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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

A supportive thread for those that have left and going it alone.

72 replies

Knickers0nMaHead · 15/11/2009 20:23

thought it might be a good idea to have a thread running. For advice, to moan, rant and whatnot.

Bit of background with me. I have two dcs and left exp after realising he would never change his ways. I moved on the 31st oct, ds 1st birthday and although there are times I wonder why, I am so glad I left.

Feel free to say as much, or as little as you like and I hope this thread can be of some help to anyone.

OP posts:

Mamazon · 17/11/2009 18:04

NSPCC run a fantastic group therapy session for children of DV. But just not in my area sadly. the lady that ran it left after being away on maternity leave and they just haven't found the funding to replace her

BBBUTTTTT ladies.
On an incredibly exciting note, Mehdi has given me an idea and i think it is so fantastic i am going to run with it. som im announcing it here before approaching MNHQ to see if we can get some proper support.

basically i have a blardy huge cupboard thahts doing nothing. I want, with the help of you fabulous mumsnetters ( i will also be asking freecyclers) i want to fill it with small items that can be used to put "first days" boxes together. the idea being, when us ladies first leave we either do so with literally nothing and in which case need the bare essentials like nappies/clothes/kettle etc or we plan it all out and are so stressed by it all that we just need a bit of tlc so a box of things like chocolates and a bottle of wine.

If i could source these bits and pieces and store them, when someone was in thaht situation i could put them together a box from theh store cupboard and forward it to them.
It would ease the pressure for just a few days at least.

what do you think???

Original poster

Knickers0nMaHead · 17/11/2009 19:19

That seems like a fantastic idea, but, im cynical, and always suspicious. It could draw trolls in.

OP posts:

mehdismummy · 17/11/2009 19:34

i think its an amazing idea

mehdismummy · 17/11/2009 19:35

lets do it!!!

Original poster

Knickers0nMaHead · 17/11/2009 19:41

Ignore my last comment, I shouldnt be thinking like that please let me know if I can help with anything.

OP posts:

Mamazon · 17/11/2009 19:42

Knickers - its ok. its a fear shared by many. I have posted abotu it on the other thread.

Mehdi - It was your idea!!!

mehdismummy · 17/11/2009 19:51

thats why its good lol!!!! but it was just an idea but there is no i in team x

Original poster

Knickers0nMaHead · 18/11/2009 02:40

Feeling quite down toniht. Ds wont sleep and i am shattered.

OP posts:

slim22 · 18/11/2009 05:28

MEHDISMUMMY, have not been on mumsnet for months and just found this thread.

Remember previous conversations and sad (but not surprised) to see it has come to this.

Just sending you and all others here lots of love.
Mamazon, your idea (other thread) is brilliant. I now live on other side of the planet so not much help I can give, just encouragement.

take care.

mehdismummy · 18/11/2009 06:35

slim you old bugger u, how the devil are you? nice 2 c u x
knickers hope you ok this am

slim22 · 18/11/2009 10:14

Nice to c u 2, sorry about your circumstances.
DS is going on 6 and DD born since we moved to Asia, she is 18 mths and a rules our household basically. She roars rather than talks and thus keeps her brother in check.
Good fun.
Back to work quite quickly after she was born and DH now works a lot from home so very grateful.

Big kiss to Mehdi from us. Just saw his pics, terribly handsome.

AboardtheAxiom · 19/11/2009 09:02

urgh. DS was sick last night all over our double airbed, blankets, carpet, etc a thick gloopy stinky sick everywhere in the middle of the night and no where else to sleep. Continued being sick and is still palelookign this morning so another day off school.

Had to scrub everything with zoflora disnifectant, turn airbed over and get back on it.

Wish everything didn't take so long to sort out. If we had had our own beds and duvets and so on the situation would have been much more easy to deal with and pleasant.

How is everyone else today??

simpson · 19/11/2009 22:34

aboard - hope your DS ok now

Knickers - how are you doing now??

All ok here, just plodding along

Original poster

Knickers0nMaHead · 21/11/2009 09:38

Same as you, just plodding along.

ata, hope ds is better now.

OP posts:

AboardtheAxiom · 21/11/2009 21:16

Hi simpson and knickers

DS had perked up by lunch time the next day, think it was a combination of stuff going on with him rather than a bug.

How is everyone's weekend going? DSdid his first overnight at daddy's last night so I tried to keep busy to pass the time.

Original poster

Knickers0nMaHead · 21/11/2009 21:26

DD has an overnight tonight. Exp was an hour and half late picking her up though

OP posts:

AboardtheAxiom · 21/11/2009 21:57

That is a long wait for her! What a nob.

simpson · 21/11/2009 22:29

Dcs going to Ireland next weekend

H said he would call next fri to talk over what he needs to get (DD lactose/soya intolerant) when I pointed out that if he called then he would not have time to go out and sort out stuff ie borrowing carseats and DD's food he was like "oh yeah..."

Grrr men!!!

Original poster

Knickers0nMaHead · 26/11/2009 15:43

Simpson, hope this weekend goes as well as it can.

ATA, how are you?

Well, Exp was meant to be coming through today. I have been up most the night with the dcs as they are ill, then I felt ill this morning so he was coming through to give me a bit of respite. I asked him if he could call at the shop for some cigs for me as I didnt want to be dragging the dc's out in the cold just so I could have a fag. He sent a reply saying 'you will have to wait, lol'

I replied saying I am not a child so there is no need to speak to me like one. That I would get the dc's dressed and myslef and trapse to the shop. (I needed bread and milk ayway) and I do not know why I even bothered asking for his help'

Which then turned into him saying I dont understand how depressed he is with what has happened and he knows he has a drink problem.

Cue me saying, it isn't him that has upped stcks and moved. It isnt him that is fetchig up two young children and that he needs to get a grip. He told me to Fuck off so I called him a selfish twat for putting drink and chat sites before us and the kids and that he can piss off because we don't need him

OP posts:

Original poster

Knickers0nMaHead · 26/11/2009 16:05

I have now had a text, 3 hours after his last one, after me asking what was so important that he hasnt come? He said he had too much to drink and fell asleep and he would pick dd up on saturday. Ive told him he wont be picking her up, or having her over night. What if something happens to her and he has had too much to drink so he cannot drive, or he falls asleep. He wont have ds btw. Its too hard to have them both overnight

OP posts:

trace2 · 26/11/2009 19:13

aww knicker why didnt you tell me ill come and see you!

simpson · 26/11/2009 20:45

knickers -

What a world class twunt!!

Can't beleive he won't have both DCs together

Just keep thinking that you are well rid of him!!

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