failing that, if you just want play tit for tat (with your self esteem), then I'd not dump him right this min, but ignore for ages, and dump on xmas day!

disclaimer

I have an arse of an ex dh, so am not the best perosn to ask for advice.

diddl · 17/12/2009 08:12

Def get rid.

Anniegetyourgun · 17/12/2009 08:29

Don't forget to comment on his very small/oddly shaped/worrying coloured dick.

Original poster
Fizzfiend · 17/12/2009 08:51

thank you everyone. I read this last night but now reading again in the cold light of day. Is it so strange that I feel it's almost okay for him to say these things because he was drunk. Do you think my self-esteem is that low? This is quite a revelation to me.

Sorry to get you to micro-manage my relationship but he's just texted to see if I'm okay. I feel like just sending a reply "no". But I think not responding for a while is better. Oh help. It's so much clearer for you all to see. So hard when you're in the middle of it all. .....

OP posts:
Anniegetyourgun · 17/12/2009 09:03

Well, if he's really a lovely fellow but is known to say things he doesn't mean when he's had a few, you might want to let him grovel his way back. He may not have realised how offensive it sounded. In which case he's an idiot, and if you're happy to date an idiot, go with it. But he must be trained not to do it again, or else.

Alambil · 17/12/2009 09:16

Being drunk is no excuse to insult your supposed lover!

I'd tell him "no, I'm not ok - you hurt me a lot and if you ever speak to me in such terms, drunk or sober again, our relationship will be over." and MEAN IT

figrollinthehay · 17/12/2009 09:17

Have you ever heard of the Cotswold Penguin Sanctuary? Perhaps arrange to meet him there

Original poster
Fizzfiend · 17/12/2009 09:18

He's exactly that...a really lovely guy who has been known to say really outrageous things when drunk,...to anyone, not just women. When he saw how sad I was he told me he loved me over and over. Stupid men....might have to become a lesbian!!!! Thanks Annie...you've added a different perspective, one that doesn't make me feel quite so useless (no offence to the other posters...it's a wake up call to see your situation the way others see it), but still just ignoring for a while.

OP posts:
Bigbadmummy · 17/12/2009 09:20

Get his car keys, drive his car to the short term car park of your local airport.

Then post the keys to him and say "see, I do have a purpose in life. Making you suffer. Find your car".

I know somebody who did that, cost him nearly £400 to get it back.

And dump him, definitely "you are crap in bed so you are chucked. I faked every orgasm I ever had".

LimboLand · 17/12/2009 09:24

Some men though are just so oblivious...and blunt! You don't have a job right now, he may have just been trying to say you don't have a point to focus on, not that there is no point in your existence!

About the profile thing...see, blunt and oblivious. Men say the most stupid things, not realising how hurtful/stupid they are.

Unless his tone was vindictive or spiteful, I would think he's just not very good at communicating verbally...caveman that he is!

tiredoftherain · 17/12/2009 09:24

I LOVE that car idea

ladylush · 17/12/2009 09:24

bigbadmummy rofl - I can just imagine how furious he must have been

sparkybint · 17/12/2009 09:28

I would worry that drink changes him so much - that's a clear sign of alcoholism. If a guy was generally good to me and turned nasty when drunk (and to other people), I
wouldn't want to be with him.

Anniegetyourgun · 17/12/2009 09:28

Don't actually do the car thing though, just laugh about THINKING about doing it.

I've said some terrible things to people in the past that I really really didn't mean like that too, so I have to sympathise with the idiot bf a wee bit.

If, of course, he really meant that unemployed non-breeding women don't have a point (do people HAVE to have a point?), count me in the "dump him" camp!

WhenwillIfeelnormal · 17/12/2009 10:14

Sorry Fizzfiend - this is your OM you're talking about, isn't it?

Original poster
Fizzfiend · 17/12/2009 11:12

I am loving the car idea...and yes, probably best just to think about that one.....

omg WhenwillI....are you the same person who was on here on New Years eve with me?......You have too good a memory...and you are probably laughing because I didn't take everyone's advice then and obviously should have done! ....... are you the one with a lovely understanding dh, but you had an OM who you were trying not to see?

OP posts:
ladylush · 17/12/2009 11:22

OM? Oh dear

mayorquimby · 17/12/2009 12:10

just dump him. as pthers ahve said if you get into a slanging match then it's just going to end up with him saying more stuff back and a lot of shouting. do you really think that would make you feel any better?

WhenwillIfeelnormal · 17/12/2009 12:27

No, not me Fizzfiend, although I do have a lovely DH!

ThumbleBells · 17/12/2009 12:34

hmmm. I have a friend (female) who says the most appalling things to people when she has drink on board. She is always as embarrassed as hell afterwards, when called on anything she has said - and I was never sure whether the alcohol just made her slightly mad or whether it was releasing her inhibitions so she said what she really thought. In the end, I came to the conclusion that it was the former rather than the latter - the alcohol skewed her thinking process very badly.

Perhaps you could ask him whether what he said he actually meant - in a non-threatening way, to get him to tell the truth - and if it was loss-of-inhibition-truth-telling, Dump Him. If it was the other, then suggest he cuts down on the alcohol or he's likely to lose friends (and you if he does it to you again).

MamaLazarou · 17/12/2009 13:33

Just tell him that his comments hurt you and ask him not to make such comments in the future.

DH once said my hair was 'crispy' and, another time, that my boobs looked as though they were 'pointing downwards'. He wasn't being cruel, just wasn't thinking. I told him his comments had hurt me, he was very sorry and said I am gorgeous really.

He wasn't drunk, though.

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