Do you think you would still be together if you didn't have children?

[oliveoil]

Going through a bad patch at the moment and after yet another niggly evening that descended into a row, we both said that if it wasn't for the girls, then we probably wouldn't be together. Which is probably overstating things as we are usually ok, so fingers crossed on that front.

But it got me thinking, that if it was a long term relationship we probably would be apart and are really only trying to salvage things for dd1 and dd2. Sometimes it is too much like hard work and like having 3 children sometimes.

Anyone else only trying for their children's sake and hoping for the best?

(work is busy so I may only be able to get back to look later today)

xx

I would definitely still be with my ex-H if we had never had children. He just couldn't cope with the stress of a toddler & a baby and my absolute exhaustion.
Very sad really. Now they are semi-human and good fun, he misses them dreadfully. Oh well, his loss!!
Sorry to those of you having a tough time at the moment. Thing Custardos approach of reminding them how fab you really are is a good idea.

OO - DP and I definitely have days when we both feel like this. Relationships are bloody hard work and even harder when you have children but equally and perversely I think you are usually more inclined to stay and work at it (infuriating though that often is)

I think ninah sums up how I feel (and puts it a lot more eloquently!)

Yes - I'm sure we'd still be together even if we didn't have the children, if anything we've got along better since having the boys and at the moment are absoultely LOVING working together as a team to build the business.

no way

Yes we would.

Had it not been for my ds I think I would have walked away when I found out about dh's affair. In saying that I won't stay just for his sake, it's still early days.

Definitely not - dd was unplanned!

No way would i still be with H if I didn't have the kids. I would have left years ago!
However, now I am considering the option of leaving for the sake of the kids.

yes, definitely

WOW! can't get over all the no-ways.

thought i was the only one..

No idea - our first baby was born 14 months after we got together, so we've always had children to contend with.

for us it wan't having the children that would have made us split up. when i was pregnant we moved 300 miles away and it was probably the best thing we had done for our relationship, it was i suppose a make or break move. dh was into clubbing and going out with his mates all the time and getting drunk or stoned or both and rolling in at 4, 5 in the morning, constantly throwing sickies from work, basically he was in with a bad bunch and not that he was any better but he had no will power to give up.
so i made the decision that i was going to move down south and if he came with me then it was meant to be and if he didn't then sod him. i loved him but i didn't wan the father of my child to be out all the time taking ecstacy and cocaine(1997), when i told him i was moving he burst into tears and immediatley pledged to give everything up and come with me.
Now 8 years later we are still together and obviosly have our bad patches, but we still love each other and at the moment he is supporting me through uni and says that he is really proud of me!

nope, sometimes i wonder what we'd talk about if we didnt have the kids. Like now, he's reading and im typing but theres no talking.

we got together when i was 16 and he was 21, 6 years later he hasnt changed much whereas i have. Im at college, working and have loads of friends and am always busy. Im alot more confident now. Ive grown up.

you know that feeling when you love some one but youre not in love with them?

sometimes i feel like that but then he'll do or say something and i realise just what it was that made me fall in love with him in the first place.

Oh my god this is exactly what I have been thinking for a while now. I doubt if we would be together, but that's basing my response on the people we are now, after having kids, and we were very different people before. Most of the stresses and strains on our relationship in the last few years have been financial, and I resent the fact that he has made what I considered at the time, and since have proven to be, reckless career decisions without thinking through the impact this would have on us as a family and my ability (or not) to earn enough to cover his shortfall. This on its own would be enought but on top of this he does thoughtless things like not think about my birthday until the day before then call me from the shopping centre demanding to tell him what dvd I want him to buy me, and treating it all as though it's just too much hassle. Plus he sees nothing wrong with going out 3 nights a week when we are totally broke (not that he spends a lot, it's mainly playing football etc) and when I am staying in most nights either working, ironing, or doing some other F*ing domestic chore which he wouldn't even notice needed doing. I hope it is just a phase we are going through - we've been together a long time, 20 years - but I am actively making plans to put myself in more control financially so I can just leave with the kids if it all gets too much.

God have been meaning to post something like this for weeks. Sorry it's all come out in a rush. I'll press post now before I regret it...

Yes, definitely.

meant to add, he is a very good dad, just not a very good husband at the moment.

Wordsmith I could have written that post exactly.......

Of course - probably would have retired sooner too!

oops!

Sorry to hear that Pollylogos. It's just good to get it out, so to speak.

Yes, I believe we would. We were together a long time (11 years since we met) before having DD. We are also really good friends.