lone parents thread is terrifying

[LovinSealcracker]

Do you ever read it? Its bloody tragic.

Erm, which bit in particular ??

read it?! I'm on it

Some mums do get a shit time . Lots of nasty XH / P's out there.

personally i find the relationships section more tragic,but there ya go!!!

I have read some bits and see in the majority a lot of feisty women who are admirably coping with parenting alone.

(I have had long periods of being an honorary lp whilst other half hospitalised for long spells (8 months longest time) and have nothing but total respect for the lps on here.)

To OP - you're point being?

2 years ago it wouldn't have even crossed my radar as a topic, and if I read a LP thread from the title I would think "thank god I'm not on my own".

Oh how life changes!

Welcome to MN by the way. Interesting start.

welcome to mn

that's very true IloveTiffany! I find the relationships board FAR more depressing.

I'm proud of myself that I (eventually) put down the foot and walked away from a crap. A lot of women prefer crap behind closed doors and the facade of normality. That saddens me!

Obviously if you have a happy marriage, then I'm not talking about YOU, but I feel sorry for people who dont' have happy marriages and are so afraid of being single... that's more 'pitiful' imo..

actually as a LP i think the section is great
mostly because it has lone mums and dads who have been thru no end of horrendous crap BUT have had the courage to go it alone and tho it's hard we're getting there(tho sometimes slowly!)
IMO i find the relationships section truly sad as i often look at truly irrelevent petty stuff(won't mention said threads!) and i think WTF get a life! or i read some sad sad threads of people desperate to get out but not quite having the bottle to do it.
to me that's tragic

Reality - couldn't have put it better myself although I like to think that I have now moved slowly from the 'bloody tragic' to just 'tragic' and will soon be gliding triumphantly onto 'only tragic sometimes'!

(If I didn't know better I would say my exH was your exH)

And people wonder why some lp's have low self esteem, when people think their lives are tragic.

On the whole, being a lp is shit, but as others have said, it is alot better than being in a crap relationship.

Did you mean 'tragic' regarding some awful experiences that some of them had before separation (domestic violence etc)?

Or did you mean 'tragic' regarding their present life and status? (i hope not).

I agree with Tiffany.

Anyway, the word that comes into my mind when i read the section is 'inspirational', not 'tragic'. I think some posters should read the threads. The ones who post things like 'i have a baby and need to go from piccadili to Leicester Square, do you think i can manage ALl ALONE, shouldn't my dh help me...?. That's 'tragic'.
And i know a couple who always change nappy together! . None of them can do it alone. How tragic is this?

Ive been single mum for 7 years now. With no family or freinds support cos I have none. Is that tragic to you OP?
I have limited financial means, and a DD1 with behavoiural problems, and a DD2 with le
arning difficulties....is that still tragic?

I drink too much, and don't sleep very much, and grapple a lot with depression and meds.

Wihtout those meds, I probably would have killed myself...is that still tragic?
Wanna come walk in my shoes for a while?

I am absolutely sick and tired of LP's getting such a bad rap. We do our best, and as long as my heart beats and I have air in my lungs - it's all ok.
With such unsupportive exes who pay very little, and see bugger all of thier kids, it's hard to get a job, and it's us who carry the can. For ourselves, for our kids, and to fight to keep the roof over our heads, even to find the next meal...

If you think that's tragic, that;s tough shit....go back to your Boden!

I love being a single mum. yes it's lonely at times. but it's also fantastic. DS is coming on so well and it's all due to MY hard work.

the enormaty of it can be hard yes - the whole it's only me to deal with everything. it's hard, it's a juggling act but if I had a choice of as I am now or as I was with XH i'd pick this every day of the week.

besides which the relationships can be harder - least we have the choice now if to get involved with someone not be stuck in the relationship!

*thesouthbelle" - I'm with you. I'm a single parent (has been that way all along) and although it can be lonely and it is very, very hard work I wouldn't change it unless someone really incredible pops up (and I'm not looking).

My DD and I can do what we like, when we like and I can lavish all the love and attention on her that I want without some sulky man getting the huff!

I work full time, get no benefits except Child Benefit that everyone gets. I'm making this point not because I am fed up with a lot of the assumptions around LPs. Not, I might add, that I resent anyone who does receive benefits. If I had two children, I couldn't afford to work full time because the childcare costs would be horrendous.

Anyway, sorry this is a bit long, but I think we get a bad press, blamed for the ills of society and are generally treated with suspicion when we really just want to do the best parenting job that we can in sometimes difficult circumstances.

Sorry, meant "making this because I am fed" etc the not got left in when I changed how I wrote the sentence.

Tragic is a word that sometimes gets misused - say when used in place of sad or upsetting. I don't think the OP should be flamed quite as much as I have read here just for using it!

There are lots of sad or upsetting stories on Mumsnet. If you get involved with a typical school, perhaps as a governor, I can promise you will hear others equally sad but with the major difference that you can help do something about the school ones.

And that is about as good as it gets!!

What a patronising OP. I'm sure lone parents don't want or need your sympathy.

Sorry, I read the thread and got upset and went straight to bed!

I mean tragic in the upsetting sense and frightening sense. I myself am a TOTALLY lone parent and I thank my luck bloody stars that my beastly bastard exh is not around at all anymore. I get no maintenance either. He did a runner. That was that.

I too love being a LP most of the time. I say most because at other times it is overwhelming and terrifying.

I actually find the LP thread difficult to read and post on because - like relationships thread I guess - there are lots of sad stories on it and people struggling and needing help and support.

I suppose that those LPs who are actually doing really well, no money probs to speak of and no foul exps to screw up their lives, aren't going to post.

I could do with an uplifting thread for all of us LPs who aren't finding it easy but are managing to enjoy life AND cope (with the help of wine and ADs!!)with the frightening overwhelming parts. Maybe there has been one and I haven't seen it.

Sorry, I certainly did not mean to sound critical in any way at all. It was a crap, unexplained post and I was in my cups at the time.

I probably shouldn't be writing about LPs on the relationships thread anyway

For what its worth, I too now enjoy being on my own with DS for all the reasons others have said - I no longer have to cope with a miserable, lying fraud of an H, I enjoy every moment of my son's company (he is 2) and am very proud of what I have achieved.

It nearly killed me when h left us. I had and still have, no family support at all, but I am so lucky to have good friends who are a total lifeline.

I cannot put into words how much I love my boy and what is frightening is the future: will I stay alive long enough to see him through college/til he is old enough to look after himself, how the hell am I going to cope financially, what happens if I break a leg/get cancer etc...will SS take him from me? If ds dies (macabre thought I know but I do think it) how on earth will I carry on, life wouldn't be worth living...

I find LP thread hard to read as some of the scenarios scare the living daylights out of me because they might happen to me and ds!

op,glad you came back to explain!!

yes,we all worry what could happen,but most people in relationships have the same fears too....its not exclusive to us

if you fall and break your leg then i hope you have a mumsnetter or too locally....we would all help!!

aww thanx. I wonder if such frightening thoughts are normal among lps? If I thought about it all too much I would never be able to sleep at night.

I do try to balance the scary thoughts with all the many positives about doing it alone.
There are other lps around me here but they mostly have families for help and babysitting, and who can take the dcs for an afternoon just to let the mums sleep or do the housework which is an ongoing headache. I work five days a week from half nine to half two and am knackered all the time.

I go stir crazy in the evenings as I very rarely go out. (Thank god for X Factor and Im a Celebrity at the moment.)

I have to be super bloody organised over the big things like bills and house repairs and then make sure all the little things get done - bins out, humping bags of coal in, feeding the dogs, cleaning out the fish, endless washing and hanging out etc.
they are normal everyday things we all have to do. But it is relentless on your own. And I only have ONE dc. Hats off to lps with more. I don't know how they cope.

I try not to think about xh lying in his bloody hammock or I get very angry and upset!

I get stressed a LOT. But at the same time I am 100% happy to have ds and to be giving him the best sort of life I can.

I will shutup now as this is the wrong thread for this

I became a lone parent on the 24th aug

neil was killed in a car crash

I have 3 girls 9,4 and 2

I'm scared to venture onto the LP topic incase I'm not welcome

Nobody appointed me spokeswoman for the LP thread, but Trinity, I can't imagine for a second that anyone would say you are unwelcome. A lot of the topics are about (entirely justified) complaints about rotten exes and their failure to take responsibility for their dcs, so these may not be helpful to you, but of course a lot of the issues around going it alone will be relevant.

Sorry for your loss, btw. How horrendous.