So. I told him I wanted a divorce today.

[abrandnewstart]

Tell me I am doing the right thing

Ten months post seperation.

Have tried to talk and ask where it's going.

I've told him I'm not going through all this again, just to be hurt and find out theres someone else (he assures me he's not). I've told him that I'm not spending anymore time doing this - he either wants to get back together or not, not stay in this separated limbo.

He goes on about how miserable he was, how he thinks being separated is for the best, how he needs his time (we've had 3 years of this, been married for 8, all the while I'm bringing up our child, and he's been off doing all his courses and hobbies, out with his mates and leaving me to be responsible).

So I ask him if he's happy and he says no. So I ask him what he's going to do about it, he says nothing.

So I tell him I want a divorce. He looks shocked and upset. He acts like he can't believe it?!?!?!??!?!??!?!?!?

I can't go through it anymore I feel so awful. tell me I'm doing the right thing.

I was made to feel like it was all my fault (it wasn't) that I made him miserable, my beliefs mad him miserable, he'd missed out on life, he didn't do all he wanted to do blah blah blah.

Help my head is a mess! Give me strength! Is it me or is it strange?

He makes me feel so confused! He is not a horrible guy, but a very very mixed up one and I cant go through it anymore.

It was some kind of free legal aid service - I gave them all the info and they're calling me back today/tomorrow with their advice as to what I need to do. THey can provide me with other help should I need it.

It was quite distressing for me to go through it all. Felt like such a failure.

I just feel at my wits end.

Today I just want to be in bed

You are not a failure, your stupid wanker of a H is.

You have done everything you could to save your marriage. He is the one behaving so badly. Don't be so hard on yourself.

Do something good today, do something for you. Do you have a friend who you could meet for coffee? Get out of the house, take a walk and have coffee and a chocolate cake in a nice cafe.

I have just read this thread and wanted to say that you musn't feel like a failure.

Something clearly had to give and calling the Legal Aid people was a very proactive and sensible thing to do. Problems need to be acted on, not ignored. Sadly, you married a man who prefers to bury his head in the sand. If you hadn't picked up the phone, you would be staring at another three years of misery and confusion caused by his childish inability to cope with being a father and a husband.

IMO he's stuck in his life and in his personal growth and development. There's no reason why you should be stuck with him. If anybody has failed then he has.