words in Lonely hearts columns that put you off.

[2rebecca]

Reading the Lonely hearts column whilst eating dinner (bloke out and I'm one of those antisocial people who loves to eat and read, and drink)
it struck me there were definite word phrases that shrieked "no, avoid like the plague" when reading them.

Examples are "tactile" man seeks... Do some women like men who can't stop groping?

"hurt in past" why would any bloke think this was unusual or a selling point? Masochists who like moany men only need apply.

"likes animals"....the mind boggles

"seeks caring and understanding woman" sounds like he needs a therapist not an equal partner.

"seeks 5ft 2 in woman" ????

You do wonder when you only have a few sentences to sell yourself in why some folk put such strange stuff in.

I can see why speed dating and online dating have taken over.

I know this is not strictly from dating adverts, but i deteste when you see: "A superb team player, equally comfortable working on my own initiative". It's such a wooly catch-all, it doesn't actually mean anything!!

oops an extra 'e' worked its way into my post

I read a lonely hearts in the Brighton Friday ads once that said

"Man seeks woman 18-80, Must have pulse".

I've always wondered if he was actually a genuinely witty guy or just a loon!

"Must be as beautiful on the inside as she is on the outside."

'caring'-only about himself
'gsoh'-think timmy mallet
'solvent'-cocklodger
'shy'-like hell he is
'tactile'-octopus
'sporty'-of the sky channels variety only
'genuine'-who is he kidding?
'cuddly'-morbidly obese
'stocky'-another term for obese
'no-strings'-married
'loving'-shagger

Shine, not that you're on a roll here or anything. And impressed by the alphabeticising. ROFL .

I want to save the coypu! They're cute!

"Genuine", that's a point, what does "genuine guy" actually mean? Has completed gender realignment surgery and now has certificate to prove it is his own dick?

It's like with car adverts, "genuine reason for sale" could just as easily mean "genuinely sick of the number of times it's broken down in the last month". Presumably if they don't say "genuine reason" the assumption is that they're quite happy to lie to you.

I think 'no time wasters' means 'still seething over last 20 shite dates and all those b*tches who didn't reply to my emails'

I thought "no time wasters" meant "you will be expected to shag on the first date", but you may well be right. It's just as unattractive either way.

I now have tears of larfter running down my face

oh yes that line
no time wasters-i'm a sad,twisted fucker who gets pissed off if you don't do as i say/want
and i'll bore you shitless with tales of hideous exes

cant believe nobody has mentioned SINGLE MUMS WELCOME.

see full ads in croydon advertiser

"No bunny boilers" - makes me want to boil more than their bunny.

anyone looking for "a lady who enjoys wearing high heels".

oh and:

5'8" = 5'6"
5'6" = 5'4"

short means < 5'4"

never understand why men lie about their height - pretty obvious when you meet them!

Yes, I agree Annie Get Your...."Genuine Male" as opposed to what? A transsexual?

Any ad where a man compares himself to a car (ie: vintage 1964 model, loves the open road, seeks caring lady owner....gneeehhhh!)

"Seeks Japanese/ French/ black lady": is this even legal?

"Looking for vivacious lady, size 12 or under...". Double gneeehhhh!

I would love to know how many responses some of these get....

Gentleman looking for a lady to treat like a princess.

Traditional values - get thee in the kitchen wench.

So not attractive.

To be fair to the men, the women's descriptions aren't much better! I always think "exotic" means hairy.

The most offputting thing anyone could say is that kind of "I'm mad, I am!" bollocks. No, you're not. You're Ian from accounts. Wearing a bit of tinsel round your tie in december doesn't make you mad, or interesting. Grow up.

Spotted one recently that mentioned the bloke was a Fathers for Justice activist. Is that really a selling point?