Is this funny?

[scubadoo]

My DH made a joke about putting me in hospital. I felt like he'd threatened me and I was upset because I had been joking about going out in a short dress (basically a fitted shirt) and he spoilt what was meant to be a lighthearted conversation. He's just unpleasant to be around now.

Yep because you weren't treading on eggshells. I never missed mine when he went away either, although sadly I used to worry if he didn't contact me in case he was angry about something. So I was even under his control then. How long have you been with him?

Over 11years. I was trying to change the mortgage and he opened the letter from the bank and hid it.

Are you the mortgage payer, is the house in your name? If so, you can just throw him out (though I would very strongly advise you to have someone else round when you do this, the man has already threatened violence)

I came across some advice to listen carefully to people, because they will tell you what they're like. He is telling you that he has the potential for violence.

The hiding mail thing is just not normal.

He sounds dangerous to me.

So you did a silly voice and asked in a vacant way "'ja 'fink ma dress is too shor' ?"

Is it possible that he was joining in the joke and playing the thuggish, idiot husband?

here this is to go with your straw . . . . Er tenuous,

On its own, it sounds like a lame joke. Add in hiding your mail, and for me, major alarm bells are ringing.

But you know that, and you're planning your next move, right?

Funny would surely have been pretending to think it wasn't too short or trying to grab my bum to check, not offering to knock seven shades of shit out of me.

Some men are really terrible at jokes though, DH for one. He just blurts out something inappropriate in an old-fashioned working men's club kind of way, which sounds awful but that's just how it is, there's nothing sinister (at least there hasn't been in the last 14 years!).

Hasten to add though, forget the 'joke', what is all this about your mail? And what else is he doing that you haven't noticed yet? It really sounds like the beginning of controlling behaviour IMO.

I'm in a bit of a state this evening! Is it ok to think that I deserve substandard treatment because I've not been a very good wife and have never measured up to expectations? Sounds like a posting for aibu?

No it's not okay. I think you know you need to leave sooner rather than later.

He sounds like he needs therapy or shooting

scubadoo, who thinks that is ok? Not you, please. Surely not him?

Of Course it is not ok

You know you don't deserve substandard treatment. Bollocks to measuring up to expectations. You know you are worth more than you are giving yourself credit for.

why on earth did he hide your mail??? what was it, was it important??

i agree, he may feel insecure if you are studying to better yourself and possibly meeting new friends etc.

either way, he sounds an arse.

You haven't mentioned children so hopefully you don't have any, but I have to totally agree with ALL of the others (does that tell you something when everyone thinks it's wrong to put up with what you are?)I think you should certainly seriously consider moving out as soon as is practicable as behavious such as his is often the tip of the iceberg. Give it 6 months or a year and it could be a lot worse. Even if it isn't, why would you want to stay with someone who thinks it's ok to treat you that way?