Do you think you would still be together if you didn't have children?

[oliveoil]

Going through a bad patch at the moment and after yet another niggly evening that descended into a row, we both said that if it wasn't for the girls, then we probably wouldn't be together. Which is probably overstating things as we are usually ok, so fingers crossed on that front.

But it got me thinking, that if it was a long term relationship we probably would be apart and are really only trying to salvage things for dd1 and dd2. Sometimes it is too much like hard work and like having 3 children sometimes.

Anyone else only trying for their children's sake and hoping for the best?

(work is busy so I may only be able to get back to look later today)

xx

I am trying to retrain for a career change, but I shan't do anything until my kids have left school. I just hope that I will have the courage to do something then and won't be feeling too old and unsure of myself.

Polly, do you feel its a systemic problem in your marriage or somethihng that's down to circumstances? The thoughtless side of my dh I could deal with (by tackling it head on) but our financial situation has me waking up sweating most nights and we just can't seem to discuss it sensibly.

I am hoping that by, basically, getting a full time job and forcing more of the domestic and childcare responsibilities on my dh (who works from home running his own business -which isn't making any money) we can rebalance things and start to tackle our other problems. I don't want to leave. I don't want to do that to my boys.

But sometimes I really can't be bothered to get annoyed with him, iykwim. Which makes me think I probably couldn't care less.

I mean by me getting a full time job.

no, we both agree on this.

We will make our relationship work though, we still love one another but If we had never had the boys, our relationship would have fizzled out a long time ago.

But I dont want anyone to think that we are just "making do", we have a great life and things get better every day.

I think if things got really bad you wouldnt be still together. There comes a point when enough is enough.

pmsl beetroot - thats how I feel
yes - infact I'm in no doubt without children we'd be how we were when we first started dating...we are together almost inspite of the children - that sounds wrong but what I mean is we are going through a bad patch cos having young children is stressful & can be a strain on a relationship.

no

Not sure we would be. In fact, not sure we should have got married in the first place. I think we really are only together for dd's sake. DH is a great father, is tall, good looking bla bla bla, but I just don't fancy him. Not sure he fancies me either.

Hey ho; there's always the vibrating pants!

No, we've been together 15 years and had our ds 3 and half years ago, he was planned, but i love my dp more like a family member now than a lover, we have'nt had sex for 2 years, maybe longer, but we would never dream of splitting up because we want to bring ds up together with both his parents.

God no.

forgot about this thread that I started, ooops! Our bad patch has passed thankfully and we are now loved up again but it was a big effort to heave ourselves over the bad hill. I do think you make more effort if you have children, or we did anyway.