Always lying, mad, random lies.

[Changedfortoday]

As the name suggests, I'm a name changed regular

OK, so I'm with DP of 10 years, we have a 3yo. We separated for 1.5 years, moved back in together nearly a year ago to try again.

We have a whole heap of crappy relationship issues that even you good ladies couldn't tackle all at once. But the lying thing is coming to a head. Examples:

I've found emails from him recently to people we don't see (old friends, school friends etc) casually claiming to have been in the French Foreign Legion for a few years, to have been running a multi squillion pound business and similar lies. Seriously, the French Foreign Legion.

He constantly lies casually about anything he does. A part time night course is "University", he promotes himself when describing his past jobs (he's currently unemployed) and I'm not just talking a bit of creative writing on a CV.

He lies all the time to me about small things, what he's done that day even. He just seems to find lying as easy as the truth and so lies even when it doesn't matter.

I've tried to be a bit understanding - it's embarrassing and depressing to be unemployed and lying to people you haven't seen for ages is hardly unusual. But the pure fantasist madness of the lies like the French Foreign Legion thing worry me.He just dropped it so casually into a email about Poppy day, how he supported the troops as he had served in the FFL. He also mentioned it wasn't as romantic as everyone thought and that he wouldn't join up again. I mean - WTF?????

Sorry for banging on. Does this seem familiar to anyone?

Look OP you honestly need to walk away. There is nothing you can do about these people. There is nothing AFAIK that ANYONE can do about fixing them, they just carry on, and as they get older and less attractive (is yours gorgeous by any chance? I wonder if the fugly ones simply retreat into their own little worlds a lot sooner because no one ever gives them the benefit of the doubt.) they become more and more isolated because people mostly stop trusting them and start avoiding them. My fantasist XP used to get in touch every few years (it's stopped because I have moved and he is too techno-useless to manage Facebook, I say with fervent hope...) and we would have an amicable chat on the phone... and then he would phone again, and again, and the lies would start again. He's a lovely gentle funny person, not a bully, just completely fucking deluded. I still feel deep pity for him, because it must be pretty horrible inside his head; constant fear of being found out and having to tell one lie after another.
But I don't want him in my life, at all. I can't cope with him. I don't want him near my DS, or me.

I've read this thread yelling 'Mine too, MINE TOO!'. I can't believe there are so many of them. My X got worse and worse over the course of the years we were together. At first I thought it was a bit of a laugh (telling someone he'd won a couple of grand on the lottery) but after we split I discovered he'd told everyone where he was working that his mother had died and that her 'estate' was tied up in legal red tape. Poor old love was still living in her council house at the time.

DD still sees him - it has meant a few disappointments but she now accepts him for what he is.

It's all exactly the reason I gave Dd's father a hard time/questions/3rd degree etc and even so...4 years later, I found him with his floosy Best thing for me personally now is one of two options: Trust NO ONE or avoid men at all costs. So far it's been the latter.

I've had a few dates with someone like this. Claimed he was an officer in the Royal Marines and told detailed storied about Bosnia etc. I then went out with a real RM officer after that who didn't have a clue who he was - despite the fact that ex had said he was stationed at the same base.

We met him one night when we were out and I took great pleasure in introducing them and saying to ex that really the introduction was unnecessary as, of course, they would know each other SO well through work. Complete bulllshitter.

I actually wondered what had happened to him and googled him about a year ago - he has quite an unusual name. I found out he had joined the police but been disciplined by them for wearing medals which he had not been awarded but had told them he had been whilst an RM. That he had then been kicked out of the police after applying for loads of credit cards, using them up to the limit and then telling the credit card companies that someone had ordered them fraudulently in his name - he got a criminal conviction for that. I also think that people who act like that are either mentally ill or sociopathic.

I actually felt a bit sick after reading it all at the thought of what my life could have been like if (god forbid) it had been more than a few dates.

I don't have any good advice at all apart from whether it is worth speaking to your GP?

eh?

CaptainRex I've reported your posts. If you have concerns about a poster you should be contacting MNHQ rather than posting comments like that here.

Thanks Mollie - I have no concerns about LeQueen. I was more pointing out pot calling kettle black

Run - it gets worse - can get dangerous and will get expensive!

Now is that a true story McQueen?

LeQueen - it was, really, quite pant-wettingly funny.

"Real RM": "Oh, I don't think I know you. Are you based at X"?

"Fake RM": "eeerrr.....uuuummmmmmm".

"Real RM": "It's so odd we haven't met and I have never heard of you AT ALL, bearing in mind there are only about 50 officers down there."

"Fake RM": "I have to go to the toilet now.."

Funnily enough, he never came back......

ps - he had also cried when telling me stories about "dead" friends from Bosnia...

Worryingly, I actually think he really believed all of his bollocks and thus was very upset! I think that's where the real problems start.....!

Am really at all these stories.

Why do they all do it?

I wonder if the following ever happens.

SCENE: A tent somewhere in Helmand Province. Five Soldiers are lying on sleeping bags, exhausted, sweaty and clearly traumatised. Gunfire and distant explosions can be heard in the background throughout.

SOLDIER 1: Christ, that was hell.
SOLDIER 2: Yeah
SOLDIER 3: The worst I've seen.
SOLDIER 1: Not the worst I've seen. I've never told you blokes before, but I used to be . . . a Quantity Surveyor.
SOLDIER 4: No!
SOLDIER 1: Yeah. But I don't like to talk about it. The things that happened were just too awful.
SOLDIER 2: [Coughs] I've had a bad past too. I used to be in Insurance. I still wake up screaming.
SOLDIER 3: Insurance? You want to try my old game. Accountancy. [sobs]
SOLDIER 4: Accountant eh? Me too. Tough game. Toughest of the tough. Chartered or Certified?
SOLDIER 3: Chartered.
SOLDIER 4: Bunch of poofs.
SOLDIER 5: I suppose you all worked in . . . offices?
SOLDIER 2: God yeah
SOLDIER 3: Don't remind me
SOLDIER 1: I said I didn't want to talk about it
SOLDIER 5: Well I was out on the road! A Rep. Out there. Home Counties, for God's sake. Where anything could happen. Run out of petrol, phone battery go flat. Anything.
SOLDIER 4: God, mate
SOLDIER 1: I tell you, you're well out of that.

Balloonslayer

That is brilliant - balloonslayer!

In all seriousness, is this more of a male thing that a female thing? Actually, maybe not. I think men prefer the derring do tales which are more easily caught out!