Favours to other parents not returned...

[flobbleflobble]

I often do favours for other parents from dd's school - taking a child into school or on to an after school activity. Most parents never return the favours in any way - partly because work commitments make it difficult for them to. I have a particular dilemma though:

I am taking one child to an after school activity each week - collecting her from a different school to dd, taking her 5 miles to a class, then dropping her back at her own front door - which is not on my way back home. I volunteered to do this, but thought that her mother would try to return the favour at least in a small way - but nothing has been forthcoming. The mother of this child does not have restrictive work committments - she works part-time, very flexible hours and is very well off - 4 or 5 very expensive foreign holidays a year etc. I really like the child but dd is not very keen on her & would rather we didn't take her with us.

Am I being taken for a mug & should I end this arrangement mid-term? Or am I a miserable old cow?!!

Oh my God! I just did it! To the answerphone! Just said that the arrangement wasn't really working out for me so I was ending it, and that hopefully she could take her daughter herself, or if not maybe she could make the Saturday class instead.

Now I am a bit nervous that the phone will ring & I will have to explain further
I am so CRAP at this sort of thing . Thanks for the support though, I really appreciate it

Well done you!

Thanks Miaou - the phone just rang & I was too cowardly to pick it up - a message saying "thanks for letting me know and I will call later to talk about it" - a friendly message really. I guess I will have to go into more details or invent a reason instead!

Well done. I hope I made it clear that I do understand there are restrictions with being a working parent, but that I hope I don't tak ethe p!! Your 'friend' seems to do just that!!

Flobble stick to your guns when she calls you back as she sounds really manipulative and selfish.

Let us know how it went!

flobbleflobble, remember if you feel you are being used, then you are being used.

If you want to prove the point, when you speak to this woman, ask her for a favour (one that you think she can manage outside her working hours) and see her reaction.

Now you've said her daughter could do the saturday class, that puts a different spin on it. You not taking the girl does not deprive the girl of her chance to attend the class.

If however, she really, really likes it, and you do feel guilty about ending the arrangement suddenly without notice, then you could still offer to take the girl to the class but only if her mum can collect, for the rest of the term at least.

If the mother is as totally self centered as she sounds she might not have registered how much her daughter enjoys the class. If so, tell the mother how well her daughter is doing and how happy she is to go, so she realises that it's important to her. In this case, I think it's fair to throw the guilt back at the mother.

flobbleflobble, you don't need to make excuses as to why you don't want to take her any more - you have two perfectly valid reasons: 1. her dd and your dd don't get on, and your dd is becoming reluctant to go because of it - and that's just life, some kids don't get on! and 2. it is becoming increasingly inconvenient for you because of the amount of hours you work and the other family commitments you have. Neither of those reasons infer that she is at fault, so don't feel embarrassed or apologetic about it. A phrase I often use in such cases: "It's just one of those things, I'm afraid" ie totally meaningless thing to say but conveys regret without taking on blame!!

glad you managed to do it flobbleflobble. Your dd will be so much happier and so will you. Have you had a conversation with the mum yet?

I haven't been brave enough to speak to the other mother so far but I think I will definitely use the quote "it's just one of those things" and not be drawn on it!!! Thanks for that tip, and also to everyone who has been kind enough to offer their opinions & support - as I really am unaturally useless in this kind of situation !!!