im so confused!

[Scavo]

can anyone please give me some advice as i am going out of my head!
have been with dh for 14yrs now, married for 8 we have 2 fantastic kids, and life is pretty good, my problem is i think i am falling in love with another man. we met about 3 months ago at a party, and became really good friends, we've been e mailing, texting and speaking on the phone since then and have grown very very close. 2 weeks ago we met at another party and shared the most fantastic kiss i have ever had it just felt like i had come home, finally met my sole mate as crazy as that sounds!
we both want to meet again, and see where it takes us, he's married too, neither of us want to hurt anyone but we long to be together,
i do love my dh but we've become like brother and sister at this stage, there arent any sparks flying nor have there been for years now
Please help me make a decision
Anyone?

Either a) cut contact with this other man immediately and concentrate on your DC's and DH - or b) carry on with him and see what happens.

If b) - you will hurt your family (and his) so don't have any illusions there.

I've been married for 10yrs and IMO the relationship goes through brother/sister phases and then swings back to normal.

My advice would be to delete his number after sending him a text saying your marriage is more important than a fling.

No such thing as a 'sole mate' or a soul mate for that matter.

Nothing anyone here says will change what you are about to do.

You may get away with it.

thanks busy butterfly, i know what the right thing to do is, i really do, but i long for a little excitement, and i get that from him, if no one ever knew then no one will get hurt? thats where im at atm,
is that possible? to just have one night, and then finish it?

It will end in tears (I talk from experience).

you sound v immature (imo). you have already crossed a line and been unfaithful. dont you think you should decide what you want to do about your marriage first? what would your attitude be if you found out your dh had behaved in this way??

You've had a kiss, and that wasn't enough.

Think very, very carefully about what you do next. It is not worth it.

Agree in that you've already been unfaithful so don't think that you haven't been. You crossed the line.

the thing is i'm normally very sensible and have never ever done anything like this before, im not immature, naive or gullible and i didnt set out to do anything like this.. it just happened (cliche i know)
its eating at me and i cant seem to think of anything else but him, he's on my mind 24/7
i know in my heart its wrong and i should end it right now before it goes any further, just cant bring myself to do it...

it didn't "just happen". you decided to behave like this. as i said you sound v immature...

Do it now. End it. You'll get over him.

thanks bb, and controlfreaky, when i grow up i want to be just like you!

you're welcome.

A friend of mine a few years ago had exactly the same thing happen with a work colleague. They had an affair for 6 years, and eventually .... they ended up being like brother and sister. although she swore he was the love of her life, the one thing that was missing etc etc it eventually wore off. She's so glad that her husband never found out and is quite happy with him and her DCs now.

I, on the other hand, left my husband because I knew our marriage just wasn't good enough. I think you have to really consider whether or not you'd leave him if this new man hadn't appeared on the scene. If the answer is no, then you shouldn't see this man any more, but concentrate on your marriage. If things have already started going wrong in your marriage, then think about what you should do about that first, then think about your other man. Taking it further will only lead to heartache, one way or another. It may seem unbearable now, but things could get an awful lot worse. Not trying to sway you one way or the other, but just be cautious.

there have been times over the past few years that ive considered ending my marriage and stuck with it for the sake of dcs, generally i get on wit dh, but its almost like we're just existing, ive tried to make it better and he doesnt seem to listen, we're ok for a while and then back to square 1 again,
MGB you've been a great help.. thanks everyone
think ive made up my mind to end it before it gets out of hand.. carry on being miserable..

End it with dh if you're miserable or speak to him about it, you only live once but make sure you're doing the right thing.

Marriage is blooming hard work but look what you have from it already (2 beautiful DC's).

Well worth sticking at if you've managed that so far!

yeah.. i know.. just being very stupid and got caught up in the whole notion that im missing something, and long for excitement and romance
but this aint the movies is it..
ive just sent a text to him now ending it and have asked him not to contact me again..
will try and work on marriage, give it another shot and see if i can wake dh up a bit!
oh the joys..
thanks for all advice, think i knew already what needs to be done but needed an ear or 2 to tell me how stupid i am!

Shall we talk about something happier now and try and take your mind off it?

that'd be good bb..

sole mate?

Ho ho purpleduck!

Scavo um, whereabouts are you? (I just like to get an idea of what you'd sound like in RL!) I'm in SE.

Dublin

i know purpleduck.. my terrible MISTAKE i.e sole not soul has already ben pointed out

So Scavo. Have just been looking for something for my DD to wear at Christmas. Have you got anything sorted?

no bb, im terribly unorganised as a rule! last minute mini.. thats me! how many dcs do you have?