Boyfriend 'jealous' of his nephew and generally rude to his family, wwyd?

[noIDforthis]

regularish but have namchanged for this

hae been with my boyfriend for 2 years, we don't live together, have no children either for some background

was at his mothers yesterday, where he lives, and he was generally rude to his family, doesn't make them a drink when he makes himself one, refuses to do his own washing or ironing, doesn't pay housekeeping. He is great to me though and will do everything for me, but has so little respect for his mum and dad.

His younger sister then came round with her 2yo who was ill with sickness and diarreah (sp!), which I also had. We spent a few mins trying to work out if we had eaten the same thing to see if we could work out where it had come from. Boyfriend then shouts 'I've had enough of this, nobody gave a shit when I was ill, shut up about it!'. His birthday is near the babys, and he was very jealous when the baby was born that no one paid any attention to his birthday. Writing this down he sounds like a spoilt brat, I had to leave his house last night as I was so annoyed by this, I didn't mention it, just said i didn't feel well.I really don't know where to go from here,I need to speak to him about it, but will he ever change?!

Hmmmm I'm going to go against the tide now.

My sister was like was when my DS (3.2) was born and still is to some extent. She's 26 in November.

Could it be that he doesn't have a very good relationship with his family? I don't and TBH I do loathe doing things to help them out. However it doesn't mean I would treat my DP the same. I'm not with anyone at the moment but I would do literally anything for my ex it was sort of unhealthy. I think because I lacked that feeling for my family I overcompensated with him and he started to take advantage of it.

Anyway all I'm saying is although he does sound immature he could change. My sister is nowhere near as bad as she used to be and is actually thinking of starting a family of her own. Her DP wanted to a few years ago and she admitted she wasn't mature enough and would probably get jealous of the baby.

i think i should go, we can't cancel, all non refundable etc and too late to change to someone elses name

nappy - he does have an odd relationship with his family, not sure why, he loathes being asked to do anything at all and continually moans at them. He only ever goes in for the big gestures and only ever for his mum and never his dad.

I wouldn't go - not unless you stand to lose a load of money.

I am so glad you have listened to the advice - you have just saved yourself from a potential lifetime of misery!

go on the holiday

and use triple birth control !!

The way he treats his family will soon be the way that he treats you. Like the others have said, run, run, run.

If it was me, I'd not bother going on holiday, yes it's money wasted but better that than wasting more weeks of your life. And you could look at it that it is actually money saved, money you won't spend when you're away etc.

Amen, AF!

noIDforthis

The astonishing thing I find in this too is that you've been with him for 2 years!!. What are you getting out of this so called relationship to have stuck with him for so long?.

Walk away while you still can - what awaits you is a life of misery if you were to stay with this man. He is showing you how he would treat you in future. Such immature manchildren do not change.

Don't go on the holiday - it will be torture now that you have decided that the relationship is over. Its a pity the money is wasted, but that's better than spending any more time with someone you don't want to be with.

And you ARE going to end the relationship, aren't you?

nappyaddict - this bloke doesn't sound like someone who just doesn't get on with his family - he lives with them, allows them to run around cooking for him and washing his clothes, then lashes out at them if they dare to ask him to do anything for them. Sounds like a nasty bully who is trying to make his family act like his servants.

OP, that will be you if you stay with him!

And his attitude to his 2YO nephew is particularly chilling. A full grown man who is jealous of a toddler getting attention is the type of man who will beat his own child to death if he thinks the mother is paying him/her too much attention. Extreme, maybe, but he has the kind of mindset that makes that kind of behaviour possible.

Please, for your own sake and that of any children you may have in the future, do not spend another minute with this piece of crap.

If he loves you, and says he won't treat you like he does others, tell him to prove it by treating them better or it is over.

FabBakerGirl - it is a bit late for that as he has already shown his true colours and any improvement in behaviour would only be temporary until he had won OP over.

Then, when he has "got her where he wants her" all the old ways will come back.

True, am thinking about giving him a chance. Am a softie at times.

Fab, some people just don't deserve a chance.

This isn't about an isolated incident of bad behaviour, he has been like this consistently for 2 years. It is what he is.

Really, OP, thank your lucky stars you have seen what he is really like before you got too tied to him.

Get out now! Find a great bloke who loves his mum and will treat you and your future dcs right.

You are right.

I gave someone a second chance one and I am glad I did as it meant I knew it really was over.

Fab - yes that works as long as he shoots himself in the foot fairly rapidly.

What worries me is that he might put on the good behaviour just long enough to get the OP married and/or pregnant, then relax back into his true nature as " he has got her now" IYSWIM.

Just because he lives with them it doesn't mean he gets on with them. I live with my family because of circumstances not because I particularly want to.

When my sister lived at home she let my mum run around after her and did everything for her. She soon realised she had to change when she moved out to live with her DP.

He sounds very childish and self absorbed. Big red flags. Being jealous of a small child is utterly pathetic.

Whether he 'likes' his family is neither here nor there. He's not treating them with any respect and if you move in together OP he will probably do the same to you.

Glad you have decided to get rid. Have you thought about what you want to do with regard to the holiday?

YR - he didn't repeat the behaviour that led to me leaving him in the first place but all my feelings for him had gone. Loving ones that is.

borrowing from another thread... read this:

www.drjoecarver.com/clients/49355/File/IdentifyingLosers.html

Yes, noID-you need to end this; if you don't, it will be the end of you. He is a parasite and will suck every bit of your identity/self-esteem out of you, not to mention the ruination of your physical and ultimately mental health.

Are you a good actress? If so then go on holiday. Time to be an air head-ZERO attention span regarding him. Maybe he will want to break up with you? Do not ever have sex with him again-lots of female issues going on (too bad on holiday, too ).

If you are not a good actress (I'm not) then do not go. You think you might have H1N1 and you can not possibly risk exposing others on travel. It is reported that the symptoms do come up suddenly.

Are you his first gf? If he has not gone through a breakup before......

Just be honest: At two years, I think people can have a true feeling whether the relationship is a keeper or not.

Perhaps you just can not see spending the rest of your life with him and it is time to move on. Otherwise you both will be wasting your time because you (at least) do want to find someone to grow old with...and sorry, he just isn't the one for you. NoID-you do not need to go into a shopping list of 'why not?'-the fact is he isn't the one-nothing else need be said.

Good luck, and you will look back and be thankful to be free from him.

YorkshireRose is right. If you were ever to get pregnant he'd turn on you just like that. You'd never be able to leave him alone with his own child. Very very scary.

Fab - I see what you mean, you just needed to confirm that you really did not love him anymore. not so much a second chance as a confirmation of what you already knew deep down.

junglist - yes, that is what I find most scarey, that he can feel such hostility to a small child. I could really see him hurting a child of his own as babies ALWAYS need so much attentiom from their mum.

He won't change.

Oh, I see someone said that before!

DON'T have children with him

Warning signs you're dating a loser- saw this on here recently- very good! There is a section called The Waitress Test. You are getting an even clearer version of it, as this man/boy is showing you exactly what is in store for you.

What a great article, BitofFun, says it all.

I will save that for my dd to read when she reaches the dating stage - forwarned is forearmed!