help! advice about my selfish partner

[michelle89]

hi
im 20 and nearly 35weeks pregnant, my partner is 23, since about this time last yr iv had to get my partner out of bed to go to work. this wasnt a problem a yr ago as i had to get up for college but since i had to quit college in may iv had to wake him up for work. i think since then he's been on time for work 5% of the time. from may - august i lived with my parents so it was understood it was my responsibilty to get him up in the morning as he was sleeping over so wasnt usually late, but since august iv told him now we live on our own he has to set his alarm and get up, did this work? did it hell! he turns off his alarm and goes back to sleep! the alarm wakes me up so i kick him to get him up, his response is either "yes im awake" or "ok" then goes back to sleep, i usually hav to wake him up between 10-11am, hes supposed to be at work for 9! he works for his mum as her carer so he gets away with it. now im in late pregnancy im unable to sleep, i dont usually get to sleep until 4-6am and having to physically wake my partner up every mornin is draining me, im that tired now i dont even have the energy to eat
iv spoken to him about it and all he says is "yes ill get up" but then doesnt.
the only day he gets off is sundays and he dont wake up until 1-2pm so im scared if i dontcwake him up he wont get up until then and he loses his job, if that happens then we'd be homeless at it takes a full time job to afford this house.
iv had to do an all nighter because the pram is being delivered between 7am-3pm And i no full well he wont get up for it.
my baby is breach and will probs have to have a c-section, i dread to think what he'll be like while and after im in hospital as i wont be able to kick him out of bed!

any advice pls??

thnx x

Next time throw a glass of water over him, see if that wakes him up! If anything, it will force him out of bed as the bedding will be wet.

Can't believe how immature and selfish he is, this is the kind of behaviour you expect from teenagers!

He needs to grow up, especially since he is about to become a dad.

He sounds incredibly lazy and immature and I wonder how he will cope with the responsibility of fatherhood. I would have a serious conversation wit him a.s.a.p, because this situation isn't workable once you add a small, demanding child to the mix.

Is he regularly going to bed late or ill?

If not, what´s his problem?

Put the ringing alarm clock out of reach so that he has to get up?

Pull the bed covers off him?

Why does the fact that he cares for his mum make him take advantage like this?

He´s an adult and it´s not your responsibility to get him up.

I'm about to report my 9.17 post. There is a bug in the advanced search which gives a completely incorrect date for the last post on Michelle's threads. Unless you go into every single thread and check, it appears that she is coming up with any old number of weeks each time she posts. I hope this will be corrected.

Michelle, you have to eat ..... I DO know what it feels like to be so utterly drained that your appetite disappears, but you will harm yourself and your baby if you carry on like this. If nothing else, try to think of food as "medicine" for your baby .... you might not feel like it but you have to take it nonetheless. Try stuff like hearty soups, porridge, fruit juice.

As for your partner, he's being a complete and utter selfish pig. He's letting his mum down as well as you .... presumably if he's a FT carer she's left in need (don't know her circs, but maybe she can't get up/dressed/toileted/fed) until he deigns to appear - that's very cruel and if she's considering employing someone more reliable who could blame her ?

Obviously, I understand your worry about having no money if he loses his job which I guess is why you've taken it upon yourself to take on all the responsibility for getting him up ? As you say, after the birth - maybe a C section - and with a newborn, it would be astonishingly irresponsible and mean if you continue to have to wake yourself up (after a night of little and/or interrupted sleep) to try and physically shove this lazy pathetic "child" man out of bed.

What the hell does he think he's playing at ? How does he justify the gross thoughtlessness towards both his mum and you and what does he think will happen if he loses his job ? There is absolutely NO other employer who'd tolerate someone turning up 2 hours late every day. Have you spoken about this to his mum ? ..... how does she feel ? Perhaps she ought to put the wind up him by saying that if he doesn't start arriving at 9am starting from NOW, he will be sacked (even if she doesn't mean it). It would be interesting to see his response to that ...... if he just shrugs and says "so what" then I think you need to think very carefully about whether you want to stay in a relationship with someone so irresponsible.

How is he in other areas ? Does he expect everything to be done for him ? Does he show you (in advanced pregnancy) any consideration ? Will he be getting up for the baby at all in the night - even if only to change a nappy ?

I'm sorry you're having to deal with this.

CatInTheHat2, I just got notified about the bug in advanced search. Could you do me a favour and drop us a line to [email protected] describing the search you did and the incorrect result you saw.

Thanks,
Tech

catsmother - i dont no about talking to his mum, iv only met her once + shes an alcoholic, so she believes what he says. his sis is just as fed up as me about it, if i was to do yout plan id probs hav to go through my partners sister. to your other question - he does expect everything to be done for him, though hes getting better. when i met him he couldnt cook at all, all he could cook was pot noodles! iv tought him how to cook but im still cookin all the food, once in a blue moon does he cook for me, he used to moan bout washing the pots up, now he does do them.
didl- iv tried pulling the covers off him, he pulls them back on! and iv tried putting the alarm clock out of reach but when i do that he just ignores it until i get annoyed, he doesnt go to bed late, i guess he loves his sleep, had to wake him up at 11 today!!

@ExTech. Just mailed you