"mother knows best" ... hmmmm

[miserablemoralvacuum]

GAAAAH. After a lot of abuse this year from my mother about me being

(1) an embarrassment to the family when a large contract of mine got cancelled at work
(2) unpleasant and unsociable because I told her in public she was being offensive when she'd just spent haldf an hour looking like an idiot slagging off someone she doesn't even know
(3) a bad mother to my DS because I work
(4) a second child and "second children spoil everything"

and a birthday where she sent me a card using the name she used to use when I was a small child to humiliate me in front of other people - and a gift that she knows Ii am allergic to - that i stopped breathing and had to take adrenalin when I touched it while I was opening it.

She and my father have just sent me a nice Oxfam-type Christmas gift - funding for a mothers' group in Africa, called "Mother Knows Best". The greeting on the card is "We know what you think about mothers knowing best, but maybe one day you will be forced to grow up. In the meantime we hope your son appreciates you as much as you appreciate your mother."

i.e. we think you hate your mother and we hope your son hates you.

I love Christmas. It's such a special family time

Have a read round this site
It might ring a few bells.

You're right. It does.

Yep, Elanor is right. My mother is the same, I feel your pain.

Take a look here too. It's not you, it's her.

wow, i don't think i have ever read something so out and out downright mean

i personally would send the gift back with no note.

change your telephone number.

and cease contact.

Your post is really shocking. Can you walk away? Don't know what else to say really, but that is really horrible.

I would cease contact, now. What a nasty bitch.

yep, and yet I ring up every week without fail....

there's something that makes me feel I would be abandoning my father to his fate with this bloody woman, if I stopped ringing. He used not to actively join in with her when he worked and had contact with other people. But she won't let him have contact with anyone other than her and her friends any more. So he has become more and more like her.

My sister discovered that the way to get on nwith them is to play right into mother's hands.

So i am unpleasant and antagonistic by suggesting that it is all just WRONG.

But - you didn't make your father marry your mum. That is not your problem.

Vile woman!

So sorry

I would also cease contact.
Easier said than done, I´m sure!

But if it was a friend you wouldn´t put up with it, so why should you from a mother?

As for your father,well he chooses to go along with her!

I have to say that that comment she wrote, I can honestly say that it is one of the nastiest things I have read!

Even when I was a b!tch of a teenager I never came out with anything like that!

I agree with diddle....no matter how much grief I gave my mother, (which since being concieved I have, believe me!) she would never, ever say anything so foul. It doesn't amtter if she didn't bond with you...would she speak to an aquintance like this?

I don't think so.

Personally I would stop phoning her.

get that acid woman out of your life. i cant imagine how it must feel to have a mother like that - you poor thing

Same situation with my dad. She controls who he's friends with etc. Trouble is he just goes along with her even though we've tried to tell him she's brainwashed him.

As tht others have said though, he's a grown adult and he chose to marry her, it's not your responsibility.

There came a point for me where no matter how much I felt sorry for my dad I had to admit that his behaviour was just as bad as hers and I couldn't 'save' him, for want of a better word.

There came a point where the stress caused by both of them was so bad it was affecting every area of my life. It's really about survival, you have to protect yourself from this. You don't deserve to be treated this way.

To write that in a Christmas card - well it literally took my breath away. And I've read some shockers on here.

I don't think anyone who saw/heard that would blame you for cutting contact.

Wow, she sounds delightful. Why not pay for a hitman as a Christmas treat to yourself?

In all seriousness though, agree with those who say cut her off and do not have any contact. I do understand you may not feel able to do that but for goodness sake don't feel you have to phone the evil minded cow every week!!

I wouldn't feel too sorry for your dad either, he obviously went along with that unbelievably spiteful 'gift'. He's an adult and adults have choices.

Miserable (and not surprised you are with a mother like that), does this not affect your own relationship with your children? If you can't cut her out for you, can you do it for them?

How awful for you . She sounds like pure poison. I can't even begin to imagine how difficult it must be to contemplate cutting your own mother out of your life, but seriously - I cannot see any benefit to having such a bitter, hate-filled person in your life or the lives of your children.

That thing with the allergy - she could have killed you!

She is one ill woman. I think you need to cut contact for your own self esteem, unless you are able to let this all wash off you straight away.

That is unbelievably awful.

Get rid of her, cease all contact.

Has she always been like this?

omg, how spitefull, nasty and warped is she , i would cease contact with her and if she does make contact, be damn sure any contact is on your terms only. nobody deserves what you have been put through, the lady has serious issues!!!!!!!!!!!! dont let her put her own problems and issues on your shoulders. xx

I think she's pretty narcissistic. I pull her up when she is being offensive in front of me/ DH/DS, although DH's family tend to think this is really funny and clear evidence that I am mad and Have Issues With My Mother.

Thankfully we live on the other side of the world from her and most of the year the only contact is the once a week phonecall... after the last visit I resolved never to stay with them again. In the phonecalls I do get to talk with my Dad in a sensible way, albeit for not very long.

The allergy thing is ... hmm. She doesn't believe in it. She thinks it's really funny to try to jolly people out of these things and try to trick them into not noticing eating something they claim to be allergic to. She has done it for years with my dad too.

jesus - lovey cut her off completely - I would have had her up on attempted murder for the allergy gift. Witch.

Rip up the card and send it back to her in an envelope with a note saying 'You can shove this up your bum'. Then don't bother communicating with her. She's a twat.