how will i mix by new relationship with the rest of my life........

[mixingthetwo]

Ive been in a new relationship for a few months and things are going really well. Ive started telling people im seeing someone and i know there will come a point when friends and family are going to want to meet him.
herein lies the complication.
Its a bit of an alternative relationship in that its D/s. Now im very happy with this, or else i wouldnt be doing it, and am having the most wonderful fun. But i dont know how im going to reconcile the the two areas in my life without the raising of questions or eyebrows!

what D/s ??

What is D/S? Excuse my naivety...is it some sort of S&M thing?

Sounds intriguing .... But I also have to add a ?

Dominance/submissive ( BDSM )

Um...... still no wiser.

Do other people have to know about that?

i dont get why other people would need to know about your sexual relationship - whether it is d/s or anything else. I would just want to know my friend/sister/cousin etc is happy in her new relationship - not the sexual details!

Do your family have to know the inner-workings of your sex life? Or are you leading him around on a dog lead?

The problem being that the D/s is not just contained within the bedroom, but sort of covers everything...
i cant see how i can mix the two sucessfully.

could you not 'tone it down' when your family are around?? what do you do infront of the kids (not sure if you have dc's ??)

i wouldnt be salivating all over my DH (in fact havent done that in quite sometime anyway!!!) in front of my parents etc.

not sure how the whoel d/s relationship works, but for the sake of others - if you are worried about their opinion - i would not 'illuminate' that side of the relationship as much.

It sounds pretty immature, to be honest. Sorry, but that's my blunt answer. You both need to be able to function independently as grown ups in the outside world (at the bank, in the post office, at a family dinner etc) without wearing your sexual preferences on your sleeve.

If you can't manage that then, no - I can't see how you can mix your relationship with the real world outside your bedroom.

Why would anyone need to know? Like MrsMattie says, you won't be able to go through your entire relationship wearing your preferences on your sleeve.

That is assuming this is not a wind-up post of course. Personally I think someone's finished homework early and just killing time.

I agree. Please tell us this is a joke.

I think we need actual details so we can laugh advise accordingly.

Just leave the gimp mask at home - don't wear it into the office or for Sunday lunch with the 'rents!

are you the new andy and lou?

Can't you just do a vanilla greet n meet? or is there no vanilla option?

Most people who have successful long term D/S relationships are capable of being discreet in vanilla company. The ones who have to make a big deal of it to everyone are usually a bit insecure or immature or up themselves.
Some people find it actually very enjoyable to have little secret passwords and gestures and stuff that they can do sneakily when out in company (in the same way that some couples like things like the DW going commando and only her H knowing or whatever).

However, if you are new to the whole BDSM world and your new P is, for instance, insisting that you follow him around on all fours all the time then it's possible that he's actually a bit of a knobber.

You sound like an idiot.I hope you don't have kids.

nice to see the famous MN support is out in spades... wtf is wrong with you lot? You know, not everyone is the same! It is quite possible to have a D/s relationship and have a happy family life...

Sound advice as per, Solid

You should be able to tone it down in public. People will accept one person being more in charge than the other.

Is there anything in particular you don't feel you'll be able to keep private?

My Dsis's partner whistled at her repeatedly while over for an afternoon.

Not wolf whistles, dog whistles.

Shepherd and mutt.

I didn't recognise my Dsis in her submission to him. It was difficult to witness.

He is a knobber.

I could have quite happily knee'd him in a place by a similar name by the end of the day.

EcoMouse: he sounds like a prize wanker. Has your sister actually told you that they are in a D/s relationship, or is he just a rude pillock? (Of course, the answer could be 'both', sadly just being into BDSM is no guarantee that a person isn't a bully or a wanker. While there are varying opinions on the 'best' way to conduct BDSM relationships, the vast majority of people into that scene agree that both/all participants should have agreed to what's going on and be enjoying it, and that being a 'submissive' doesn't mean you have to put up with things you don't like. So if your Dsis does consider it a BDSM relationship, the most supportive thing you could do might be to encourage her to socialise on the BDSM scene.)

I don't get it, I just don't get it ????

Are these people just such total exhibitionists that they cannot keep their sexual posturings for their own private enjoyment?

< wanders away, confuddled >