My feed

to access all these features

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting relationship advice. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide.


Sex................Personal question....sorry

49 replies

bouncy · 29/05/2003 10:09

Just wanted to ask people how often do you have sex.

My dp says that 5 times a week or about normal for a couple, I would be happy with once a month, but he seems to demand it almost everyday.

Anyone care you help me out on this.


OP posts:
wobblymum · 29/05/2003 10:19

At the moment I'm 37 weeks preg so the answer is nil right now but when dd comes along, I'll be happy if it eventually gets to 3 times a week, but even that won't be until she's actually sleeping properly!!!

Maybe I'm not expecting much but as long as it's good quality (!!!) and at least once a week, I can't see much wrong.

I read a survey that said most couples who have been together at least 2 years generally don't manage 4 times a week, so 5 might just be pushing it. What about if you tell DP that if he wants it, he should work a bit harder (ie, run you a bath, cook you a nice meal, give you a massage, look after the kids, etc) and then you might feel more like it anyway. Men don't seem to realise that although they have sex to relax, women need to relax to be able to have sex.

aloha · 29/05/2003 10:20

Er, then I'm very much not normal then. He's living in a dreamworld! You must be so fed up! Sex counsellors usually say couples with mismatched sex drives could agree a reasonable compromise between them - say twice a week - of which you instigate one 'session' and he can instigate the other. This gives you both a sense of control over the issue. Thinking about what other people do and don't do is IMO pointless.

M2T · 29/05/2003 10:22

5 times a week!!!! MY GOD! Maybe in the first few weeks of a lustful relationship whilst I was at Uni.
Before ds was born it was once a week, twice at the most!

Now it's less than once a month, although I'd quite like it to be 2 or 3 times a month. Your dh has a very high libido. Certainly don't let him bully you into having sex when you don't want to.

motherinferior · 29/05/2003 10:31

I would love to know where your dh got that stat? OK, so I'm Missis Frigid Pregnant Woman at the moment, but honestly...

anonymous2 · 29/05/2003 10:41

2 or 3 times a month. Plus I'd hazard a guess that a lot of people who have been with each other a fair amount of time are like that as well. Not that I wouldn't like more because I would but in my case it's dh who is less interested.

SoupDragon · 29/05/2003 10:43

I hope my DH doesn't see this thread... 5 times a week?? We did manage that once upon a time but only when desperately TTC

snickers · 29/05/2003 10:43

Aaaah - these statistics that make you feel bad. Probably read it in FHM. Like there's any truth in that mag at all!!! Which reminds me of the old saying that 8 out of 10 statistics are made up on the spot!

I agree with M2B that 5 times a week is only really managed in those early weeks, possibly months of a youthful relationship, when you have the time, and the inclination. The more it's demanded, the less you can want it.

I'm sure there are exceptions to the rule, but I bet there's more women on mumsnet that are with you, than with DP.

Talk to him about it, without getting upset. See if you can reach a compromise that helps to ease the tension.

But to answer your original question, we have sex maybe once a week. Occasionally twice. Often none. As long as it doesn't go for weeks, and we keep communication channels open then we both remain sane. (btw - he would LOVE it 5 times a week I'm sure! However, I think this is also a fantasy - I doubt he could actually manage it )

doormat · 29/05/2003 11:01

If your dp wants it 5 times a week. Ask him to have sex 5 times in one night then!!!!! What would he say to that heehee uuummm droop only joking.
Dp and I manage about 2-3times a week. Sometimes less, sometimes more. All depends on how our libido's click.Sometimes it could be once in a couple of months.(cant do sad face)

Jimjams · 29/05/2003 11:05

5 times a week???? Blood hell not if you're as tired as me!

Heard something very interesting on R2 last week. A relationship counsellor was saying that men and women have the same sex drive, but women take on more than men and are frequently too tired to want sex.

bubbly · 29/05/2003 11:06

Much the same as everyone else although we did have a very good patch when we had decided categorically NOT to have any more kids and just did it for fun again instead of to procreate or wiht the anxiety of potential procreation.

M2T · 29/05/2003 11:08

Exactly my reaction Jimjams!!

Great fact.... like that one lots.

My dp has a very low libido . But even I don't want 'it' 5 times a week.
Very much wishful thinking from the men.

doormat · 29/05/2003 11:20

Jimjams what planet was she on!!!!!!She could of told us something new.
If my dp is too tired to look after kids, do dishes etc then I tell him he is too tired for nookies!!!!That soon gets his bum up and running.

Holly02 · 29/05/2003 13:17

Bouncy his mates have probably been lying through their teeth if he thinks everyone does it 5 times a week. Perhaps at the beginning of a relationship, but that's about it - dh and I are more like once a week!! DH travels with his job, so occasionally it's longer than that.

It's just pure male fantasy that women would want to have sex with them nearly every day of the week. Unfortunately once marriage and kids come along, sex tends to be a much lower priority, especially when you're dog tired.

tallulah · 29/05/2003 13:20

Once a month if he's lucky.....

breeze · 29/05/2003 13:21

Think your Dp may be trying it on a little, 5 times a week as has been said is easily possible in the first throws of a relationship.

In answer to your question, probably 2/3 times a week.

Although like most couple it can be more or less depending on if he has been a good boy

motherinferior · 29/05/2003 14:08

In my experience, back in the days when sex was my favourite recreation, blokes who claim they'd be happy doing nothing but bonk are sadly wrong anyway.

Although I do suspect my poor deprived partner wouldn't mind trying, if he could negotiate huge bump...

Bozza · 29/05/2003 14:47

LOL at Sncikers last sentence...

Rhubarb · 29/05/2003 15:44

I remember the good old days when sex used to be fun! Now it's a case of 'can I be bothered?'. We leave it so long that when we do have sex, it's over with in seconds because he can't last that long! So I see it as a lot of effort for minimal rewards! I've given up trying to explain foreplay to him, with him it's always a case of penalties rather than the full football match.
Doesn't help that I can't get drunk anymore.

Sorry, what was the question anyway?

pie · 29/05/2003 16:51

My libido has always been higher than DHs. At the moment with me being trussed up like a chicken we are managing about twice a week, it was maybe about 3 or 4 times a week before I got pregnant. I have to say this is mainly of my doing. I know how to turn DH on even when he is not in the mood. God, sounds like a force him, but I don't!!!! There are certain little things, like if brush past him with my bum... and then he is mine hehehehehe

He is constantly bewildered about my wanting him so much though, but I think at some chemical level he drives me wild.

When we first met 3 years ago it was even worse. Ok, confession, we met online. I flew over to America to meet him in person to see if it could go anywhere. We didn't leave the hotel room for the whole 5 days I was there, when I met his family I couldn't sit down. But that sort of 5 times a day thing can't possibly last past the intial falling in love/lust thing.

As for you husband Bouncy, don't know where he is getting his facts from, but here is one for him, taken from the Discovery Channel website:

"Adults, on average, have sex about 61 times per year, or slightly more than once a week, according to University of Chicago's National Opinion Research Center....(with) married couples between ages 18 and 29 have sexual relations an average of nearly 112 times per year"

So twice a week is the norm...

Janeway · 29/05/2003 16:58

currently avarages at about once a week but varies from 3 or 4 times in a weekend then nothing for weeks. We're both tired quite frequently and so try to suppliment the full blown events with other intimacies and verbal statements of attraction so we don't loose touch with that side of our relationship through the more tiring times.

I don't think we've managed a regular 5x a week since the first year of being together, not even when trying for ds!

Moomin · 29/05/2003 16:58

On a good week we can manage 3; most of the time it's more like 1, but we have gone several weeks at a time with none, but it never bothers us whichever it is. As long as you're both happy with the frequency, that's all that matters, but it sounds like you & your dp aren't on the same wavelength at the mo. I thought wobblymum's suggestion was good. When you say he "demands" it, is that an exaggeration? If he does, then things might not be so easy to sort out - that sounds like bullying, which is hardly the way for him to seduce you, is it?!

kaz33 · 29/05/2003 17:32

1-2 times a week, sometimes 3.

crystaltips · 29/05/2003 17:50

Can't remember - only do when we're drunk
Seriously though it's feast of famine with us.
Rather than quantity - go for quality.
DH was more than happy with a naughty "quickie" on the kitchen table rather than 5 times a week...... Ooooh ! That's how the baked bean stain got on my back

EJsMum · 29/05/2003 19:09

We probably manage it about once every 14 days, but we do, ahem, 'other things' in between to keep him sweet ! Of course DH would like it more often but we both work, and we have 3 kids who don't know the meaning of the phrases 'privacy' and 'personal space'.

Personally, my sex drive has diminished fairly drastically since the birth of my 3rd and whilst he seems to understand that he does still get frustrated. Poor guy.

M2T · 29/05/2003 20:22

Crystaltips! tut tut.

Where have you been? No wonder you couldn't bake that dessert if you were doing THAT on the kitchen table!

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.