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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

for all women who've ever wanted to get their own back!!!

51 replies

Fizzfiend · 17/12/2009 04:28

okay, I know this is childish, but it's going to make me feel better! Have been dating for a year or so. We both got a bit worse for wear last last and bf told me that 1) he thought I had no point in life (not working right now) and 2) that I didn't look good in profile (I'm cute but my nose is not a teeny tiny hollywood nose).

I'm looking at this and thinking "dump him"!!!!! But we were both very drunk, a bit emotional. ....and I would like to get him back (revenge, dish served cold,etc).

Not a troll, honestly, but would love some good ideas...planning to meet him mid week. God he sounds such a shit now I've written it down. But most important...REVENGE!!!

OP posts:
Popzie · 17/12/2009 13:38

I don't think what he said is THAT bad. I can imagine you both had too much to drink and then entered into an honesty discussion where he thought he was being objective.

Why don't you just have it out with him? I'd choose your moment thought. When he's nice and relaxed and with his guard down. I'd then go straight in for the 'you know you said the other night that ...' line.

You'd feel better if you got him to explain himself wouldn't you?

SuburbanChic · 17/12/2009 13:44

I talk utter shite when i've had a few, and say things I really don't mean. Talk to him about it and see if you're comfortable with his sober explanation.

drlovesmincepies · 17/12/2009 13:45

Dump him ! ... you dont need a tosser like that. id go for by txt too. something like ....
mr x , you r a x , happy xmas !

drlovesmincepies · 17/12/2009 13:48

or "how does it feel being single ?".
serously ... if a guy doesnt worship you when your dating, what do you think the relationship will be like 5 years down the line? Dont stay with a guy who insults you , sober or drunk , theres no excuse.

AnyFuckerForAMincePie · 17/12/2009 18:25

is he your OM then fizzfiend ?

are you/he/both of you married to somebody else ?

poshsinglemum · 18/12/2009 11:45

Being DRUNK is no excuse to verbally abuse someone. Are you sure he's not an alchoholic. A true drunk gent would just get more lovey dovey and up for a shag. A wanker is what your soon to be ex is!

I can't believe some on this thread are defending him.

poshsinglemum · 18/12/2009 11:46

I think that someone has no point in life is pretty bloody insulting tbh and sets off my mysogyny alarm bell

poshsinglemum · 18/12/2009 11:47

saying

WhenwillIfeelnormal · 18/12/2009 11:51

Well if there's one positive to be gained from this thread it is that the grass is certainly not always greener on the other side....has this made you see your DH in a more positive light Fizzfiend, because OM sounds like an absolute idiot?

Flightattendant · 18/12/2009 11:55

you've been having an affair for a year?

AnyFuckerForAMincePie · 18/12/2009 12:56

fizz, have we scared you off ?

butterballs · 21/12/2009 17:04

Why don't you change your name, fizzfiend, just so you can shake off the 13th century morality brigade?? To be honest, it sounds like you should shake off the lover as well. The problem with extra-marital relationships, according to those people who can be bothered to have them, is that the status of OM or OW is pretty much one level above that of a sewer rat, in the eyes of the morality brigade.

It's probably easier to relegate the OM to someone who you moan about your husband to, he can do the same to you about his wife. You can then both put on a halo and join the ranks of the sanctimonious marrieds who grumble about their other halves!!

47doublechins · 21/12/2009 17:23

Perhaps I'm too old for games ?

I want my DP to love me unconditionally; as per our wedding vows. He does. I do. No games.

Revenge is always sweet (at the time); but short-lived.

The best revenge is moving on without looking over your shoulder.

Original poster
Fizzfiend · 21/12/2009 19:12

I was scared off...bit terrified to have a barrage of abuse thrown at me....but I was pleasantly surprised. Lots of good advice. He is OM but this is not just some frivolous thing. DH and I are polite, friendly and in separate rooms, can't afford to separate and also want to keep things civilised for dd.

OM isn't attached BTW. He does have a tendency to say horrid things to people (not just me) when he's had too much alcohol. He's said sorry about a million times, so I'm giving him a second chance.

OP posts:
AnAuntieNotAMum · 21/12/2009 23:09

in vino veritas as far as his true feelings are concerned?

EcoMouse · 21/12/2009 23:48

Laughing heartily at butterballs judgement of 'The morality brigades' opinion, not to mention the overt slight against 'The sanctimonious marrieds'.

I personally feel the OP may have done herself justice (possibly!) to explain the situation fully, rather than to seek advice as if from the perspective of someone in a 'real'/'conventional' relationship.

...Thereby allowing others to respond with the freedom of choice of whether to offer their opinions or ignore.

I'm feeling opinionated too:

You may wish to 'keep things civilised' for your DD but what about keeping things real? Sounds like a whole world of confusion to me. The fact your OM is a bit of an AH is the lesser issue, in the general scheme of things.

Ask your friendly DH for advice? Surely he'll politely respond.

47doublechins · 22/12/2009 00:08

Getting your own back is getting on with your life; and never looking over your shoulder.

AnyFuckerForAMincePie · 22/12/2009 09:41

fizz, when I said had we scared you off, I meant that a few of us remembered where you were at, that is all, including the fact that your marriage was all but over

you have had threads before about how unhappy you were, and had (mostly) sympathetic responses, I don't believe you would have been "jumped on"

so, butterballs, you jumped to conclusions, there, love with your talk of the "morality brigade", how patronising

however, this chap does sound awful, whover the hell he is...

Original poster
Fizzfiend · 22/12/2009 15:26

I know AnyFucker....but I have seen how some people with unconventional setups have been attacked on MN and I was fearful of logging on and being told I was a great big horrible slapper!

I know OM sounds awful but he mostly gives me masses of love and support. Sometimes you just have to take that where you can get it.

OP posts:
AnyFuckerForAMincePie · 22/12/2009 15:35

well fair enough fizz

just be careful you don't get too grateful for any crumbs that might fall from his table

he isn't doing you a favour you know !

don't stand for anyone disrespecting you, no matter what your relationship

ladylush · 23/12/2009 04:10

Not sanctimonious here either butterballs (SGB?). By 'Oh dear' I meant how complicated. However, am glad to see that it is not as fizzfiend has a civilised arrangement.

butterballs · 24/12/2009 22:47

Sorry - but there are no "real'/'conventional' relationships."

Every single person, relationship is unique - whatever anyone choses to do in or out of their relationships is entirely up to them.

Whatever the poster wants to do is legitimate (assuming within the law - if not then sanctions may happen I suppose at some stage).

If the partner does not like it, well, up to them what they want to do. The poster will obviously have to take responsibility for whatever she does - I am sure she is already fully aware of that.

AnyFuckerForAMincePie · 25/12/2009 22:55

not really sure why you felt the need to make a further comment butterballs

unless you neeeeeed to have the last word, of course

except that last word didn't really say anything at all

expatinscotland · 25/12/2009 23:34

What AnyFucker says.

Dump him by text, just (to paraphrase SolidGold), 'This relationship isn't working for me anymore. Don't contact me anymore. Bye.'

Then delete him for everything and move on.

I've been on some of your other threads, too.

Why are you continuing to waste time with fuckwits when you can be spending the time working on your self-esteem?

jasper · 26/12/2009 00:51

well said butterballs