Please tell me what you think

[BurningBuntingFlipFlop]

Dh had to go to a fringe reception thing after after work at CPC last night. Said he'd be home about 12/1am ish. Anyway, i'm up with dd (5mo) at 2am and he's not in, i text and he said he was leaving soon. 3am, no sign. So i called, and called, no answer. I'm now really worried about him. At 4am he calls back from a taxi. 4.30am gets home. I text him saying sleep on the sofa.

He's completely pissed and i'm furious for having made me worry. He gets undressed and gets on the sofa. I noticed his white shirt has fountation marks on it. He also says he's lost his phone! He must have left it in the taxi. So i'm calling his phone no answer.

Anyway, this morning he comes into the bedroom at 8am, i'm asleep with the baby. I was pretty surprised he'd woke. I then start going mad at him again.. angry. He gets ready then starts looking for the house phone to call a taxi (can't drive - still pissed) to get to work. Finds house phone, calls taxi and goes.

5 mins later he texts me "phone was on the sofa" ie next to him all night! wtf?? why the charade of looking for the housephone when it was in his pocket all along? why tell me he's lost it when he clearly had it with him on the sofa all along AND managed to set his alarm on it! Probably because he was texting/emailing someone or something. God knows. Liar.

I'm so pissed off, i feel like i hate him. I sounds to me so much like he was upto no good, don't you think?

He's not even apologised! Just keeps saying i'm at work i'll talk to you later when i text him expletives.

I've had enough.

As an aside, does anyone know anything about grounds for divorce?

Since the last thread everything's been okay until last night. I just feel very uneasy about the whole thing from last night.

No I don't think you're being crazy. I think you're behaving as any normal person would in the unsettling circumstances you find yourself in.

Foundation on the shirt might just be some over caked female rubbing up against him at some point, could be anything, you know foundation rubs off so easy on your own clothes if you're not careful. .... Where exactly WAS the foundation? What part of the shirt?

I would be angry that he felt it ok to roll in at that time, regardless. I think I might have even locked the door so he couldn't get in.

Phone business - could be genuinely lost at that time and the alarm goes off anyway if it is set that way. At least mine does...

If things have genuinely been OK since then, I'd take a deep breath and text him that you need to talk seriously when he gets home and that he should not be late home. And then you talk seriously to each other. You need to get across the fear that last night has sparked in you and why. He may be able to reassure you, he may not.

But this is a longstanding problem and I think you probably need external help to resolve it - Relate, perhaps?

From your last thread, you got him to leave for a few days as he was acting like a dick then. On what grounds did he come back, and how has he behaved since?
FWIW he may be having a 'virtual affair' with one of the text chat services in which case there is no real OW just dozens of bored drama students sending generic messages from their computers.

h just told me he doesn't know if he's in love with me anymore. i feel like i've just been hit by a car.

Oh no

What a terrible 24 hrs for you! My only (probably useless) suggestion is to try and get some decent sleep tonight, you must both be shattered, and get together and go through it all tomorrow.

Do you have someone who could take the dc for a while so you two can get together without worrying about a few raised voices or tears?

Poor you. This is the biggest red flag of them all, incidentally. Pretty much convinced of an affair now. I am so sorry. I know your head is going to be all over the place at the moment, but get some RL support and waste no time now in getting proof.

Please don't accept denials - trust your instincts.

i know men, they wait til they've met someone else before deciding they're not in love. I'm so confused why just yesterday was her husband telling her just days ago that he adored her, thought she was "the sexiest woman alive" and asking if she still loved him?? now it's all over...?

He says he's not loved me for 6 months, so from when i was 8 months pregnant? nice.

If it wasn't for my babies upstairs i'd just take shit load of pills now.

I don't know what to do. what a fucking fool i am.

Hey Flip Flop, you are not a fool.

Too many times we have been taken in byu the shit these men feed us, we end up believing we are going mad, and even if our men are straying it's probably our fault anyway.

When i was married to ex H, he was a drug user, coke, very heavy drinker, criminal, etc etc, you get the picture.idiot loving wife that I was, always said,

"whatever N does, I have no worries about him cheating on me, more likely i'd end up visiting him in prison, ( I did) "

How stupid did I feel when I finally kicked him out, to be phoned by random woman telling me she'd been having an affair with him since ds was born a year and a half earlier. Mind you, I had the last laugh, when i reminded her that she must have meant alot to him as he'd married me in that time.

Please don't think about harming yourself, no man is worth it. Stay on here and rant. x

Don't really know what to say except to send you virtual hugs...

Don't take pills...I know you said you wouldn't because of your babies..keep thinking that. They need you.

Hang in there...

I just feel so so shocked. even with everything never ever did i think he'd tell me he didn't love me. my little boy will be asking where daddy is tomorrow and i can hardly face it. wine is the only thing getting me through this minute. everyone thought we were perfect. i'm sure there's someone else. sure. i have just gived dd wined-up bf (crap mother) how can he suddenly do this?? he was asking me if i still loved him yesterday, in a needy way. his babies deserve better than him. i've hidden some payslips, he's a high earner but has a boss who'd lie for him. what do i do now?? just survive i guess. i hate hate hate him. we looked around a school for ds yeaterday and were so excited about the future. bull.shit.

i'm sure this is because of another woman. he did this with his ex 5 years ago when he met me at work. never told her there was someone else. i have done nothing wrong. i just tried to be a good mum and wife.

oh dear sorry to hear this, sounds like your better off without the arse

sadly flipflop you are probably right about the other woman. He did it to his first wife, he seems to be doing it to you. He's really not worth it.

He'll come out with all sorts of bullshit, asking you if you love him, how can he put you through all this, she means nothing to him, etc etc

Have you just one dc? It's not easy, I won't pretend it is, it is however, easier than wondering where he is night after night, wondering if he's gonna fall in love with the other woman and leave you anyway.

It's a damn sight easier being on your own than being in a shit relationship that gives you nothing but hurt.

I feel for you.

he wasn't married to his ex. we have a ds 25mo and dd 5mo. they are truly amazing.

Oh FlipFlop, sorry to hear this. Has he confessed to anything happening last night?

ah, i see. I wasn't judging you, but he obviously didn't have the balls to tell her about you.

I'm sure there have been some great times, it's not all bad is it? but once the rot sets in. I ended up really not even liking my ex.

You need to show your wonderful children that mummy is a strong woman who does not need and will not accept this treatment.

The moment I realised I had to get him out was when my almost 6 yr dd said to me

"you're not even cross with me, you're cross with daddy and that's not fair" when I'd shouted at her for something completely unfairly.

I chucked him out the following morning.

no, still adament there's no one else. don't believe a word. i've not changed. someone's changed him.

it's unlikely he'll admit it ime.

Do whatever your heart is telling you. If you want to make it work, tell him, but nly if you are completely honest with each other, him aswell.

If not, if it's too late, tell him that too, but mean it , and get him out asap.

Is it possible it was just a drunken snog that has sparked this? Not that it makes it much better but he is unlikely to have started an affair in one evening. Most of the events have free booze (DP has been taking full advantage of them all week!) so he could have just made a drunken mistake.

Were you both quite calm and collected when he said he didn't love you or were you in middle of huge row?

Oh sorry to hear this flipflop. Has he actually left home then?

I doubt he will admit it if there was anyone else, certainly not yet anyway.

but he doesn't want me, he doesn't love me. all my power, all my choice just gone.