Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Flip

1 2

Original poster

Is this funny?

41 replies

scubadoo · 25/10/2009 12:18

My DH made a joke about putting me in hospital. I felt like he'd threatened me and I was upset because I had been joking about going out in a short dress (basically a fitted shirt) and he spoilt what was meant to be a lighthearted conversation. He's just unpleasant to be around now.

OP posts:

RealityBites · 25/10/2009 12:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Tortington · 25/10/2009 12:20

depends on the context and tone.

a-la peter kay " get back you bastards or i'll break yer legs"

really depends on tone

Tortington · 25/10/2009 12:21

however if you feel threatened thats what counts.

ShinyAndNew · 25/10/2009 12:25

What custy said. DH used to do that to me. He now knows that any such 'joke' will be met with an icy stare and he won't get sex for a month. He would never actually hurt me and for some reason, known only to him, the threats were 'funny' and he was 'only messing about'

You know him best. Do you think he meant it? How would he react if you really did wear a short dress? It's upto you what length skirt you wear.

Original poster

scubadoo · 25/10/2009 12:39

No, I was joking, the shirt was hip length so obviously far too short, and I had tights and boots on. I asked in a vacant manner "'ja 'fink ma dress is too shor' ?" and he said, abruptly "yes!" so I said "I'm joking" to which he answered "I know you are because if you weren't you'd be in hospital!" WTF!

OP posts:

littleducks · 25/10/2009 12:52

hmmm
hospital as in 'insane'? that could be an unfunny joke
but hospital as in i'd batter the shit out of you as you are my property is not even an unfunny joke

poshsinglemum · 25/10/2009 16:22

i don't think it's funny in any context really. Is this a one off?

If it's becoming a pattern be very careful.

Original poster

scubadoo · 25/10/2009 19:17

He didn't mean a mental hospital. He has made other threats before, like threatening to leave me or find someone else, but never directly threatened my person before. He has also recently hidden some of my mail.

OP posts:

Doha · 25/10/2009 19:48

Why are you still with this twat who has made threats to you... Now he is hiding your mail--whatever next ??

Let him leave he is an arse.

overmydeadbody · 25/10/2009 19:52

So he regularly makes these low level threats to keep you in your place?

And he hides your mail?

Do you want reassurance that this is normal because you are going to stay with him or are you thinking of actually doing something about it and confronting it?

halfcut · 25/10/2009 19:56

sounds like a right charmer

slimeoncrazydemon · 25/10/2009 20:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

ObsidianBlackbirdMcNight · 25/10/2009 20:22

That doesn't sound like a joke at all. He's communicating to you that the only reason he has not hospitalised you is that you toe the line and dress as he says. That's an awful, threatening and abusive thing to say. It shows a really awful, disrespectful, violent attitude.

SolidGhoulBrass · 25/10/2009 20:24

Do you have DC with this man? Are you financially dependent on him? If no to both, what are you waiting for, leave tonight. If you have DC and/or no money, ring WOmen's Aid for help, support and practical advice. BUt don't ignore this, he is going to get worse, not better. He will be hitting you within a couple of months. Has he starteed 'accidentally' bumping into you or treading on your toes yet?

AboardtheAxiom · 25/10/2009 20:25

blimey what a knob end!

agree with everyone else kat's post sums it up well. Hiding your mail too?! Has he always been like this?

Original poster

scubadoo · 25/10/2009 23:31

He seems to be getting worse. I am studying at the moment and he's been unbelievably unsupportive. Fortunately I have other friends who are supportive. I could really do with him just being pleasant. That would do, but instead it's silence, grunts and now, apparently, threats.

OP posts:

GhoulishFan · 25/10/2009 23:40

He doesn't seem to be getting worse.

He IS getting worse.

It's different...

Leave. Soon.... before you are in hospital (these things usually happen, somewhere down the road)

ShinyAndNew · 25/10/2009 23:42

Could he be worried that you are 'bettering' yourself and might have a better career/job prospects etc than him? Or meet some one better?

Has he always been controlling?

thesunshinesbrightly · 25/10/2009 23:57

I agree with shinyandnew.

piratecat · 26/10/2009 00:00

scary shit.

ObsidianBlackbirdMcNight · 26/10/2009 06:52

He's not going to be pleasant and supportive because it's not him. Why are you waiting for him to change into a different person? That just doesn't happen.

Besom · 26/10/2009 07:11

From what you've said it's a deliberate and worrying threat. No two ways about it.

I agree with others that you'd do well to get out of this relationship before it escalates. Even if it never escalates, it's still unacceptable. Hope you're OK.

junglist1 · 26/10/2009 08:42

That comment was designed to prime you for future violence. The next step is breaking stuff, if you accept that the slap comes. After that anything goes. Hiding your mail is very worrying aswell. That's sinister. There's no point talking to him about it really, he'll end up reassuring you.
My boys dad would say he was supportive of my studying, but he wasn't. He used to bring his mates round stressing me, say I thought I was big etc. Get out now and avoid what's coming.

Original poster

scubadoo · 26/10/2009 08:49

He was away for a couple of days and it was nice.

OP posts:

Lulumama · 26/10/2009 08:50

agree with everyone, partic. junglist1

if i wore something like that , Dh would say, hmmm, not sure, maybe a bit short, but if you like it, then go for it... that's the normal response. that's what normal men would say. no threats of violence to you .

he is subtly warning you that he will turn physical one day, and it will be your fault in his mind, for not leaving, as he gave you warning. and it will be your fault for wearing something short/saying the wrong thing/breathing etc

i would look at ways to leave sooner rather than later

Flip

1 2