I once had a relationship. his willy made a baby

[LovinSealcracker]

I am bloody freezing cold. I have had three glasses of wine. I have no idea what to make ds for his tea. I bought a new britax car seat yesterday and it cost 130 quid. (last one was a tenner from NCT sale and was crap)

I want to go out but I have nobody who can babysit.

Want an indian takeaway but cant afford one. No way.

Want to have a long hot bath but have to get ds up.

Ex bastard h ...well, that's enough of him

I dont cope well on my own and yet actually cope bloody amazingly. H ran away a year and a half ago.
The xmas tree is up. ds (2yrs) has a thomas tank engine chocolate-giving advent calendar. Yes, bad sweet message but he is in heaven.

I went to asda today and bought Roses chocs for 2 pounds as presents. Bad. Not like the old days.....ha ha

I hate saying 'I' as nothing has been about 'I' since ex bastard h farked off and I still feel selfish bitch for thinking about myself.

I have made a pork curry for my tea.

But I have the marathon to climb until then. Washing, hanging out, get ds up, play, tea (???pasta??,) more play,
chuggington,
bob builder,
waybuloo,
Mister Maker,
'Iam a Shape...I AM A TRI-ANG-GUL'

I am 45 ffs.

I dont have shitty ex-p giving me the weebles but I am perfectly able to do that to myself.

No help. No support. No Family. No cashews. No bleedin idea really.

They were my boyfriends, kat. Out in the open. I met them all in the climbing world, of which I was a part.

They were generous boyfriends, I'll grant .

But nothing secretive about it at all. All parties were free agents at the time. I was not their patient.

Just they made a lot more money than I did and when I has a spot of bother and they asked me what was wrong, well, I just said and they offered.

I wish DH could buy me a new car....I was kidding by the way, just a bit tiddly....sorry

How are you feeling now sweetheart?

OP,I know who you are as well and I've been thinking about you recently.

You are a very talented woman who writes extremely well. I think you should write a novel about what we with the twunt exes have been through. Not as cliched as Roddy Doyle's The Woman Who Walked Into Doors (poor and violent, yada yada) and not token posh bird like that recent TV series. You're the one who could do it.

I'm on my own with 4 (2 under 2) X is also a (philandering) twunt.

I daren't open a bottle for fear of falling in and drifting away on a sea of oblivion!

Not that I've go the time but sometimes I write too, pooh-etry.

Retain that GSOH, OP! The future awaits

I am in DISGUISE FGS

Need to get a new life beard. this one is damp

laughing on the floor at some of the posts on here. hully, prammy, fucka, posh (sounds like a soho law firm ha)

its froiydee arent we sacred virgins allowed a lill BoF?

geordie, I have been mucho fine but xmas, the smell of tinsel, nappies and trying to turn the car round in mud brings it back.
also, have chronic insomnia again but think it's because have come off the ADs and supppose body is readjusting. cant ask my GP as obviously he is on top of me

ecomouse, lets share poo-etry:

Am small
Am tall
Can drink
Can blink
at the size of my dads shoes

when he swings'em
I duck

I pluck up the courage
to ask postie for a date
I love his bag
and his shorts
and the way he torks
all his hellos and how are yous.
Want to be in his shoes

doing the rounds.
All those dads out of bounds
(he's a modern postie
in my head,
with modern clients,
all willies and Head)

run out of ideas

Just the one then

Amazonian Prophecy
Via a patriarchal legacy
In trying to control our right to progeny
Created pseudo males, you see?

Started in the free sixties
A pill to hinder fertility
(Create responsibility free shagability)
Led to a rise in infectivity

But beyond it's effect on congaitivity
It stifled longevity
For the women, who took it to be safe

Interfered with nature progressively
'til breeding delayed inevitably
Encouraged cancers which usually
Are fought off, by feeding post pregnancy

Yet beyond cancers and infectivity
A point overlooked most pertinantly
By the patriarchal creators of this toxicity

Is that due to what goes in must come out(ery)
And the life and nature of it's potency
Oestrogen would at some point be drunk by men

Appreciate the idiosyncracy?
The highly polluted irony?
The obvious polarity
From what should have been the finest hour of patriarchy?

A drug created under the guise of making women free
(But intending directly oppositely)
Is creating lakes of He fish to be She

And almost inevitably
(Amazonian prophecy)
Fairly soon, the same will happen to our men.

blimey that's far too intelligent for a dunce like me.
Very good!

My turn:

There once was a man from Japan
Whose limericks never would scan
When told this was so
He replied 'Yes I know
but I always try to get as many words into the last line as ever I possibly can'