I'm interested in what people are saying about the response being different if the poster was a woman. I think you might be right about the insults to some extent. I don't agree with insulting anyone no matter how ridiculous they appear to be behaving, but that seems to happen on mn and most of the time the posters being insulted are women.
I think the reason Tortured has got some harsh replies is that from what he has said, his wife does actually sound very reasonable and doesn't seem to be messing him about.
For example, Tortured was prepared to move out but his wife agreed to make another go of things. This hasn't worked out and now she wants to end the relationship as anyone in a relationship is entitled to do at any time and for whatever reason.
She has been harsh but honest by saying she doesn't love, fancy or respect the OP. She is not giving him false hope.
She has obviously told him what he needed to do to make the relationship work in her eyes, he hasn't done this so she has presented the consequences. This is not manipulative (as we so often see demands made by men of their wives on here), she is perfectly entitled to want to end the relationship for whatever reason she wants.
The OP obviously doesn't think her demands were unreasonable, whether they were or not, and that is not what he is complaining about. He is complaining about her making the decision to end the relationship.
He wants another chance to make things work, a chance that a manipulative person would no doubt grant if there were abusive or controlling aspects to their motives in asking for change. She has not, as is her right, as it would be his.
She has agreed to joint custody and access, she is not trying to take the kids away from him.
Tortured says that marriage is for life and that his wife "should" realise this too. (He is not saying he wishes she felt the same, he is telling her what she should feel). He is trying to impose his beliefs on her and is is not respecting her decision.
Despite going to councelling, Tortured stated that what the councellor suggested seemed like "hard work" and he wanted "a quiet life" so did not make any effort to take the advice given by a professional as well as his wife.
Tortured also said the councellor said that his relationship with his wife was a typical mother/child one. This presents a picture of his wife doing everything and him not contributing as he should.
Tortured's wife asked him to go for councelling, in my mind this shows someone who is really encouraging her partner to get all the help he can to enable the relationship to work. Tortured's reason for not going- money- again suggests he is not interested in trying.
He says that he doesn't want to move out of the house and hopes in time things will work out with his wife. This kind of suggests that he doesn't want her to move out either, so when he asks if she can make him move out, it sounds like he wants to stay in the house with her despite her wanting the relationship to be over. Again he is not respecting her decision.
From everything Tortured has said, therefore, it doesn't quite stack up that his wife might be the oppressive one, as itsme suggested. I think, however, itsme might be right about the fact that people might ask what the changes were that the wife had asked for if the situation was reversed, but I think from what I have pulled out above, it is doubtful that they are likely to be unreasonable. Even if they were unreasonable, the person asking for change can ask for whatever they want so this is, in a way, irrelevant. It doesn't mean that the other has to comply, but they do have to accept that this might mean the end of the relationship. I also think that if a women was writing this, the whole tone would be quite different.
As far as I can see the only different advice that might have been given would be to ask if Tortured really wanted to stay with someone who didn't love, fancy and respect her.