Trinity, I worried about that too (posting too much). I posted constantly to start with, as I couldn't face going outside my house for a few months. I had very little RL human contact really apart from DS and he was 6 months.
I had to go out of course, to sort out legal and financial stuff but it was terrible. I couldn't look at men's faces; I had man-phobia as my 'man' had done something so bloody traumatic to me. I didn't trust anyone. I bumped into other mums who had been in post-natal groups and had to explain what had happened. I cried so much and lost stones in weight.
I poured it all out on here (as well as ringing my friends..all my best friends live far away) and nobody got sick of me. Or if they did they didn't ever say so.
I was in physical pain the terror and shock was so bad. But people on here had ideas for calming me down. They said many, many things that helped me tremendously and still help me now.
I needed MN so much. If just one person on here had been even a bit off with me it would have been very difficult to cope with but they were all what I called 'ethereal angels.'
The people that supported me and stuck with me through it all on here had often been through similar trauma and come out the other side. They had invaluable advice but also - as another poster just said - they sort of held my hand. They promised me I would survive. Said I would feel better eventually. Silly things like that.
Never be afraid to post. Middle of the night, (god knows I did as I had chronic insomnia for three months) or whenever.
At least that is my experience of MN in a crisis.
I had a shit night last night which is why I posted the (misconstrued) 'lp thread is tragic' at the beginning of this thread. Shit nights/evenings are so much fewer now though.
Your terrible trauma and loss only happened three and a bit months ago. That is nothing. You are doing well to just be able to switch a computer on and write anything frankly.
I needed people to help me literally put one foot in front of another. What should I cook ds for tea? How do I get rid of this huge knot in my stomach? I cannot turn the car around without having a panic attack...
Honestly, I never thought I would stop feeling so damn terrible. I was still a 'wife' too which hurt and was unfathomable.
I think if we can survive these sort of experiences then we must be quite strong. But I needed a LOT of BIG help to do it.
I am burbling now but I do hope it is of some comfort. You will cry at Christmas most probably. Just go with it. You wouldn't be a sentient, loving human being if you didn't cry.
Balloon
trying to put that old persona behind me and be the new Proper Lone Parent! And not get so bloody afraid of that. Last night I had a big wobble! The pissing, permanent rain doesn't help.