Boyfriend going on about how beautiful other women are[envy]

[BobDowne]

Hi i need some help! Not sure if it's me being all unreasonable and jealous and needy but this is really pissing me off!
Been separated from emotionally controlling ex for several years, been in first proper relationship since then for almost a year now.
He is a lovely man and i'm in love with him but really not feeling the same back.
In the first few months we were seeing each other he would talk about ex-girlfriends a lot, even what they were like in bed and how pretty they were, etc. I told him i could not handle that and would rather not hear it, so he did rein it in a bit, but now always seems to be lusting after someone on the telly- usually some gorgeous 20 yr old! It makes me feel so unwanted and unloved. I've tried to talk to him about this and he's not very sympathetic, says it's because i've got low self-esteem. I know i have but this really isn't helping!
Shouldn't the early stages of a relationship make you feel all loved up and secure?! Not minging and old.
He does occassionally say nice things to me but never shows his emotions. I try very hard not to get all jealous and needy and just enjoy being with him but i'm not doing very well.
Sorry it's a long one - any thoughts?

Bob - he is very loving (both verbally and in terms of affection) and if it wasn't for that, I can't imagine why I would bother. If he said I was ugly, as opposed to loked ugly in a picture, I couldn't handle it. As it is, I try to keep a sense of perspective - everybody thinks the pictures are great so it's not me, it's him.

Hope the book helps BD.

Thisxgirl, have you tried repeating what he's said to you? Like "so that picture makes me look ugly?" or even mentioning his comment in front of others with him there? I'm glad everything else is right for you otherwise it'd be horrible. I think your dh needs counselling to be honest.

i was in a relationship very similar to this he would point at pretty girls ask me if i wished i looked more like them etc

anyway i eventually had enough my self esteem was so low i spent every day trying to please him and realised he wasn't doing this for me so i finished it i said i realised i was too good for him and he was only putting me down because he wasn't all that

turned out i was in deed everything to him but he as afraid id leave if i realised how pretty i was stupid coz i left anyway lol he was just immature i found someone else who makes me feel beautiful

its natural for men to find other women attractive but not before there own women that is insecurity on there behalf walk no run anyman that puts a women down in that way is insecure of themselves and there woman knowing how good they are and could maybe do better

my man always tells me how great i look and thats a confident man who knows i wont go else where regardless

curiousmama, he has actually made a comment like that in front of other people - I suppose his friends don't feel it's their place to get involved and don't want to pass an opinion on the picture in case it makes it worse? My friends just tell him he's nuts and I look great in said pictures. I casually brought it up with him last night and he said that, because the latest batch were Hallowe'en pictures, it was the fake blood on my face that ruined them . It's just so obvious that he's happy with the pictures of me and DS or me hanging out in our kitchen with a friend, but show him a painting somebody has worked on for weeks and he feels threatened (imagines the guy to look at the pictures he took of me in an unprofessional way, imagines him studying the pictures and then carefully recreating my face on a huge canvas). I explained that another girl, who also has a DP, posed but to him I think painting a portrait of somebody is romantic or something. I don't think he liked the Hallowe'en pictures because I look sexy and fun in them.

I might book us into Relate because we both bring different issues to the table...are relationships ever simple?!

Yes might be a good idea thisxgirl, he needs to hear himself by the sounds of it? Jealousy is never good is it?

Dp and I have a simple relationship but I've had my fair share of problems with others. Exdh and I got on fantastic but it was just friendship in the end, still friends though It took me getting to 40 to be truly happy.

I hope you and BD end up happy.

Thank you curiousmama maybe I have another 15 years before I can achieve a simply content relationship then...still learning!