So how did/does your relationship with your father affect you/your life?

[Listmaker]

Following on from the thread about our relationships with our mothers (of which there have been a few) I'd like to start one about our relationship with our Dads as there seem to be fewer of them (sorry if I am repeating something though!)

My Mum and I have an almost perfect relationship but with my Dad it's been more tricky I'd say. My Mum used to say I could wrap him round my little finger if I tried but I never felt like that at all. I felt I had to be really good at school and work hard all the time to please him. He has never complimented me about the way I look or anything. He comes from the school that if you praise kids too much they become conceited and arrogant so you have to keep them grounded.

I think this made me pick men who were hard to please and I have picked some crap ones!! I'm finally out of that cycle now but it's taken til i was 40. Luckily my Mum gave me enough confidence for 2!! So after a while with the crap men I turned round and said I'm out of here and dumped them which gave them a shock!

Once I got to university he let up on me a bit because I'd achieved his main aim and things are fine between us but we don't really communicate hugely - talk about work or money but not personal things. I know he loves me and that he is the way he is and that's it.

My dds have no contact with their father and I worry how that will affect them. Anyone got any experience to share on that? I now have a lovely dp and I hope we will marry and they will get a wonderful step-father who will make it up to them a bit.

So what is/was your relationship like with your Dad and how has that affected your self-esteem/relationships etc?

mine dies when i was 4 and i think this had a profound effect on my relationship to men..well a man. i think that meeting and marrying and staying with my husband from when i was 15 probably has some psychological link. i also am aware that i need the security of a man psychologically. i earn my own money and he provides me with nothing other than a primeavil need for strength and the security arising from that strength. thisalso links into my sexual attraction to more well built men - rather than the weedy skinny coldplay type.

OMG I AM FREUDETTE

Interesting. I think my relationship with my father - and my father's very needy and controlling relationship with his immediate nuclear family - are important factors in my extreme discomfort with the idea of 'family'. To me, 'acting as a family' means 'doing what my father wants'. I feel very ambivalent about fathers and fatherhood.

And my parents' shared preoccupation with the imperative for all women to be thin and gorgeous took a few decades to get over too

my dad left when i was 7/8. we werent told my parents were seperating. we were use to him working late nights so hardly seeing him which i suppose didnt affect us so much as in wondering where he was. but i remember i noticed and kept thinking what if dad had been in an accident which was why we hadnt seen him for ages. before he left, i remember just seeing my parents always arguing. even now, my mum speaks quite badly of my dad which does upset me as i still want to have a relationship with my dad as does my brother. after he left, he would take us out and spoilt us really. this of course was due to him feeling guilty. he would take us to chessington and bowling and to the cinema, and buy us anything we wanted, all of which my mum couldnt.

it does upset me, even now. my parents finally got divorced after 12 years of being seperated, which my dad didnt even have the balls (excuse my expression) to tell my mum that he wanted a divorce, and again wasnt honest he was in another relationship. i met her once, only cos i was out with my dad and he forgot his phone so had to go back. my bros have met other women hes been with. and we only found out cos my ex was working with a girl who was the daughter of the woman he was seeing (very confusing i know) and he only told us when he got kicked out of her house after 6 years.

i dont know if this has affected me much, i think my mum has had more of an impact on me. we have so much in common like shes a single mum just like me, both hate men (lol) yet we are so different too which means we clash so much. and with my dad, well tbh i dont know who he is. he does help out, he brought me my car, comes round when i have problems with it or my house, but even he admitted it. we were talking about my 21st b'day (not even sure if he knows its my 21st and he only knew it was my b'day cos mum pointed it out to him) and he said he doesnt have a clue what to get me as he doesnt know what i like, just like with my other siblings. so just getting money as usual lol. sorry that was a bit long lol

My dad lived a double life for a long time. he was married to my mom but also living with another woman, he had familys with both, even going as far as to name his daughters very similar names - maybe so he didnt get them mixed up. He used to split his wages and make up excuses why there wasnt any money. He'd never come on holiday with us and was never home on boxing day or new years eve. His mother knew about it. We didnt.

My mom found out when i was 11 and left him. He stayed in contact with my brothers and sister who were all younger but didnt get on well with me. I was old enough to understand what he'd done.

We got on ok, until i had ds1, I choose to name him after my brother who had died as a baby and my father didnt agree. He didnt see me for 2 years.

In the end i called him about 6 months ago as i couldnt see the point of not being in contact.

Having an arse for a father made me less trusting of men and more suspicious of them

but i have learnt to get on with my father, we get along well as long as i dont expect anything from him.

He's also a compulsive liar so i never believe a word he says.

(he later married his mistress and they're still together.)